Forewords:
Jenny held the different opinion from mine on whether we should stick to what we dislike or simply give it up. I promised her to further talk about my reasons, but I simply could not afford the time to make it a specific post. (hehe, I’m always that busy, as I suppose).
Anyway, since this issue aroused from my little brother online, this long reply to him, as I believe, may have covered part of this topic. Hopefully, you will also join in our discussion, and leave your opinions below. Thank you! Of course, your comments or ideas after reading are welcome as always.
15 October, 2004
Dear Little Brother,
I seem to have so much to talk to you about each of your letter, and I really don’t know why. Maybe I’m sort of crazy about psychology now, I mean, to help myself and others find out how to live our lives in the happiest way we may not even know.
At the beginning of your letter, you talked about writing. You find it hard to write something, although you would like to and can truly afford the time. This is a common problem we may face, as I suppose.
Sometimes, I’m just asking myself “am I really that busy or simply wasting time?” You know, I always keep reminding myself that I’m just too busy with my assignments, and I cannot afford the time to do anything else, but what I truly do is sitting there thinking about something really pointless, like “Can I meet the deadline to hand in my assignments?”, “Can I borrow some better books to make reference to?” or “Can I get a satisfying mark?” or something like that. Instead of making the best use of the time and the books handy or simply working hard at my assignments, I seem to concentrate on something irrelevant rather than things I need to do. The fact is that I give up doing many things I would like to (such as writing articles with free topic I’d like to write about), but still fail to work efficiently on the assignments of my study. Isn’t it sad?
I think it’s a common problem of us, I mean, thinking and worrying too much have postponed our action or you can also describe it as sort of “Giants in thoughts but dwarf in deeds.” Yes, many of us may get so many great ideas, but the problem is the action, either delayed or inefficient.
“Just do it!” is my favourite motto about taking instant action to approach your dreams. Suppose all of us can follow it, and keep moving forwards on the right track for our own wish, goal, ambition, and dream, that must be great. However, most of the time, we simply cannot make it for many different reasons, some of which we may not even clearly identify, like yours. You can hardly figure out what has prevented you from expressing yourself very well in the writing and thus giving it up at the very beginning, right?
I seemed to have got through several similar occasions in my essay writings. You know, usually, there are very stressing deadlines for each assignment in universities abroad, say, you have to hand in your assignments on time one by one(usually there’re two are three assignments supposed to due on the closing dates). Thus, it’s inevitable to burn the night candles; I meant to stay up writing them. Sometimes you really find yourself exhausted both in your body and ideas. You are too sleepy to think out what to write about next minute. It has happened to me many times, since many of the assignments are based on academic level, all about theories that I really know little about. Accordingly, I may even fix my eyes on the screen for a couple of minutes writing nothing at all, or writing something and then deleting them at once, writing something new and then backspacing them again, over and over again, until I simply want to stop and go to sleep, but I cannot! There is the deadline. I have to finish at least part of it. I must say I’m not that kind of last minute person as many of my classmates. I mean, they just start to write one day or two before the due date. Usually I start writing very early, but I may still be found really slow in the process, and also finish it right before the deadline. I believe it’s because it’s not what I’m familiar and interested in. (If it’s something I really would like to write about, I won’t feel so hard and will complete it at once in whatever circumstances.) There are several occasions, I nearly gave it up, saying “Oh, it’s really too hard, and I cannot make it, why not just go to sleep and leave it tomorrow?” The next minute, thinking about the deadline, say, there were really few tomorrows. I had to hold on, and continue with my writing. At first, it’s as hard as “pushing the teeth paste”, little by little, but after a certain period of time, I was found to have written quite a lot, and there seemed to be no difficulty any more, as I could write more and more, as freely as I wanted to until I finished the part I planned to complete before, or even the entire task! This sort of experience is marvellous and complicated, and I even don’t know how to describe it.
Well, it’s very much the sportsman in a fierce competition. There seems to be sort of limitation, very unbearable or almost impossible, but once they survive and get it through; they will find no difficulty at all in the rest of the game. That’s the rule of challenging your limitation. Many people are found losers because they lack it, or say the spirit of persistence, some of them even give it up one step before the success, because they don’t feel good or simply lose heart.
A few days ago, I saw a very interesting cartoon with captions, saying, “Christmas day is when Jesus Christ was killed, the most disappointing day in the world, but four months later, it’s the Easter Day, people are offered the new hope, so once you are in despair, just hold on, at least for a certain period time.” Don’t you thin it’s interesting? Once you really think you can’t make it, (because you are not interested, you are tired, you can’t afford the time or energy, or for whatever reasons, you even turn out to be desperate), but if you can still hold on for a moment, there might be something really surprising and happy, like sort of miracle.
That’s why I’m just saying you shouldn’t give up your attempt of doing something until the last minute, I meant, give up learning English or writing something when you are free simply because you seem to be not so interested and cannot do them very well. You may argue that there might not be the last minute, but at least, you have to hold it on for a certain period of time to see whether it’s changing for better.
Life is a box of chocolate. We never know what will be there unless we open it. Just try and keep trying. Victory belongs to those persistent ones, and their final laughter is the most beautiful of all. Personally, I have a firm belief that if you want a miracle to happen, you should at least believe in it, and jump into the opportunities to let it happen by continuous efforts in whatever difficult times. Do you know what I’m saying? Hopefully what I’ve written might of some help for you.
