This morning when I was in the subway, I saw an old lady of my mother’s age.
My heart softened immediately for my mother’s sake, and asked the lady to take
my seat. She wore an elegant linen dress. This made me think of my mother
again. Mom must look nice in such a dress as well. She is always so stingy to
herself and she must forget to buy new summer clothes again. I will go out this
weekend to buy some for her instead… Anyway, I am going to call her tonight.
My mom is living in a little town far away from where I am. That little town is
my birth place. Mom never leaves there in real sense since she married my
father, and that was 46 years ago.
When I was about to graduate from college I was in quite a dilemma about where
to find a job. An institute offered me some research job in a city relatively
near to my birth place. However, my then boyfriend wanted me to stay in the big
city, where I finished my college education and got to know him. You know China
is really big and if I stayed in the big city, it would be impossible for me to
go home often enough. My father passed away when I was a sophomore, and my
brothers all had their own homes and children to care and they don’t live with
my mother. So she had been alone for quite some time.
When my mother got to know my difficulty, she asked me to choose regardless of
her situation. She said she was used to living quiet and alone. Well, I didn’t
and don’t believe she didn’t want to live with me, because I am her only
daughter and the closest to her heart now. However, I also believed I was able
to let her live with me soon enough, when I settled down in the big city. So at
last, I found a job that had nothing to do with my major, rented a flat (I’d
rather call that a “room” instead of a “flat”, because it is indeed a room
of about 10 square meters, without private toilet or kitchen), and married.
I should say love is great despite all present economic scarcity. My hubby and
I got on quite well, and our small flat is so sweet a place with hand-made
decorations everywhere.
But I missed my mom, so much that I found myself staring at women about her age
on the street. Their wrinkled face, white hair, and waddled pace, all reminded
me of her dear. I always believe I am the extraordinarily lucky one to have
such a caring loving woman with all worldly wisdom as my mom. When I was a
child, my sense of safety came from the view of her busy movements in kitchen,
her soft voice of talking, her smiles that sometimes like a mother’s,
sometimes like a little girl’s – I always believe there is a much younger
soul in my mom. We are such good friends! Before I went to college we almost
spent everyday together.
Yes, I made regular phone calls to her. But that’s simply not enough. I wonder
if she eats well or sleeps well when all her children are not with her; I doubt
if she could manage to go to the hospital when she was ill. All and all, I
still couldn’t ask her to live with us by now. The most expensive thing in a
big city is room, room and room. One third of my salary is gone for the small
room we rent, and my hubby is still studying for his doctorate, and only
receives a small sum as subsidiary.
Nevertheless, I got to cheer up and do well. Only this way I can expect to meet
my mom soon…