Hi Yabingchen,
You wrote something about the differences between East and West, and I wouldlike to reply as I see things a little differently from you and I think itwould be valuable to discuss the subject. :-)
You wrote: "Chinese first need to build up an interpersonal relationship, a foundation where it抯 possible to find the right level of context."
Westerners like to know who we're dealing with, too. If we do, we can do business on a handshake. If we don't, then we insist on iron-clad contracts.
You wrote: "Let抯 take a look at the different ways of doing business between the two cultures as an example. Done business first is the way in the west.
Chinese need a bit of routine to get warm before going any further, as no trust
no business. They usually have a chat, drink or banquet in order to get their kindness crossed."
My reply: in order to get to know each other better for business relationships
lots of men in high positons go to their clubs. They take visitors there for a
good meal together and an atmosphere where they can talk. Then there are all those deals that are made on golf-courses. It is believed that you can learn a lot about a person by the way they play golf. Also, in that more casual setting many deals are sealed. These are a couple of reasons that women have had difficulty breaking into the business world at the highest levels. They didn't have access to these private clubs. Men could take their business acquaintances there,
but women weren't allowed. This is still being broken down. From time to time
you will read about where women have been now allowed. At these clubs and on the golf course they chat, drink and eat together and come to know and understand
each other. If things go well they deal. If things don't then they don't deal
with each other. It's just done in a little different way, don't you think?
You wrote: "In such culture, where loss of face overrides all other considerations of social and business importance, you gotta be very careful with your behaviour, the words, the body language and even your appearance. If you behave or look different than others, you抮e gonna be in trouble. Others would think what抯
wrong with you, you think you抮e special? And they抣l leave you alone. If you抮epromoted or get something lucky, you抎 get envied.:
My reply: things are somewhat different here: loss of face doesn't override all other considerations. However, Western businesspeople remember that "face" is
very important to Easterners, and try not to cause trouble for themselves or hurt the other. They even take courses to understand better. Not all, but those who will be visiting or doing business will do so, or read what they can to learn
what the customs are. Anything to learn how not to cause offense.
Here they also study body language. It is possible to read a person's thoughts
through body language. For instance, a person who makes a tent of his fingers in front of him on a desk is feeling superior. One who looks down and to the side is remembering. One who leans forward and looks sincere is perceived that way
. It may be true, or it may be a pose he is assuming to appear sincere and open
. One who crosses legs and arms should be conscious of the fact that it means they are defensive. It is also important in which direction they cross them. Toward someone, or away from someone. Away means inwardly they feel away from that person, too. Many things have significance and give insight. It really works
.
Your reading of body language may or may not tell you something about Westerners
, and ours may or may not tell us something about Easterners. I don't know. Maybe it would be interesting to talk about it a bit and find out.
To continue my reply: people dress according to where they work. Presently dress is becoming more formal again. Once a long time ago it used to be suits and skirts or pants, and a shirt or blouse, and for men a necktie, especially at higher executive levels. That's why they call them "men in suits." The fine vertical pinstripe on a dark, conservatively styled suit is definitely an authority suit. Then things changed a little. Friday became the day that anybody could wear the *right kind* of casual clothing to work. This was the IBM type company style of dress. I believe it's coming back again.
People in any field to do with creativity or the arts tend to wear all black, or
a lot of black. Black jacket, black turtleneck sweater. Black pants. Black shoes.
A mistake women can make is to wear sexy type clothes or too bright or flowered
things, or too casual things to the office. If you want to get ahead you should
always wear clothing such as is worn by the people on the next rung up from you
. Never wear the kind of casual homey clothes the "girls in the secretarial pool" wear if you don't want to stay there. A conservative jacket is a more formal
sign and can signal that you are serious and could move up.
Of course you will be envied if you are promoted. But smart people don't make such people feel badly because some day their own promotions could be held back by that person. They remain friendly and cooperative and swallow their jealousy
if they have it, if they know what's best for them. :-)
So if you wear a business suit or the colourful overly casual clothes in an artistic or creative environment you are going to look very strange and certainly beperceived as an outsider. The same is true for every kind of place. All of them have their own dress codes which are either spelled out, or can be observed.
