Dear Joan Blue,
(I have addressed to you and also to mature men here like Panpanpan, David, Charles, and the rest because I would like to know what the men think about
my reasoning in the last two paragraphs, too.
*********
Joan, how good it is to to hear from you again after all this time! I'm only sorry that you have such a disheartening story to share about your so-called friend. I imagine by now you realize that this woman is extremely jealous of you?
You were courteous when you excused yourself and got off the phone. Now you need to think hard about whether you are going to continue with this acquaintance,
or not. In her jealousy she is tearing down your self-confidence. Why don't you
consider coming here to the forum to share your ups and downs if you are lonely
in Beijing and haven't found a true friend there yet?
I well remember all your hard work at a part-time job as well as taking your studies in Australia where you found the language and cultural difficult. She denigrated your overseas experience and the standing you got through your studies there. I don't believe that that doesn't mean anything to employers in China. The
very fact that you were able to live abroad is proof of courage and independence
. That is valued at the right levels in a company.
The job you found for yourself in the excellent company where you are came to you because of yourself, as you explained, and was not one that could have been obtained through family influence and connections.
You seem to have been given a fresh start in the new department. I expect the
contract signing has been postponed until they feel confident that such a thingwon't happen again. I think you are a smart girl and will be extra careful and
also will figure out how to show yourself to be very competent there. Probably
after enough time has passed without any problem arising they'll sign your contract. Don't forget -- you were able to go alone to a foreign land, live with English speaking people of the country, and hold a demanding service job there. You have what it takes. Don't let your confidence be destroyed by that
unfortunate acquaintance. Let her go her own way and make her choice in life faor herself. She seems to have lots of drive and many ideas about how to do it.
Let your paths diverge. That's my advice.
She is tryint to manage one of the most important parts of your life. It was one thing to introduce you to someone. But she should have left it at that, and not continued to press you to find a boyfriend. After all, who one lives intimately with in life is one of the most important things there is. Nobody should trespass there. She is going way too far when she trespasses on your personal life
, dear Joan.
Once I made a mistake due to lack of training and too much responsibility too early given by a boss who didn't bother to train me properly. I lost that job. In the long run I made out better than I would have if I hadn't lost it, and it didn't matter in my life path at all. At my age I can look back at these things
and see how patterns turned out. If you should happen to lose the present job it would be somewhat unjust. It doesn't look as thought that's what is happening
. If they were going to let you go they would have already done so. Instead they transferred you and put off signing your contract. Stay cool dear girl.
I think the quotation is "Judge not that ye be not judged" and I personally think it is involved with judging other people's sins. You see, if we use a hard eye to judge other people's sins, how can we expect God to have mercy on us when judging ours. I was a Christian most of my life, know a lot about the teachings
of Jesus, and I feel quite sure that this person wasn't judging your sins, she was being extremely jealous. She seems always to have been jealous of you for a
long time, but so long as things were going relatively well for her the jealousy
didn't rise up too strongly in her. Now, since things have become quite difficult for her the jealousy has grown very strong.
I would really be healthiests for you, dear girl, to let this "friendship" go and let it become the acquaintanceship that it really is. Some day you will probably find out how her path turned out, and how your own turned out.
It is true that suitable men become fewer as a woman is more highly educated, becomes older, and has a more responsible position. Men with lesser education and
success don't feel they can compete, and there are fewer who haven't marriedas one gets older.
On the other hand let's look at this marriage situation pragmatically. You have
a one child policy in China. Under normal conditions a few more boys are born than girls and by the time they grow up the numbers of adults are about the same.
In your culture families still want to have boys rather than girls. So there are many more males born than there are females. More males are highly educated
because in that regard too, boys still have the edge. All over the world, since
men and women still are not really equal when it comes to "opportunities, rights and priveleges" yet, more men have the highest career positions.
To me that means that not only is there a shortage of wives, there will be a shortage of well-educated, internationally sophisticated wives with good careerpositions for all those men who are interested in world commerce. China is inviting the world to her door through the Olympics. She is already one of the greatest exporters in the world and is becoming a twin power with the USA. I can't
see that there is going to be no suitable mate for a moral woman of intelligence
like you. How would that be possible. I'll also tell you another thing: that
is that plenty of well educated Western men find Chinese women very attractive
and they want wives who can match them for brains and interests.
So -- That's what I have to say about all this. You are a capable, intelligent
woman who is able to readily express her ideas. I hope you will give me your opinion and observations on the last three paragraphs in particular.
I always wish you the very best, dear Joan Blue,
Affectionately, Mary