In your letter, you seemed to imply that you didn’t like to stay with your parents, since they didn’t know you very well and “forced” you to do something you didn’t want. Well, it’s such a complicated topic. Unlike the previous discussion; I may not have so much personal experiences or feelings to share with you. You know, my parents seem to be very supportive for my decisions. What they often say to me is “up to you”, but it didn’t necessarily mean they think the same as me. On the contrary, there might be some different opinions, you know, at first they really wanted me to be a high school English teacher after graduation from college, but I insisted on overseas study, and then once I was here, they wanted me to immigrant or go on with PhD, but I rejected, and insisted on going back to work first and then go overseas study again for another master degree. Maybe I’m always too stubborn, once I’m determined to do something, it is almost impossible to change my mind. I simply don’t listen to others. I think it’s very much a double-bladed sword. Sometimes it enables me to keep going with my dream without unnecessary distractions, but other times, if I am in the wrong track, it is likely to push me even further from my original goal. The secret of success is said to be “do the right thing and do it right.” (Don’t you think it is a very powerful or say even overwhelming statement? At least, it had such a fundamental impact on me.) Therefore, we’d better think wisely before we do something, yes, considerate, balanced, comprehensive thinking is essential. We have to refer to our inner voice, and take into account all the possibilities, consequences, difficulties or things like those. Those are pre-thinking, we have to think before we act, but once we have truly decided something, maybe it does no good to look back, regretting for not trying something else. The situation in my eyes is very much “a boat sailing against the current, either you keep forging ahead or you keep failing behind.” We are always responsible for ourselves; even God helps those who help themselves. Sometimes, even though we don’t seem to be in the road we would like to go, we still have to adjust ourselves to get used to it, and then try our best to achieve something. I think our viewpoint in this process is vital, we shouldn’t remind ourself, saying “Oh, this is not what I want, and if only I had…” You know, It really brings us nowhere, but simply filled us with regret or depression. If the wood is already made into the boat, or say, what is done cannot be undone, why not simply ignore it, and focus on the present, say how to do it well, and then look forward to the future, imagining you really go somewhere, like progress? This is what I have always doing during my life abroad, cause I must stay here to complete my degree, however hard it means and happens to me. You are now actually in the same situation; you are now English major, during the next year or two, you cannot change it, so what’s the point of constantly looking back and thinking it’s your parents’ choice for you? what I suggest you to do is to truly improve your English at least in the next year or two, and then plan for the next step, say, working as a writer or whatsoever you like.
To be honest, I feel pity to hear that you don’t like staying with your parents. I used to care little about my parents too. I even thought I was cold-blooded animal, as I had been so rude to them, but now I can understand them more than ever. Parents are the only persons in the world that treat you best, sometimes even better than yourself. Even they seem to have done something wrong or inappropriate, you should still bear in mind that they by no means to harm or displease you. All they want is that you are fine and happy, such as health, study, work, and marriage… all those aspects of your daily life. They simply want to do whatever they can for you, although it may not be so true and necessary.
Talking with friends rather than parents is all that I had been doing before coming here, but now I merely make phone calls to my parents, and write to my friends through e-mails. I don’t know whether it’s partly because you are male, you may not be as sensitive as girls, but to truly think about what is on your parents’ mind is the key to a good rapport with them. You know, at the first week or two, I really hated “being forced” to call them every week. (If I didn’t call, they would call me. Generally it is really expensive to call from China. I could still remember that the telephone bill they received for the first month was 600 RMB). Normally, they had nothing special to say to me on the phone when I asked them what they were calling for. They simply repeated the same thing, like don’t save money, don’t go to do part-time job but work hard in your study (this is what my father often insists), buy some local fashionable clothes or wear some make-up before coming out, don’t look like a Cinderella, try to make male friends and it is time to get a boyfriend (obviously those are my mother’s claims)… all those trivial things, over and over again… Sometimes, you know, I felt very funny and even gave up arguing. I know, they called with the simple purpose of hearing my voice, since they could not make it, I meant, to see me in person. Afterwards, every time when I called them back, I just started with all those normal concerns at first, like, “I had already been working hard in my assignments, my part-time job was not exhausted and time-consuming at all (sometimes I may tell lie, as it is a traditional the children outside just tell their parents all their joy rather than worries or problems), and there was nobody suitable for dating”. I often make long calls, just talk with them whatever it occurs to me, as I know they would like to hear my voice rather than what I am truly talking about. I’ve got used to it, and really have fun with it. Sometimes, I may also get their recent stories, like last time, my mum told me that she had a quarrel with my dad simply because of their different preference in breakfast. I just burst into laughter! The previous annoying situation that may disturb my early sleep seems to have become very amusing for me. I treasure those messages from them, as I’ve been so far away from home for such a long time… I think you need to talk with your parents, yes, talk with them more, and with an open and appreciative attitude, maybe you will find it really makes a difference, and it really works, at least, you have to try, ok?
Finally, it’s time to answer your question. I know that’s the chief reason you wrote to me, but I’m afraid I had little to say about it, like how to make a better use of your vocabulary in the course of writing, or how to improve your writing. You know, it calls for your own continuous practice. All that I want to say is “practice makes perfect”, just keep in mind one thing, you have to write in English everyday, “even a few lines is better than nothing at all”, and then work out the best way that fits you to improve, yes, you are the only person to know where lies your own problem and how to solve it, others may not be so clear about what has happened to you. Keep on working hard, and don’t forget to write to me in English. I will always be here willing to help you.
Ok, I must stop here. Before I finish it, let me share with you the words my former American writing teacher always say to me at the end of his letters, (yes, I also got his updated information a couple of days ago, and I had just finished my reply to him before yours, since I know yours must be much longer. Actually I still got another letter to reply, hehe, so much “make-up homework” to do tonight, you know, I enjoy writing in English, although it is really sort of luxurious hobby of mine to always write replies with such great lengthy). All right, all right, I have to stop my nagging. Here are his words:
“Being diligent, and working hard! Fen Dou!” Hopefully, it can also be the set encouraging words between us.
Best wishes,
Yours sister, Joan
