Dear Windywch,
You wrote:
"I don't think all changes are good.I used to be a honest girl.I can't hide my feelings.I will not cheating others. I make friends with everyone,treat every withmy heart.I used to believe all good things ,I trust people who help me ,who care me.BUt now I changed.I had learned how to hide my idears.I had cheated others successfully.I don't believe the existed of the good things any more.I dout everything.I know something was wrong. BUt I don't know what.I think how good it is if I were the innocent girl."
You can be an honest and innocent girl again but you need to reach a higher level in your honest innocence. Before, you were an innocent honest girl. Now you need to become a wise honest young woman.
From your remarks, I think somebody you trusted may have betrayed you, and you changed yourself due to anger, and a desire to protect yourself, to not allow it to happen to you again. I have a few thoughts I would like to share.
Be honest again in your dealings with others. But watch and think, to discern what kind of people you are dealing with. It is always best to do business in a businesslike manner. That means clearly0 writing down what is expected, and getting a signature of agreement from them. That way, if you are cheated you have proof, and the authorities can help you. Because the ones your are dealing with signed they agreement they know that you have legal proof, therefore they are more likely to be honest in their business dealings with you. If people don't want to sign an agreement, then you do business with somebody else who understands, and will. Be careful about doing business with family or close religious associates without a signed agreement. Sometimes they find it easy to forget what they agreed to, because they are used to you. You are almost like part of themselves to them. So sometimes, without really meaning to, they can go too far. Then there is danger of great damage to the family or the religious group.
There is nothing wrong with hiding your ideas from others, if it is done when it is wise to do so. After all, your thoughts are your own. You only share your deeper ideas where you find people who can understand, and who are trustworthy. Of course, if your thoughts are mean, or for cheating, then you need to weed them out of yourself. You can do this by turning your thoughts and asking for help. Then think of something good and noble. That can change your thoughts. Finally, it will become a habit not to think unfit thoughts.
If everybody else around you, and even the whole society, does whatever it is that isn't good, you may ask yourself why you shouldn't just do the same. The answer is that we are each responsible for our own selves. That is one of our duties in life, to learn how to overcome these kinds of tests and rise above them, and then go on at a better level. Let the rest do what they want. You do right by yourself. Don't let others influence you in directions you know aren't good when you think it through. If you don't do certain things that aren't good but that others around you do, you will give a few other people the courage to follow your example and not do them, either. So you will have improved your own surroundings and the whole world. :-)
When it comes to social life, watch how the people you meet talk. What do they talk about? Do they talk about the lives of others? Do they criticize or laugh? Then they are likely to do the same about you when you are not present. Don't take such people into your confidence. Listen to your feelings inside yourself. Maybe you will feel this in the area of your stomach. Do you feel good with some and uneasy or bad with others? Do you feel wild with some? Those last three kinds are the ones to be careful about.
Try to stay informed about what goes on in the world between people. That way you can draw your own conclusions, and understand things that are happening. Learn this through articles in newspaper, warnings, news reports, and books and what you hear from reliable sources. The more you learn about "how the world goes around" the wiser you can become about what to do and what to avoid.
You can be friendly to everyone, but don't be friends with everyone. You can treat people kindly, but not give your whole heart until your are quite certain that they deserve it, and love you, too. For stangers, or people not well known to you, don't put yourself into danger by being too trusting. In some cases, don't be alone with certain people if they make you uneasy.
There is good, bad, and inbetween, in every person. Some have more good. Some have more bad. Many are like you, and still learning. They make mistakes and then they want to improve. Some are very bad, but still have a little good in them.
You often draw to you the kinds of people who come into your life. For instance, if you are greedy and not too honest, it is easy to fall for a scam where you have to be a little dishonest and cheat, in order to get a great deal of money. It is greed and willingness to be dishonest that catch people in such schemes, and they are cheated through their own greed and dishonesty.
Remember this saying: "Like attracts like." You know the kind of person you want to attract, so be that kind of person. Of course you have become jaded by things that have happened and things you have done. This can be reversed. If may have been part of your growing wiser and more mature that you had to go through this period. You have learned that you don't like what it has given you.If you make an effort you will be happy and optimistic again. Life will be good. It isn't easy to be different from your crowd. You may need to find a new crowd. But you aren't the only one who is longing for a better and more noble life. You will find new friends and associates.
I will post a quotation about the ideal way to live life. It is our ideal for which we should strive. As it is an ideal, it is perfect. All we need to do is try. We can't be perfect. When we reach higher there is always something higher and more perfect to reach for. So just begin to try. That is what it takes.
You can decide to be wise and observant, honest and friendly, but discriminating. In the Christian Gospels, Paul taught that they should be "wise as serpents and gentle as doves." You will become consciously innocent, whereas before you were naturally and childishly innocent. "Conscious innocence". Isn't that a lovely way of saying it? Conscious innocence is the way of the wise and mature.
Warmly, Mary
