Dear Tulipgy and Panpanpan,
You wrote about your job experience and asked for some guidance, Tulipgy. Panpanpan asked what I thought, so now I will share it. :-)
At first I didn't feel I should answer your post because I have never lived and worked in China. Things might be different there from what I have experienced, so I didn't want to give any advice that could lead to more difficulties for you,Tulipgy. Now that I've read Panpanpan's excellent reply I see that many thingsare a lot the same. If Pan and other friends here will comment on what I say, and correct it if it isn't a good idea in China, I would appreciate it. Also, please suggest anything that has helped you in similar circumstances when you were just starting out as Tulipgy is, and were still feeling a little the way she does now, far from home, and feeling unhappy with her job.
Tulipgy, I don't think you should say anything to your boss about him giving youporter or junior work unless he does it again. If he does, that is the time tospeak to him about it, before you do accept the chore. It may have been a little emergency that caused him to ask you to move the boxes that other time, so give him the benefit of the doubt. If there is a next time, you can say that you're sorry, but you aren't dressed for moving boxes, and could he get somebody else to do it. If he persists when you say that gentle "no," then ask to speak to him privately, and tell him then that you gave him the benefit of the doubt last time, as it might have been an emergency, and no porter was available, and perhaps he had a sore back, but could he please ask someone else to do it as you aren't a porter or a junior. With some people, "if you give them an inch, they take a mile!" If he got away with it last time and he's that kind, he may try it again. So that's why you must take care of the situation. As Pan said, if you don't, he may go even further next time.
It wouldn't hurt to look quietly around to see what other kinds of jobs are available to you. It will give you more confidence in talking with people in authority, and if you find you can get other jobs you will feel much better about speaking up about what you shouldn't have to do in your present job. You may even find a job you want. If so, give proper notice, and take it.
Be sure that you don't tell possible employers in job interviews or written job applications where you are presently employed. Tell them you won't give notice until you have your new job, and then you will give your employer proper notice.They will understand why you can't tell them where you work. Why you may not be able to be interviewed during working hours. Why you must give proper notice. It all makes you more valuable, as they know you would treat them decently and not just quit and leave them in the lurch, either.
If they want references, you could offer references from the job you had before this one, or from your professors at school, or from volunteer work you have done, or a part time job you once had. Whatever they say would be acceptable to them. You don't tell where you work so word doesn't get back to your employer that you are looking around, before you are ready to leave. Otherwise, you might find yourself jobless. The interviewing company could make a mistake and phone to find out if you are a good employee. That's one way your company could be tipped off. Another is that people in similar fields of business often know each other and may happen to talk together, mentioning your name.
Since you are presently employed, you are more attractive to another employer. They will think you must be alright, or you wouldn't have the job. That's the best time to look for work. If you are asked why you want to leave your present job, --as Panpanpan said, don't say anything negative about it either then or when you leave, or while in a new job. Say something like, you hope to broaden your knowledge and abilities because you wish for advancement, but in your present job there doesn't seem to be room for it.
You may be able to get a better job. Why not try? However, never leave a job before you have worked long enough in the one you have, unless it's an emergency of some kind that made you quit. Otherwise, a good prospective employer may think you are a job-hopper, and someone who is liable to leave them too soon, too. It costs employers money to interview, take on new help and teach them their own ways. Employers, therefore, want new employees to stay with them so that they don't need to spend the time and effort again too soon.
By the way, have you thought whether you might be able to get a transfer within your own company?
Is it possible that you are homesick, and that, together with being asked to move boxes, and the boss being a little short these days for some reason, these things have made you more unhappy than you would otherwise be? Is it possible that what you need is some time to get over it, or a short trip home to see your family, or more phone calls home? Is it possible that your life doesn't have enough variety and nice times? Do you have any recreation? Do you plan something you enjoy for weekends or after work? Can you take up a sport or a class, or find somebody at work you like, so you will have more friends in your new city?
Your post sounds as though you feel very insecure. I wonder if you value yourself enough? If you have a problem with self-worth and self-confidence it might be a good thing to read a good book about it and try to learn how to overcome this weakening problem. Or you may find a course that could help you make some changes in the way you deal with yourself. People often treat you at your own value of yourself. This comes across to them in the way you talk, walk, dress, and hold yourself.