Some, such as people who are writing new programmes, or doing anything advanced
with computers are "geeks" and wear their casual, geeky clothes which are usually not in style. If one of them came in a business suit everybody would think he
had dropped in on his way to a funeral. People in our society who don't know how to dress properly for various kinds of occasions are still perceived as ignorant a bit outside of it.
When you go to someone's home by invitation in order to show your respect you should dress a little more than the hosts will in order to show your respect. If
they dress up for dinner, then you will look weird if you don't. Some people actually still do, you see. Cocktail parties are the same. And if an invitation
says "black tie" it indicates the degree of formality for both males and females
. It means at least a cocktail dress for a woman and a dark suit or tux for a man. People who don't wear the right clothes show that they don't know.
You wrote: "Therefore, Chinese people tend to be reserved which is considered as active behaviour in a collectivistic culture and silence is seen as polite anddoesn't have to be replaced with communication."
My reply: It depends on the age, social standing, degree of wealth, and personality, how reserved people will be here. Some people are reserved. Some aren't.
Canadians tend to be much more reserved than people from the USA. Germans tend to be more formal than others. With older Germans you still call them Mr. or
Mrs. or Dr. until you are invited to call them something less formal and that invitation may never come. The younger generation is different. But you have to
feel your way until you understand what's going on.0
Here in Canada older people don't like to be casually addressed by their
first names unless it is by friends (or equals.) A store clerk or doctor's
receptionist is not an equal when an older person is there to consult the doctoror to buy. Of course it is different if the same person is met in a social context. Then they are equals except for age. It seems that every
older person feels a bit miffed when a much younger clerk or receptionist calls
them by their first name without a last name. Let alone without their title of
Mr. Mrs. Dr. or whatever. Yet it is commonly done. It's a mistake on the part
of the employer to allow it to happen.
Many people have let absolutely everything go. They never dress up. They don't
observe manners. They do all kinds of things. But they also do it with their family and pals where it seems to be acceptable. If they step outside that level of society it is noticed. A lot of children of the hippies have lost their knowledge of manners. Now many are going to classes
to learn manners again. There are many children who have been spoiled and are completely uncivilized. People are beginning to be very concerned about it. There is a whole mannerliness thing happening as people become aware that it isn't
any longer acceptable to talk with your mouth full, not know how to carry on a conversation at table, put your elbows on the table, slurp and make chewing noises, begin to eat before your hostess, or before everyone has sat down at the table, and so on. People are actuall now interviewed for jobs in nice restaurants so that the prospective employer can find out if they are employable for certain
kinds of jobs, or if they can represent the company properly, or if they will be
promotable. Nobody wants an uncouth higher executive representing them!
The same goes for illiterate speech. Make common and illiterate grammatical errors as a native speaker and it will be noted, unless you are with other people who do the same. Cursing and swearing is also becoming unacceptable in
general. Not so long ago it was "cool." Now it's only acceptable among certainkinds of people and groups. Some places it still is, though.
Usually, rather than be in complete silence, Westerners make "small talk." It is designed to let the other person hear their voice, and get a feeling for what
kind of a person they are. It is to make others comfortable with you so they don't wonder about you with any feeling of anxiety. Small talk is about the weather, and things like that. I used to scorn it, but now I see that it's a necessary bridge. If you don't know a person very well you use it. If you do, you don
't usually need to use it.
Yabingchen, you are working in a certain kind of industry or profession, and what you find there is what is acceptable among those kinds of people in those circumstances. If you worked somewhere else, although in a Western company, it could be different. Companies also could have different styles depending on where their offices are located in the world.
There are also variations among Canadians, Americans, Brits, French, Italians, and so on. Mexicans and South Americans will be different again. I think once again, that they are somewhat more formal. It's all quite interesting to me.
Warmly, Mary
