My mum said firmly that I would certainly shed tears after going abroad, but I just ignored.
To be honest, I don't seem to have strong attachment to my home,because I almost seldom suffer from homesickness. Nevertheless, my parents often miss me very much and therefore calling me,actually almost every week. I do feel very happy to hear their voice, though I may not think of them before I pick up the phone. Maybe I'm really a spoiled kid, when they insisted on something I don't like, I may easily lose my temper and replied very impatiently and rudely, for example, my mum kept urging me to buy some fashionable clothes or make-up in Australia, because she didn’t want me look like “a girl from countryside”. Every time, I argued that there’s no need since things here are really expensive, but she didn’t listen to me, so I just told her directly that I'd like to look that way, and it's none of her business. I guess she won't feel hurt about my obstinate and rudeness that she had already got so used to in the past 22 years, but I do feel extremely regretful and sorry for talking to her in that way, especially after my coming to Australia, nevertheless,I just couldn't help...
In fact, I’m writing this article for another topic, that is, when I really had the impulse to cry in my 6-week's stay in Sydney. Maybe only three times.
I could still remember it’s about the fourth week after my arrival in Sydney; I first called back home rather than being called by my parents. The line was actually not busy that day, but mum could hardly hear my voice. I almost shouted, and she eventually got to know it’s her daughter calling. In fact, I missed the kitchen in my home, and the passed days when I could cook whatever I wanted to eat so much, as things here are so expensive that what I can have most of the time are instant noodles, bread, and few vegetable rather than meat. Mum didn’t give me any chance to say anything I got ready before calling; she was actually so excited that she kept asking me questions about how’s the weather like, what kind of clothes I wear, and I only answered her questions one by one. When it all finished, I suddenly wanted to cry, only because of no meat to eat. Maybe some of you may think it’s ridiculous, but that kind of feeling is so true and strong that even now it still remains there, deep in my heart…
The second time I wanted to cry is due to the great pressure from both part-time job and study. I really hated myself, for I was so incapable, nevertheless, I held up my tears, as I knew, all the sufferings now are worthwhile, and I didn’t tell anything to my parents even though they called and asked me what was going on. I was aware that there’s no use telling them that I was not well, after all, they are so far away from me and could do nothing to help. If I tell them the truth, they must be very upset, so I would prefer to tell lie, and told them everything here was fantastic and they needn’t worry at all...
Eventually it came the third time, when I almost gave up. It’s very late at night and when I stayed up to search information for my essay; my former boyfriend’s friend told me that his brother finally got a new girl. I used to think so many times that I must be all right to face this situation, as it's been two years since we broke up.However, I got to know I was totally wrong at that very moment,as I found it so hard to resist the tears. When I pretended to congratulate him, he didn’t seem to realize I still care for him, and therefore telling me in a joking way that he was too old to be single; the great pressure from his parents forced him to get a girlfriend at random. The last two words as I suppose was most sarcastic and hurting, because he really means something to me,but I means nothing to him. Maybe he will never know that when I came to Australia, I didn’t think of my parents, but even thought of him. Anyway I really don’t know what’s the point of talking about this any more. I thought it was the last time I cried for him, but fortunately I held my tears at the last moment...
Life here in Australia is totally different from that in China, I really don’t know whether some day I will really cry as my mum foretold, but in whatever circumstances, I do hope I can learn to be strong, as I must and have to! No tears are really expected!