I don't know what is available to you in China. Here we have Toastmaster clubs which teach public speaking, and Dale Carnegie Courses, which are excellent for a situation like yours. There are other courses you pay for which can be very helpful. There are self-help books available here for almost any problem someone wants to overcome, or learn more about. Maybe somebody here can give you some suggestions.
If you think about yourself in the way you wrote in your post, then your inner self-talk is not strengthening you. It is making you feel weak and insecure. You can't afford to talk to yourself inside like that, and you can't afford to speak of yourself out loud that way, either. You are a worthwhile person, worthy of dignity and respect, and you need to be sure about that, yourself. You have graduated well, were able to learn your job, and now it's time to build your self esteem and self confidence, so you that you are happier, and also are able to speak up for yourself when needed. Others do it. Why not you? You are as good as the rest of us, unless you cripple yourself by telling yourself things that weaken you.
Here is a good thing to say over and over to yourself when you feel scared, or not able to do something, although others do it. It has helped me many times.
"You can, if you *think* you can. --I will!"
You may say it to yourself in Chinese, but the first part must be addressed to *you* as though someone else were saying it. That's why it begins with the word "you." The second part is the response from you, and that's why it says "I will!" Say "I will!" confidently to yourself.
Here are a few other things to help you feel good about yourself. Some you probably already do, some you could add to the way you are. Smile happily at yourself in the mirror when you get up in the morning. Hold your head up and don't let your shoulders slump. Make yourself look confident and competent as you move around in your job. Be pleasantly casual, and not too intense with people at work. Dress a little more like the people who have a job a little above yours at your office. I don't mean to spend money and dress richly. What I mean is, if the others in your job wear blouses and skirts you could add a jacket, which will give you a more professional look.
Incidentally, if you are dressed so that moving boxes doesn't look like something you should be asked to do, it will be harder to ask you. If you look groomed and professional and confident, it is harder to take advantage of you. Try to look like you can take care of yourself. Little things make the difference. It is a little harder to ask a young woman who looks confident, and who is wearing stockings and high heeled shoes and a jacket, and has well groomed nails and hair to start moving boxes, than it is to ask a girl wearing low shoes and a blouse and skirt, with her hair in a braid down her back, and who hangs her head and acts shy, to move boxes. I'm exaggerating, but I think you get the idea. :-) Lift the way you look to the level just above yours. Don't lift it higher, or it could be resented by others.
Wear makeup. Have a good hair cut or style. The kind that people in a job a little better than yours wear in your office. It will also help you to feel good about yourself when you know that you look good.
I hope some of these suggestions will be useful and help your confidence. How you act is also, ultimately how you feel. There is a physical feedback loop at work. If you lift your cheeks in a smile, there is actually a physical feedbackfrom the cheek muscle action, that starts a chemical flow to send feel good chemicals through your body and help your smile to become true in your emotions, too. The same thing goes about holding yourself straight. Also, try not to put your heels down hard when you walk. Depressed people do that. Rather try to walk using your heels more lightly. That will also send a message to your inner self about how you feel, and help it to come true.
Probably you already do many of the things I have suggested, but I think holdingyour head up and acting confident is probably one you need, considering the kinds of things you seemed to feel about yourself in your post. These kinds of thoughts and statements about yourself are bound to take away self confidence.
You could read how Dove writes. This will give you an idea of how a confident Chinese professional woman talks, and how she mentions herself. Dove doesn't put herself down. I imagine she thinks pretty well the same way as she writes. She is a confident and accomplished lawyer. You're just beginning your career, so a good example will be useful to you, and Dove is a good one. I hope you find somebody else in your company, or around you, whom you think is a good example for you to watch and learn from. Or try to remember such a person you may have met in the past if you don't find somebody like that at work. If you observe somebody at work, she doesn't need to know you're doing it.
If she is a friend who gives you guidance and help, then she would be called "a mentor". Hopefully you can find such a person. Sometimes older, extablished and accomplished women are generous enough to want to help a younger woman along in her career. Anyway, you can make a start by reading Dove's past posts here. She's very natural, and not at all insecure, yet she also has humility, and she never makes any of the rest of us, no matter how young or inexperienced we are, feel any less than she is, even though she has earned much respect in her profession.
Best wishes to you dear Tulipgy,
Mary
