Dear Joan,
I have given many talks and formal addresses and below I will give my formula for how to give a formal talk and feel safe and in control, so that you have little stress when you give it. You will feel so capable that you won't have to do anything on the day of the talk except to think about what to wear so that you draw attention to your face, and how best to put on your make-up. Wear something like a scarf or blouse that is a warm and friendly colour and that makes you look well.
First I would like to say that although things have been very hard for you in adjusting to Australian schools, ways and accent, I believe there are signs that they are getting better. Hold on. You are making it through this great struggle. Your friend is right. It has wisely been said, "It is always darkest before the dawn. When the pains are hardest the child is born."
For instance, your teacher defended you and said that your points were the best, when you were aggressively opposed by that other student who had been a psychologist. She listened to you both, and finally said that she agreed with you. For you to be able to defeat him, a person with that kind of training and probably an easy command of English was a great victory for you. I think you will find you get a good mark from her. You were successful over a dominant male. You made your points even though you felt upset inside, and you won!
It always is hard in a new school, and to the other students your are something new. A girl from the PRC. People usually take the easiest way and it is easiest for them just to flock together, so they do. Just smile at them as you pass. Make an occasional comment to someone like "Whew, it was really tough to have to deal with his arguments. I'm sure glad that's over." Aftaer awhile they will feeld you are friendly and safe and approachable and they will take you for granted. Also ask if you can join an approachable looking group of girls in the cafeteria at their table. Especially when there is one there that you have passed a few words with. "Do you mind if I sit with you?" Then mostly listen to them and look interested and nod when you agree and so on. Next time join them as a matter of course as though it's perfectly fine for you to sit with them. YOu can put in a little comment now and again like "That's right!" or "I think so, too." Or "Wow, that must have been really hard.!" Gradually you will see who is easiest to know, and you will fit in on the edges of the group as a matter of course, and then you can try to move in a little closer. It's like making friends with wild creatures. Get them used to you bit by bit. Learn the names and use them sometimes. I was much older than everybody else when I went to college and I had the same trouble. You also need to look like your are comfortable and easy-going. It is hard to fit in when you are much older, too. You would have it easier than that.
There are easy ways to give a talk. I wrote a post about that some time ago. You are such a hard working person that I think you could do well using this method. It takes a lot of work ahead of time, but you can't fail to do well.
Basically, you need to put your whole talk on small lined file cards that will just fit your hand nicely. YOu don't want the cards to be very noticeable as you use them. Write your talk out exactly as you wish to say it. Read it out loud in front of a mirror, over and over. Carefully put colour codes on your printing or typing tell you exactly how to say it best. Improve and improve until you have it just right. Make sure your printing is very clear and easy to see and read quickly.
Before you put your talk on the cards, write it out on paper. Pretend that you are up there in front of your audience and giving your best. Look up at yourself in the mirror as you would at them, listen to which words you emphasize as you tell them what you want them to know. Mark the part of the word that should be said the strongest. Mark where you want to pause briefly; and where you want to pause a little longer, and anything else important to a good talk. Keep your codes for yourself simple and uniform throughout. Use coloured pencils or pens to underline the parts. Use one colour for all pauses and for stops. Mark them with an oblique line like this/. For longer pauses put in // or even ///. Smile at yourself when you think you should smile, and write (Smile) or (pause) or whatever other direction you need in brackets, clearly, and in a different colour.
When you put the talk on cards put the opening paragraph that tells what you will explain or address in the talk by itself on one card, or a few cards. Keep the logicala parts together on each card so that you have a little pause to move to the next card and quickly read it before you say it to them as it is marked.
Start a new card or cards for your first point of proof and mark again all the emphases and pauses in the code colour used before for that. Do the same for second, third points and so on. If you want to give quotes from other sources, give each its own card and put it into the place where you will use it.
To keep things clear for yourself you could make a different heavy coloured line across the top of each card, for each point. The thing is to keep what is on each card short, and only one piece of information. Feel free to use any kind of simple directions to yourself that you need and that you will easily understand. Keep it all simple and clear, with large enough printing so you can see it as you hold the cards inconspicuously. You can never become confused with this system.
When you come to the conclusion of your talk, be sure that you tell them again, briefly but in different words what you have proved or illustrated. That will be what you promised to prove to them in your first opening part before the points, and will tie everything together well. Be sure to word this part and the opening part the very best, so that it will leave them feeling very satisfied that you have done what you said you would do in the beginning and that you have given a dynamic and interesting talk.
As well as numbering each card and quotae in consecutive order, so they can't possibly get out of order, also, punch holes in the upper left corner of each and put them on a round ring together, so you can't possibly drop them and get them out of order.
Practise, practise, practice from the cards on the ring until you are very sure of your talk and can easily glance down, read, look up and at people and make your points directly to them.
This works. I have successfully used it and could give the exact same talk right now, with all the same smiles, and emphases as I gave at the time. These talks have always been received very, very well. There is much workto be done in preparing, but you will have perfect control of your talk and youwill be very safe. It is a marvellous waya to give an excellent talk without stress. A little anxiety is always good because it sharpens your mind and you dobetter. Too much isn't good. It can make you forget everything. So this is one way to take control.
Best wishes, dear Joan. You are really doing well, as I can see from this distance and perspective, even if you don't feel so and can't see it yet yourself. The professors know what kinds of things you are struggling with and I am sure admire you for your courage. They will take this into account. Soon you will begin to see the results from all your efforts as things begin to come together for you. Take heart, dear girl.
Affectionately, Mary in Canada
