What's the Problem between Children and Their Parents?
What's the problem between children and their parents? I have been deluded by
this question since the very beginning of this Spring Festival.
My cousin called in to tell me the big quarrel between her parents and her on
the very first day of this Chicken Year. Everyone in my big family seemed to have been really shocked when I was so calm when discussed this with two of the witnesses, my parents on phone. The root has been there a long time, and according
to the philosophy of ancient China, especially that of Traditional Chinesee Medicine, anything buried and accumulated will inevitably get a let-out. And compared to keep it hidden inside, its more healthy to give vent to it than to the attempt to ignore it. For if things have come into being, no one can really ingore
it. It will come puzzle you from time to time.
I am afraid I was the one who has predicted it first in my big family, formed
by my grandma, my uncle's family, my aunt's and mine,due to my identity of having been the one entrusted both by my cousin and her parents.
It can be traced back to half a year ago when my cousin was wrtiting discuss
her difficult-to-make chioces about whether to change her major from tele-communication to something else ,a time when her mom, my aunt was calling to tell me how sure she had been in persuading(if not enforcing and pressing) her daughter into the further study of her current major, to go on for a postgraduate degree.
I also have to mention that my cousin was a sophomore in a top-class comprehensive university while her mother a mixture of kindness and sophistication, a capable woman and one who has loved me since the day I was born.
I tried to share with my cousin my own experience in the first 5 years in college, most of which were unsuccessful ones, in hope that she might be able to get inspiration from these. I encouraged her to pursur what happens to be her truest interest, regardless of the current market needs. Who knows? Things do not stay the same at all. What's hot now can be too crowded next year, leaving those following-suit standing there tearing over the former blindly- made decision. To
me(And I am afraid I am too much of an idealist) , one should listen to his inner call. Doing what lies easiest to him with his inborn and cultured talent can both lead to contentment and market value. Not to mention my cousin was a sharp girl with higher intellegence than me.
But to her mother, I did not say much but listened. It was partly because I saw slight chance of getting her convinced of my thought, partly because I wanted
to leave this issue settled between their own family. She did this out of love
and kindness to her daughter rather than bitterness or hatred. Being able to tell this and being able to solve this should be a compulsory course to my dear cousin who was five years younger than me.
I have been keeping in touch with both of them. We are a happy big family, remember?:) Though sometimes worries stroke me that they may not be able to talk honestly about it.
Exactly what my mom described to me on the phone. The happy family get-together was ruined by this sudden break-out. My cousin was crying, stamping her foot
from time to time, her voice husky, the desk in front of her piled up with tissue full of nasal and yey discharge. Her mom ,who was also a quick-tempered person
, shouted words back to her, whilst her father purple with rage.
My cousin told me she had all her 20-year complaints let out.
My aunt did not call me this time.
My mother said my dad and her acted in modest manner to calm both sides, while my big uncle's family jumped into this fierce messsy quarrel, taking side with
my cousin, backing her up.(My first reaction, however was "How was grandma? Did
she took part in it too?", fearing that my 76 year old grandma would not be able to stand it. Even when I was unable to see my mom while talking this way through the phone, I could sense her grinning by her reply,"You father had guided her
into another room, wacthing TV and chitchatting". Well, daddy, I was so proud of you:)! )
My cousin refused to be going back home with her parents that night, and instead stayed over in my uncle's for days. And then she called me to tell me the whole story.(What a pity I was unable to go back home due to duty in hospital). I
listened to her ,with questions carefulkly raised ,guiding her to think there can be better way to solve this, while confirming her it was ok for a let out for
sake that this was healthy.
A week later, when I called to greet my cousin, she happily told me that she
has adapted the method I advocated so much by talking more ,honestly and openly
with her parents, and it had worked so well. Right now, despite some small disagreement, she and her parents were in almost perfect harmony than before. I beamed at this.(I was sure she could sense it too though thousands of miles away)
Not come singly but in pairs, when I called my youngest aunt to say Happy Spring Festival, she signed and later retold me her worries about my cousin, her son who is now in junior middle school. He is smart, but naughty, and ingulged in
PC games while sometimes ignored his study and quarrelled with his mother.
The two live stories formed a big question mark in me: What's the problem between today's children and their parents?
I carefully thought it over, and finally contribute this to the following factors:
On side of children, today they are better raised, regard of the living and
studying environment,with so many adults caring for them, so many digital equipments to help them to develop their talents. As a result, they grow more healthier phisically and their intelligence fully developed. They have a sense of independence, a brain to think on their own. But not enough life experience and heart
to share their ideas with their parents.
On the side of parents, they have to rush to meet the demanding requirement of today's society compared to 10 years ago. Isn't it already highlightened in Shanghai Star that parents nowadays spend musc less time with their kids? They would spend tons of money on their food,tuition of their bilingual kindergarten, and any form of popular education while being closehanded on time spend together.
They are grounded in doing so, if you take into consideration the fierce competitive job market.
Again, panacea cannot be found. Faced with all the difficluties and embarassed quarrels, we all need to, no matter under the name of children or parents, talk ,spend more time together, creat better ways to go into and at the same time,
let into each other's heart. It can be time-consuming, but worthwhile. For parental love and care is the most important factor shaping the health mental growth
of a kid. And a kid's love, in return, is the sweetest reward a parent can ever
get. Babara Piere Bush once said, "The future of America does not depend on the
White house, but on YOUR house". Isn't that provoking enough? (I am almost sure
Mary and Tim are perfect example of this:))
Can there be any other way?What do you think about it?
