December 14th, 2005
Dear Mary,
Thank you very much for your approval and encouragement to me as always.
You just spoke out the exact words I wanted to say that this friend of mine is actually jealous about me.
For such a long time, I chose not to write even a single word, for I’m hesitated about the question: to say or not to say.
I’m that kind of straightforward person, as you might have noticed from my previous writings about my daily life. I have got so used to share almost every detail about the happenings in my life with other people.
It’s not until I started to work in this society that I know to say a lot means
trouble, and thus realizing the very wisdom of the old Chinese saying that silence is the gold.
I don’t intend to judge people like the opinion that I have already had in my mind. However, I truly take it for granted that it’s better not to say in most occasions, even in front of your colleagues and friends.
Take this friend of mine for instance, as you have also pointed out that she has
been jealous about me all the time, but I just failed to notice it in time. As
a result, her envy eventually intensified into such an unbearable level to me, and our friendship is probably to end.
I have talked too much in front of her, even though I thought she ought to have
been very happy to share with my good stories, but she had been envious instead.
My concern is quite obvious. If you talk about your achievements, few listeners
will be happy about it at all, some of them might misunderstood you as boasting
yourself, some others might be jealous, and the rest will feel even hurt, for their situation might be exactly in the opposite.
For the above reasons, I take it for granted that it’s not reasonable to share
your achievements and happiness with others. On the other hand, it’s also unsuitable to make complaints.
It’s simple to understand that nobody will like to be treated as a “rubbish bin” for unpleasant complaints. We get all our own worries and concerns, we are busy with our own life, we get no time to think about too many unhappy or even depressing things, which may not happen to us, but was forced to listen by our acquaintances.
I used to be very pessimistic about life, I had been complaining for my unnecessary worries all the time. I came to realize what a great torture my friend could
already have suffered, so I tried hard not to open my mouth.
To say or not to say, I tend to answer this question with the latter. As I illustrated above, it’s not good to talk about neither good things nor bad.
One of my friends, who had worked for just a few months once reminded me that ”
there is no friends in office, but just colleagues, it’s dangerous to share too
much personal information or life with your colleagues, for you never know whether they will be your enemy some other day.”
Another friend of mine also mentioned that she could hardly understand that why
I was so honest to these unknown net-pals, to share my real name, career, workplace, or even the detailed happenings in the office. To her, strangers are after
all strangers, you never know these hidden people, and so were the potential danger or harm that they might bring you.
I take their words into consideration, and I have seen the importance of being alert as a social person. The fact is that you never know what’s happening in this rapid changing word, and what it will be if there are the inevitable conflicts in interest.
To say or not to say, as a social being, we do need to think about this question
, what do you think and some other friends in the forum?
Affectionally yours,
Joan