When I arrived home that night, you had been standing by the side of the road for two hours. And it was nearly nine o’clock, you had yet had dinner. “I cooked
your favorite dishes, and I want to have them with you.” You said, with smile
on your face.
Because my home is opposite a public bathroom, I went to have a shower after dinner. “Daughter, you want me to go with you? I know massage that helps you get rid of tiredness.” I responded “no”, I knew you had already pretty tired after
a day’s work.
For my getting home, you cleared up my room on the third floor, and bought an electric blanket lest I would feel cold at night. You even set a curtain against window so that sun won’t waken me up in the morning. “She had had these done one month before you came home” Father said.
You had tried your utmost to give me comfort at home. Every morning I got up, no
matter how late it was, you always waited to have breakfast with me. I knew you
had a pain in the spine but I had no idea how painful it had become. That day after I helped you do the laundry, you asked me to lead you to stand up. Only that moment did I realize that.
“The pain won’t last long.” You comforted me. What should I say? What should
I do but for helping do the housework while I am home. Three days before Lunar New year, it’s time to steam stuffed bun according to the custom here. After lunch, I asked you to call me downstairs when needed. You said “okay.” But you didn’t call me at all.
At two o’clock that afternoon, when I came downstairs, you had already started
to steam stuffed buns. I was in anger. Yes, I was. I was angry that you were not
willing to let me share the burden. I was angry that you never asked me to do the housework. “I just wanted you to stay at home as comfortably as I could give
.” You said.
I didn’t know that if you could understand my situation. As a daughter away from home all year long, when I had chance to come home, what I wanted is neither comforts nor ease. I wanted you to want me, to let me do something that I could feel less guilty for failing to accompany you. I wanted you to treat me like I had never left home, asking me to do everything that you had done by yourself.
On the eve I left for school, at table my brother teased me. Father and you stopped him lest I would take the words seriously. I said nothing at the moment, but
couldn’t help crying at my room later on. You knocked at the door and came in,
asking me how come I didn’t watch TV downstairs. At that moment I shouted at you, with tears running down my face. I complained that I didn’t feel at home at
all. I complained that you and Father never understood my situation.
You started and sat beside me. Then we had a talk that we never did before. We talked almost two hours. I told you that how I was during the last year and what
I wanted to be in the years to come. You told me that how hard the business at home was and how you and Father thought of us. “We never had bias for or against
either of you. What we want is just that your sister, your brother, and you could live well while away home. Your welfare is what we only bless for.”
Because the bus I took would leave very early in the next morning, you went downstairs afterwards and asked me to sleep at ease. “I’ll come upstairs to waken
you up tomorrow.” You said. I was moved into tears again after you left. I had
no idea what the talk meant to you. For me, it’s so precious. And I felt we were close again.
Now I still don’t know what the future exactly will be, something nonetheless is for sure. That is I will never shout at nor retort you. Life is too short to waste in the regret and doubt. I don’t want to regret when I myself arrives old.
Actually largely you are where my welfare is. So I won't do anything to break your heart or disappoint you ever again.
