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Where is My Future
来源：洪恩论坛 Canuck's Comments
日期：2005-5-20
作者：caroline.
阅读：2314 次
Where is My Future
It sounds that where my future is too big and ambiguous a question, but, really,
it is what is on my mind these days. I reckoned that I had thought it out, but
it turned out I was wrong. The warnings and suggestions accordingly that my teachers gave me totally shaken, if not changed, my decision.
Four years ago when I came to university, I was full of confidence. I finally gave up Medicine, a field that my parents had chosen for me, for my years’ experience well told me that I was unfit for it at all. So I came to study Electronics
against my parents’ will.
And this time I chose Electronics totally by myself. But when I chose it in the
first place, I had no idea what it was about. The only thing that I knew was it
may offer me a good job after I graduated, and can help me to leave my provincial hometown finally.
In fact, later on after I came to school, my teachers in the university reinforced my thought of it. They said in the class as long as we can learn every subject well, finding a handsome job was just a matter of time. Now it turned out, four years later after that, that what they said was indeed true. Most of my classmates have found a not bad, if not handsome, job.
I almost could be happy, finally. But then came up another problem. That is, the
four-year education taught me not only the required knowledge for job, but also
a way of thinking independently. I mean, to find a job after graduation, following by time, has ceased to be the sole purpose that I stayed in campus. I wanted
more.
Surely I still wanted to earn my bread, which is true to anybody. But I also wanted to learn something, say language, which I am so interested in. During the past four years, I found that what Electronics really meant, and it was something
I was neither capable of nor fond of.
Earlier this year as my classmates all went out of school for job hunting, I was
not exception. I handed out my CV to every potential employer with them. But my
inner voice warned me time and time again that I should think twice of what I was doing: Am I indeed ready for work, being an Electronic engineer is really what I want to be?
I didn’t know, to say the truth. That time I just saw the craze of job hunting
in my class. So I did the same. Later on I got several interviews. But in the end no one was willing to employ me. Why? I asked myself. Was it because I was so
bad, or essentially I just didn’t want to be employed?
I remember one of the interviews well. I, with other candidates, spent a whole afternoon to finish the two copies of paper, one targeted on English, the other Electronics. The next day I was informed that I had passed it, and was asked to prepare for the second round of the interview, which held in the morning of the next day.
But I turned it down finally. My reason for doing so was that I wanted to further study so badly that I don’t want to give it up, thought which meant I had but to experience another months’ hardship. The idea had been lingering on my mind for so long that I just can't let it go so readily.
So I told my family and all my friends my decision. This time they supported me
fully. My mother said that only if I wanted to do so, I would surely succeed in
time. So at the beginning, I was so sure of myself. I was also sure that my decision was surely right.
But it is just like the saying goes: It’s easily said than done. The practice I
went through told me that everything was by no means as easy as I had thought.
I found how shifting to a totally new field actually meant. It was in no way a thing that only a resolute heart can manage.
Then my teachers came. Somewhat they heard my decision, which was unreasonable and naïve, in their eyes. They talked to me directly in the class that
I should drop my decision. You are too irrational so as to pick up this idea, they said. Moreover, one of which even warned me outrightly that, if insisting on
it, I would just waste my time.
So what should I do now? Somewhat I know I should thank them for their thoughtfulness of me. But for another, I was really oppressed with frustration because of
their words. In their opinion, I should definitely drop the immature idea of becoming a postgraduate, but go outside to find a job related to my major, just like others did.
First Medicine, which had already gloomed me for years. Then Electronics, which
by now still failed to interest and satisfy me. Then came up language, which was
an ideal option for me, but an insane option in my teacher’s eyes.
The other day I went to a lecture given by the CEO of a multinational company. He said in his speech that he was glad to find his field in time, and suggested that one’s talent can only be fully played in his or her favorite field.
That time after his lecture I wanted to ask him how he can find his field right
after graduation. Was it because he was just too lucky; or just people, like me,
were too picky? I felt my life, much of them, had been wasted in seeking and changing.
I am tired, really. Sometimes I feel maybe I should just do as others do: go to
university, find a job after graduation, or go to further study on the same major. How come I am so difficult to be satisfied? In essence, what do I really want
? I have no idea.
I said I wanted to a language expert. And to become one, exposing myself in the
environment is a most feasible way. So I chose to study in language. And that’s
what I am doing. But my teachers, their ruthless words, totally beat me down. They thought my decision was just too unpractical.
SO what I can do now? While I am still struggling for my graduation thesis on Electronics, I feel totally lost, and hopeless. Should I stick to it, ignoring what my teachers said; or just follow by the direction they thought the most feasible for me, eventually becoming a nobody in Electronics field?
Caroline.