(I didnt know there is an English corner here, I posted my story on forum"初恋情怀 ”。 I found this forum the other day,so I posted it here. I hope more people will read it. Thank you!)
I got to know him on train. We took the same train -No.108 on January 31st. We sat face to face.His seat number is 13, and mine is 14. We both got a hardsleeper.He went to Ji'nan, I went to Beijing. There are 6 seats along No13 and No.14.Only two of us who didn't know each other, others were friends. It is he who started to talk to me. You know it is so unbelievable that we had a very good talk.Both of us left the telephone numbers to the other. We spent almost 2 days together on train.He was going to get off on Feb. 2nd about 10am. Both of us didn't want to leave the other,we were reluctant to leave the other.But we had to say goodbye to the other.We were discussing to meet each other on train again next time while we were coming back to Xiamen. But we couldnt find out a good plan.
I don't know why the whole Spring Festival I was thinking of him and waiting for his call though I know that he doesn't have a phone at home.I was just waiting and hoping.
February 13th, I went back to Xiamen to work. I remembered that he told me that hecame to Xiamen on February 12th. February 14th, I started to work. At around 8:40am, I got his call. You know I couldn't recognize his voice, I thought maybe only I who was thinking of him so much. But I knew my heart was beating very fast as I knew it was he who was calling. He invited to watch a movie, I accepted since I am always free at home. We met each other at his company's gate,then took a taxi to the cinema. I know it is so happy to meet him again. Thank you god! I think both of us knew that day was "Valentine's Day", we had our first date.We didn't say too much since both of us are shy.
The following days, I think we were in love. We were so happy at time. he cared me so much and also it was so surprised to hear that " I miss you" from his mouth. He told me" one day not seeing, it is like three seasons. I felt very happy and shy.We were always together, climbing hills, picking strawberries, watching movies, going shopping and so on. He always cooked for me since he finished work at around 5pm. I finished work at around 5:30pm. And he told me it is not healthy to eat in dinning hall. Homemade food will be more nutritious for me.After his work,he went to the market and back home. He knows that I like eating fish the best. He was always trying to make different fish for me,what is more, he told me he was going to buy a book on how to cook different fish for me and cook it for me. You know at that moment I was touched and I think I am the happiest girl in the world.
One day, I didn't know why I suddenly got sick. I got a high fever, he called many times, but the receptionist told him that i asked for a leave. He was so nervious.I was very well the day before,but what is wrong? He couldn't believe it. He called me at my BP.I was too sick to answer his call. At around 12:00, I knew I hd to make a call to him, or he would be very worried about me. I called him, I can tell from his voice that he was so worried about me. He told me that he was coming to my place immediately. I told him:"no, you have to work, i will be well soon, don't worry about me. I am ok now." He said" Anyway, I am coming and wait for me..." As soon as I got to my dormitory, he ws standing in fron of the door, waiting for me. I couldnt believe that he was so quick.I can see the worries from his eyes and his face.He asked me to lie down quickly. He peeled an apple for me and sent it to my mouth. You know I was touched. I knew I love this man. Yes, I love him. He was with me the whole afternoon,serving with apples,oranges and water. While I was sleeping, he was just sitting beside me and watching me. The late afternoon, I was better. He asked me to go to his place (there was no cooking facilities here in my dorm.)and he would cook some nutritious food for me. I took on more clothes and went with him.
We had a lot of happy days together. I was not very happy with my job at that time and he was trying to help me look for a better job. He helped me type the resume and sent it for me. One day I was unhappy, I went to his place as normal. My roommmate told me"you will be happy if you are with him." I was thinking of him all the way and thinking of my bad mood. As soon as I reached his place, I met him on the way, but he didn't recognize that I was not happy. We had dinner together and he sent me back. On the way back home, I was unhappy and walked very fast.He asked me" what is wrong with you?What is wrong? Please tell me..."I didn't answer him. I walked even faster and didn't say a word. When I was on the bus, I didnt say goodbye to him as normal. I can't believe that how can I be that hardheart, didn't say a word to him. That night was a Friday night. It was our first calm conflict. You know i was so unhappy and almost said "breakup' to him. But I didn't. I know I still love him. It must be some misunderstanding. You know I was so sad that even my roommate could see that I was not happy at that night, but he couldn't. How come? He didn't care me. Finally I knew that because he was going to work in another city, which might split us. He felt sad about this and had no choice. That is why he didn't recognize my unhappiness.And also he got sick that night.
The following days, we kept calm. He didn't call me as before., When I called him, He seemed to have no words to say. i felt a bit strange. How come? Something is wrong? One day, I can't help asking him" what is wrong with you?You are a bit different from before. Tell me why.Please..." finallly he told me," both of us are very sensitive and maybe we are not suitablt for each other" I said " No, you know how much I love you. Don't do this on me. "
Those days I was so sad and lost. I talked to one of my good friends often. And she told me about her love and told me that wouldn't be a reason for him to say breakup to me. There must be some other reasons. I know he is a kind of person who has very stronf sense of responsibility. He won't do that on me and so easy to say goodbye to me.I need to make sure. Yes I will ask him again.
(Finally he told me that it is because that he is going to shenzhen, he is afraid that i can't go, and didn't wan tot hurt me if he couldn't be with me in Xiamen.)I called him the next day, but his colleagues told me," he wen tto hospital for a medical checkup."" A medical checkup?? What is worng??""Oh, only a medical check, don't be so worried, he is ok."It is I who made him very worried which made his stomache stinged. No, please dont do this on my boyfriend,please forgive him, do all those on me. Let me take it.
