Dear friends,
If this is not a true story, then the writer can become an outstanding novelist!
Unfortunately, I tend to think that it is a true story....
She mentioned AIDS at the beginning of her first article. I think her lover hadAIDS and she caught AIDS, maybe from the men, maybe from prostituting herself.
Maybe she gave AIDS0 to him? He died from it. She killed herself. Her parents previously had both died of grief. That seems to be the jist of the story.
So, let us accept for now that it is true -- what can be learned from this storyto help other young women? There are some excellent lessons to be learned. I
hope you will all listen, and learn them well.
1. NEVER LET YOURSELVES BE IN A VULNERABLE SITUATION WHERE NOBODY WILL HEAR OR
SEE AND CAN HELP YOU IF YOU ARE ATTACKED. They were alone on the hillside in the dark making love when the gang-rape happened. Just watching them, those men became excited and were able to take over from the boyfriend. The lesson here, I
'm sorry to say, is that you should not go somewhere remote and alone to make love. You may get away with it, but you may pay a terrible price. Consider this:
these men must have been watchers, men who know that students come there for privacy. They may have raped other girls before. This girl didn't tell anyone so probably neither did others. Maybe those same men are still watching to stealwhatever they can.
2. a. THE MAN YOU'RE WITH CAN'T SAVE YOU AGAINST A WEAPON OR MORE THAN ONE MAN
.
b. DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING OTHER PEOPLE BOAST ABOUT THEMSELVES!
The young man she was with said lots of pretty things. He even believedthem himself. When the time came he wasn't able to save her. Be fair now,
do you *really* think that young man could have saved her from five men,
at least one of whom was armed with a knife? Be fair. Don't be idealistic.
Be fair. He was a rotten dirty louse later, for spreading stories about her at
the new place of work. But it is unreasonable to think that he could have
saved her from being gang-raped. He should have helped her to safety andtried to find someone responsible and trustworthy to guide them as to whatto do to protect her afterward, both physically and psychologically. Hewasn't mature enough for that, and he failed her again when he didn't do so.
DON'T THINK PARKING IN A LONELY PLACE TO MAKE LOVE IS SAFE, EVEN IF YOULOCK THE CAR DOORS. The same kind of thing can happen. It isn't hard to
smash a window. Think well before you put yourself in a vulnerable
situation because there is so very much at risk for you. Safest, of
course, is to be chaste before marriage. If you aren't going to do that,
at least plan your place very carefully from the point of view of safety,
especially for the girl.
If you are a woman walking in a quiet street at night and somebody pulls
up in a car to ask you directions, don't ever step towards the car. Keep
well back and ready to run for help. A woman, a divorced mother attending college whom I once knew was dragged into the car in such a situation, driven
to a nearby church parking lot and raped there. I was called to give comfort
the next day, so I came to know about it. I could tell you other scary
stories, but I think you see my point. Females, unfortunately, must always
be aware of their surroundings and the possibility of danger. Males must be aware that life is somewhat different for women in regards to danger than itusually is for them, and not put them into dangerous situations.
3. IT SEEMS THAT CHINA NEEDS SHELTERS READILY AVAILABLE FOR WOMEN IN TROUBLE
AND DANGER.
Are there any? There are here in Canada. They were founded by volunteers who cared. Phone numbers for them are posted in places that women go, such as women'
s public wash-rooms, and other places. A woman can get immediate advice by calling the phone number for the place, or by going to a 24 hour medical clinic to be checked by a physician. It is necessary to test for diseases she may have caught. There is also a pill now called "The morning after
pill." It can be used immediately the same night, or the next morning so
that a baby won't be conceived. Rapes need to be handled by physicians and
specially trained police who will not cause further trauma by insensitivequestioning.
If there aren't these resources yet in your city, maybe some of you who are already educated and have good jobs can think about getting together to found such homes where women in trouble can seek safe shelter and find protection, wise advice and prompt medical care. Women who have been beaten by their husbands can flee with their children to such a safe house, too. Often the addresses are kept quiet so that the abusive men can't follow them there.
