Steams of Life (6)
It has been quite a while that I have written some stuff, which was not because
that I had nothing to write, but I simply couldn’t find time to do it. Nor could I have access to the internet. Earlier on when I went out roller skating with
my friend, I told him that I actually I did need internet access. It made me feel connected to the outside world, I said.
But it is true. Let me think about it. During the past one or two months I had been reading a couple of books, such as David Copperfield, Madame Bovary, The Great Gatsby, and Around the World in Eighty days, and A Farewell to Arms, and etc.
It’s good in a way surely. After all I had crafted for them for quite a while
before actually I could have spare time to enjoy them. But to put it in another
way, I think my life wasn’t so interesting. I should have made my life more diverse and enjoyable. Going online could be not bad a choice.
Actually I hadn’t really come to think of how much I relied on the interest until I got cut off not long time ago. But then I realized that I indeed could live
my life without network at all, but obviously my life style would become much more interesting if I did have access to it. Well, so I think I should sort this
out soon.
Going home to visit my parents during the Spring Festival break wasn’t so exciting. But tasting the dumpling my mother made, chatting away after dinner with my
father, and the whole family staying together were actually unforgettable. But
I guess that should be the whole festival stuff about. What’s the point of burning your money for the expensive transportation fee if you don’t enjoy a bit when staying with your family anyway?
I remember when I came back Shanghai after the festival, I told my friend that how bland the life in my hometown was and how somewhat I felt trapped when I had
to stay there long. There was no entertainment available, unless you think playing mahjong or cards is interesting. People also treat gossip as their daily necessity. I don’t think you will ever have any privacy there, since the town is so
small and backward, and the people are so curious and eager to attend to trifles.
Anyway that’s my impression of my hometown. And I don’t feel I am obliged to lie about it. Of course because of my parents, I still feel somewhat connected to
that place. But except for that, I don’t have any affection at all. Nostalgia
is a state of mind, which probably has nothing to do with the place you were born. For me, Shanghai is my home now. It is massive, vibrated, and full of opportunities. I like to see myself in the cities of this kind, if I do have to set myself with a city background.
My friend and I talked about it the other day actually. He said he would love to
see himself living in a big city before he came to China. When he said this, he
didn’t mean living in the pigeon cage like houses I think. More likely I think
he mean living in some place where you have freedom to do what you would like to do, and where you feel the least being trapped. Shanghai is this kind of city
in a way, he said. But of course you have to be careful, for what you have seen
here in Shanghai could only be an illusion. The level of civilization hasn’t arrived that high yet I am afraid.
Being a one hundred percent Chinese, sometimes I felt obliged to defend for my country a little bit, when I heard my friend criticizing it. But no, deep in my heart I knew he said something just to the point. The level of civilization here
is indeed not as high as some western countries. Seeing through the surface of luminous neon nights on the streets at night, you can know that China still gets
a long way to go before the people get prosperous both in terms of their living
standard and their mind.
So in general, I think criticism isn’t that bad. It may serve as a good push soemtimes. If we all become blindly proud of the progress China is making, it isn’
t good, is it? So I am happy now I can break away from the idea that I am Chinese. It’s not because I get westernized or want to, but simply because I probably
can see a better picture of it if I have a detached attitude...
(To be continued soon hopefully)