I was trying to call him many times, but he hadnt been back. I told myself if he wasn't back by 12:30, I would go to his place to visit him. Around 12:30, I called, oh, my godness, it was his voice. " How are you feeling? I am going to your place if you are not back now." " I am ok, dont worry about, it is only a medical check, I had something bad last night.It is only a stomache problem, i had this before."
"You need to have a rest, sorry, it is I who made you so worried about"
"No, I am ok now. Don't worry aobut me."" I will come to your place after work and please don't go anywhere, I will cook for you tonight. You are free tonight."
I went to his place and didn't let him touch anything. I made everything for him.I can see he was very weak at that time. He needs my care and love. I will make him happy.
Those days I was very busy buying.,cooking anything I think might be nutritious for him. One day, i asked hime" Can we be as good as before? Let us forget the unhappiness.' I told him that if we had some problems, we should speak oout and solve them together. We willl succeed, Trust us."But I am going to Shenzhen as you know"" I am going,too. I will follow you.
We came back to the relationship we had before. We were very happy as we knew we didn't have much time left before he left for Shenzhen. He left for Shenzhen on March 24th. I was so worried about him, as I knew he didn't have too much money with him. I brought out all of my savings and gave it to him, he didn't accept it, but i tried to put it in his wallet while he didn't know. I only left 48 yuan for myself. He left his computer with me.I would take it with me to Shenzhen when I left for Shenzhen.The night before he left, he gave a letter titled: 10 cautions" which tells me how to take care of myself. In his eyes, I am only a child. I gave him a " 10 rememberings" with a smiling face.
March 24th, he left. It was my worst day at that time. I was so sad and tears came to my eyes. I was trying not to cry,or he would cry. we were there waiting for the bus, hand in hand." Don't be so sad, you will come to see me on May 1st, which is only one month more.""yes, I am leaving for you soon, take cake of yourself, your health is very important for you."
As soon as the bus left, tears pouring our, covering my eyes and face. Bus took away my sweetheart,away and away....
He is in Shenzhen.As soon as he arrived in Shenzhen, he called me and i was waiting for his call. I called him. It is unbelievable that he was here in the morning and in the afternoon he was in another city, which he is far from here. My sweetheart is far from me now. The following days, I missed him so much. He didn't have any cummuincation tools, he didn' have a mobilephone and he didn't have his office number with him since he was going for the training. He was very busy and he didn't called me as often as I thought. But he called me once a week. I wanted to talk to him everyday while he was not available. I began to write letters to him and saved them. I would bring them to him on May day.Maybe I am a very sensitive girl. He didnt call me and I would feel very bad. i wrote everything on my letters to him, full of love,complaints and suggestions. I knew he was very busy and I was trying not to interrupt him. I kept on writing to him about everything.
May 1st, It is close to me now. On April 29th, I went to Shenzhen to meet him.I bought a shirt for him since his birthday is on April 26th on which I wouldn't be able to be with him.And I took some honey with me, it is good for his stomache. I was so exciting and cant wait to see him. I called him on the way to Shenzhen at a public phone, eager to tell him that I was on my way. I met him. I really MET him. I felt that he didn't seem to be very exciting. I think maybe because both of us are not so emotional. The days in Shenzhen are very bright for me although it was raining. He companied me to the Zoo and showed me around. You know I am so happy to be with him again. I was thinking of going to work Shenzhen soon. The day before i left, I took out those letters for him." please answer me back after you read those letters." "ok,I will"In fact, I thought I should have given all those letters to him. Maybe some f those would do harm to our relationship," but he is a good boy, he knew I was only complaining, sometimes I didn't really mean it." I was thinking to myself.
He didn't call me as often as before.Maybe he is too busy to call me. Since i was very busy and I wanted him to concentrate on his work, he was still on his probation, which is very important for him.I will call him later. I did call him a few times, but he didn't call me. Maybe he is too busy. " Please write bakc to me""i will."
On June 7th, I got his letter. He said" breakup" to me. I was heartbroken, tears came to my eyes, all the afternoon, I was crying. I didn't know the reason. I called my other friends for advice, and trying to go out. I hope i could forget him, but i couldn't. Those days were terrible,tears, and a mass.Everything seems to be nothing to me, only he is important to me. My friends couldn;t pursuade me. One of my friends called my boyfriend. Finally he told me: give up, he is not worthwhile being loved. If you really want to know the reason, talk to him face-to-face. Ok, I will. I was planning to go to Shenzhen, but i didn't know where he lives. I called on July 7th. " I am going to shenzhen and talk to you, i need to know the reason.""It is no use coming here, you can talk to me over phone"" No, I want to face you"" I won't meet you""ok, tell me the reason." he told me that both of us are too sensitive and he began to thinking of breakup since last conflict. We are not suitable for each other. i couldn' believe it.
The following days, I was trying to calm down. But i couldn't help thinking of him , I love him so much while he told me he has no passion for me now. I could not believe it. Maybe there is other reason. He didnt' want me to sacrifice too much for him.Maybe he has too much pressure, he couldnt afford. But he didn't tell me.
I write back and told him that I accepted his letter-break up with him if he feel better and no pressure at all.
I was so sad and always thinking of him. What shall I do? Shall I persist-loving him? Am I right?
