Dear Dudujing, and girls and women on the forum,
I hope all of you will read Dudujing's previous posts which explain this situation further, so you will understand, and be prepared if you ever meet a "stalker". Dudujing was innocent and naive, and she stumbled with this situation, but others can learn from her troubles. It is important for any of us to immediately put a firm stop to any man who oversteps his bounds as this one is doing. This kind of thing could happen to any of us. Therefore we need to keep our names and personal information private from casual strangers.
This post is in reply to your latest to me, Dudujing.
This man is married, with a sick wife, and a child. He is not free to approach you in these ways, let alone to kiss you and force himself upon you. If he can do this to you, he may do worse. He is manipulative. He isn't reasonable. He seems to be not very well-balanced, mentally or emotionally. You must careful of him. Don't meet him in person. How do you know what he will do next? Not everyone is fully sane, you know. Some people are quite mixed up, and this man sounds that way.
If you love your boyfriend and he loves you, ask him for his help. Maybe he can meet you or be with you when you might meet this person. Maybe he can answer the phone when you suspect a call is from him, and warn him away from you. This guy may respond to the voice of another man better than he has to you.
Here we call such a person "a stalker". A stalker is a person who continually follows and haunts a woman against her will. He tries to find out all about her. Usually he has a misplaced and unbalanced passion for her. A stalker can ruin a woman's life. They often pick on celebrities they have never met in person, and also, such men sometimes stalk and kill their wives. His attentions have already done harm to your health. You have to get rid of him now.
Don't accept his gifts. If he leaves them at your door let them rot where he sets them down, so he will see them still there when he comes by. Or give them away to a charity for hungry people. Be sure he knows that you get rid of the gifts and don't use them. You don't need to feel sorry for him. He's acting against your will, and has caused you harm and distress. You don't want this to develop any further.
In Canada, a stalker can be taken to court and forbidden to go near the woman. This can be dangerous, though. It can make him dangerously aggressive.
Stop allowing him anything from you. Not your voice. Not your acceptance of his gifts, and not your presence. Instruct your friends and family to refuses to talk with him, and certainly not to discuss you with him, or give him any information. Make sure they know the problem isn't romantic; that it is a nuisance you don't want.
He had no right to ask your friend to tell him where your family lives, and she had no right to give him or any other stranger, personal information about you without your permission.
I hope this will turn out well. Try not to make him agressive. Try to withdraw yourself into the background and he may turn elsewhere when he doesn't get the reward of drama, your voice or your presence.
This is not a flattering thing, because it is not coming from a reasonable, respectable quarter. He should take his gifts to his wife and child. This is completely out of line behaviour. It is a pity you were innocent and naive and didn't know to stop it immediately. I know most others have advised you to get rid of him and that I've repeated some of their good advice here.
Take care of yourself first. Try to be with your boyfriend much more, if you both love each other. That may show this man that there is no place for him. If you aren't careful he could cause you to need to change your job, your place of living and phone number, in an attempt to get away from him. Even then he may still be successful. Some women have been pursued for decades by men who spy on them, always managing to find them wherever they flee. I hope that it is harder in China to find you through the internet and government records and people who know you, than it is here in the West.
It hasn't yet come to this for you but it could. Do your best to end the situation now.
Best wishes, Mary