4. A WOMAN WHO IS PREGNANT FOR WHATEVER REASON, IS NEVER DIRTY. SHE IS NEVER
A SPOILED HUMAN BEING. OTHER WOMEN MUST KNOW THIS SO THAT SHE CAN SEEK AND
FIND HELP.
A woman who is pregnant because she has been raped or otherwise becomes pregnant is not dirty. She isn't destroyed. She may need help very badly, though.
It needs to be available. This young woman was rejected from college.
She needed help and advice. A counsellor trained for traumatic student
situations should have been available to give her guidance. She should have
at least been able to get back into that or another university later.
Here in Canada, pregnant high school girls still may attend school. When their
babies are born they can either allow them to be adopted through a legal adoption agency, or they can keep them and raise them together with family members, if
possible. They are allowed to bring their child or children to high school or college. There is child daycare there for the children while the mothers are in
school. There is government child support money each month for every child, whether it is in a family or with a single parent. Whether the parents are rich or
poor. If the parents have enough money, the support money is taxed back when they pay their income taxes. If the mother or family are poor then the child support money helps very much, together with whatever else she can earn to supplement it.
5. NEVER LET YOURSELF BECOME HELPLESS THROUGH ALCOHOL, OR DRUGS THAT MAY HAVE
BE SECRETLY ADDED TO YOUR DRINK WHEN YOU WEREN'T LOOKING.
Ideally, college aged women shouldn't drink alcohol in bars. Certainly they should NEVER drink in a bar alone! If a woman goes into a bar with a man, or a group of friends, she should be very sure of the kind of people she's with and how
trustworthy they are.
At a house party or in a bar, even when she feels quite safe, a woman should never set her drink down or let it out of her sight. If she does, then shemust throw away that drink. It is entirely possible for a "date rape" drug to be added to a woman's drink. They are tasteless, and you won't know it until you
wake up in some terrible situation. Unfortunately this has become a fairlyfrequent problem here. I don't imagine that China will always be far behind.
So take notice and form good habits!
6. IT WAS BAD JUDGEMENT TO QUIT HER JOB IN THE WAY SHE DID. CAN YOU THINK
OF A WAY SHE MIGHT HAVE HANDLED THINGS BETTER FOR HERSELF? IT ISN'T A
BAD IDEA TO THINK THIS THROUGH IN CASE YOU EVER NEED TO LEAVE A JOB FOR
SOME REASON YOU CAN'T SHARE WITH YOUR EMPLOYER. WHAT WOULD BE BEST TO
DO? LET'S DISCUSS IT.
Always think for your own best outcome. This young woman needed to make sure she got a good reference for another job. I think she was so traumatized that she
couldn't think straight. That's because she wasn't given any help or treatment
or compassion after the disaster that overtook her. What do you think she could have done in order to get the needed references from this employer? Is there
any way you can think of that she could have kept her job but not had to work with the man. Could she have trusted her boss and said that she had known him before and it wouldn't work in this situation for them to work together. Leaving the company suddenly in the lurch without her wasn't a good thing to do.
7. SHE WENT TO A BAR ALONE ESPECIALLY TO GET DRUNK. It seems she had evencome to hate herself and not to care about what might happen to her. She wasdestroyed without the help she needed. This was the very worse thing she could have done while in trouble and despair. Never take this kind of action if you are in despair or trouble. Stop. Try to get help. At least do nothing that will
cause further damage. Getting drunk is no solution to anything at all. Itonly leaves you helpless and vulnerable.
I know the parents of a young woman who was kidnapped from a local bar parking lot of a decent hotel here. She had been with friends, and left the bar alone quite late at night, to go to her car. She was grabbed and bundled into the back of a van. She awoke to find she had been driven across the border into
the USA by two men. She managed to escape when she insisted she needed to use a
toilet. They let her out by a woods to relieve herself. She ran and hid, in the darkness they didn't find her. The end of this story is that she escaped in the morning, got to a town, found police, phoned her parents, who came and got her and brought her home. What would have happened to her if she hadn't escaped?
We don't know. But women are quite often abused and murdered, or turned into sex slaves.
I hope this analysis will help somebody stay safe who might have been in
danger.
Sincerely, and with affection for you all, Mary
