I had an awful day yesterday afternoon. I would have a better one if I hadn’t knocked on the door, my English teacher’s door. I went him for advice, but got nothing but the feeling of awfulness and humiliation the moment I stepped out of
his office.
I was due to give a speech at 6:30 yesterday evening. As I had never had one before, I was anxious and uncertain, not only for the sake of my lecture, but also
for my appearance on the stage. As I am somewhat reticent by nature, the thought
of speaking on the stage really shuddered me away.
Since there was no turning back, I assured myself that everything would be ok, and that be myself would be just fine. But when all the self-encouragement went in vain, I decided to turn my English teacher for help. He will surely back me up
from one way or another, I said to myself.
So riding on the bike, I went straight to his office. As I arrived and was about
to knock on the door, I saw he was tutoring a student inside. So I waited outside with patience. But it was a whole hour until the student rose from his stool.
Anyway, I talked to myself, he will surely help you with it, waiting is worthy.
The teacher saw me and asked me to come on in. After I explained my intention, he accepted the lecture I held out to him. Gosh! Sentence by sentence, his criticism poured right on my face. “It’s silly to write this way.” “You shouldn’t
have talked this way.” “How awkward the lecture was arranged!” “What’s your main idea, I don’t see that…”
My face blushed promptly, my hand went sweaty. The stool was stinging. “Well,”
I murmured, “I knew it failed to arrange well, Teacher. That’s for I came to
you…” Without my finishing my words, he interrupted: “Your lecture lacks of depth and you talk too general.”
I flushed again. In fact I felt my face was almost burning. Tears welled upin my eyes. “Well, then I suppose I’d better give it up. It’s no chance anyway.” I said sheepishly, while trying to hold back my tears. Such a child-girl
you are, I condemned myself, while my efforts of holding back tears going in vain.
“I am sorry for you. But you should have spent more time on it, I suppose.” His voice lowered a little bit now. Well, I wanted to tell him that I indeed had spent much time on it. But I still sensed that there was something unsatisfactory
about it that I came to him.
I had no idea how I walked out from his office. My shoes were heavy, my mind went blank. I felt hurt, and moreover, humiliating. I tried to buoy myself up. Anyway, it was just a lecture. It doesn’t matter how others think about you, but how you think of yourself. Meanwhile, I tried to retrospect what advice the teacher gave me, attempting to polish my lecture the last time.
But I knew everything was different now. My confidence had gone with his words.
Now in retrospect, I can’t remember exactly later on how I took on the stage, but I did remember I can’t concentrate in the process of giving the speech. His
words kept striking in my ears that I forgot my words two times. When I saw the
regret in judges’ eyes, I wish I could never be there.
After the contest finished, I strengthened up all the energy I left to talk to one of the judges. I said I wish he could give some comments on my speech that I
could do better next time. Then he told me that my speech was ok, but I should have talked more affirmatively, and I shouldn’t have forgotten my lecture, since
which is a taboo in one speech.
Quite ironic, isn’t it? I would have talked more affirmatively, and I wouldn’t
have forgotten my lecture, if I hadn’t resorted to my teacher for help. It’s
his words that loosened my confidence. How can a guy convince others to be with
his point when he himself was not sure of it?
I understood my teacher. His intention must be good. He hoped that his criticism
could strike me more than compliments, like he usually did before. But if possible, could he give me some compliment that I badly needed that time? Anyway, I was not that ineligible to get that. Many thing may have ended up with difference.
