Dear Zzlzzjc and friends,
Zzlzzjc, you spoke of being very tired trying to learn English. You spoke of hating yourself.
This is something none of you who feel your English is still not good enough should allow yourselves to feel about yourself. To hate yourself if pointless, and really wicked. After all, your inner being is doing the best that it can. If you can only do this much right now, give yourself a break! When you have the time and energy you will do more, and better.
I say it is wicked, because to hate something that is like a light or jewel inside of us and that powers us and helps us to grow and change, and to decide what is best is not a good action. This is the power that some call "the soul" that you are hating. It is too good to ever hate. You need to cherish it. To listen to the intuition it sends you. You need to follow the trails it shows you. It is your great treasure. It is connected with your brain, but it is not your brain.
So, start by being kind to yourself. Understand yourself as you would a friend. If a friend had trouble with something would you tell that friend you hated her or him? If you did, how crushed that friend would be! You could crush your inner being by using harsh words to yourself, like "hate" and "stupid" and so on. Don't do it.
There is a level of yourself that believes everything you tell it and will act on that. So if you say to others and yourself, I *can't*learn this, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you say "My English is very poor" as many do when they come here, that also can become self-fulfilling and reduce your abilities. It is better to encourage yourself. Remember how we said that encouragement is one of the greatest things we can give to each other?
Well, encouragement is one of the greatest things you can give to yourself, too. Say to yourself, "Well, I think it's coming along alright". I am making some progress every time I read well written English. Soon it will stick in my mind. Don't worry. Say as many truthfully encouraging things to yourself as you can, and when you do well give yourself a little pat on the back. Say to yourself "I did very well, and I'm glad!" You won't turn into an ego-centric horror with no humility if you justly give yourself credit as you would do for a dear friend.
Angel, Zlzzjc, and you others who are teaching yourselves, learn how Panpanpan teaches himself. Read his posts about it. Use the "search" key to go back to all his posts and you will find out how he has become so good in English. Jenny also is self taught, but her way would be very difficult for most of us. But Panpanpan doesn't make himself tired. He doesn't "hate" himself at all. He has fun with English, and he has many ways he has explained, to teach himself. You can get inspiration from many of his past posts.
Warmly and with affection for you all, Mary
