Mentions to my father will be a doomed pain in my life !
Write first from my father's death.
When I was a freshman, one day two people from my hometown came to my shcoolto ask me to go home with the reason that my grandfather got sick,he thought mevery much .Actually at that time I already guessed correctly the matter was notwonderful, in general condition they wouldn't come here . However my grandfather usually loves me extremely, so I also felt the pain in my heart
On my way go home ,I burst into tears unceasingly, waiting for what I didn't nowwant to see , but unexpectedly --- It's my father,an unexpected illness cost his life unfortunately, when I got home I found that his body has been ice-cold.
I did not know who my pain should to tell, nobody can understand my pain, perhaps tear can make one's feeling numb but it cann't make my memory --- my father!
My father was born in 50's ,He experienced the Three years natural disaster
and the Great Cultural Revolution,Therefore he could endure hardship specially,in order to let the family member eat full ,the work no matter how hard he wouldlike to do .But he also was the mam who was not very clever to use his mind ,heonly wanted to depend on his own physical labor to support the family ,and at the same time he was not very talkative, so life for him was especially hard.Every day he went to work in darkness and came back late,in farming days he still
stick to work in the evening.
My father often felt himself inferior, but he was never submited.He had Psoriasis, this let him feel frequently inferior.
Although he had seen many doctors and eaten many medicines, but always does not see the change for the better, on the surface he looked well, but I knewHe endured more high many pressures compared to others , the more time ,the morepressrures in his mind .Even so he still work with no complaint , because he didn't want anyone to look down upon for him , who could do he also can do who could not do he still want to achieve .Therefore in my usual life ,I often saw a father who was emaciated and his facial features was thin and pale . Although I would not like to see, hoping he could take care of himself more better,but I could not , I could not demand him to do what or not to do what ,it must be his responsibility in his eye.
I should to thank my father for my studying.In that conservative age he stillpersisted especially let me go to school, from the first day I never feel abashed in my school expense .
My father has a custom -smoking, the tobacco he bought was the cheapest kind,
Almost every day one box to smoke.Afterward that kind of tobacco can not be find in the market .So he changed to buy shredded tobacco for smoking. I was afraid that he got sick for smoke,therefore I disliked extremely to his this kind of hobby, sometimes I hid secretly his shredded tobacco , but he smoked more often as time passing. Afterward I gradually understood that, the smoke is not only
a kind of need but also kind of spiritual reposing, so I no longer ask him to stop smoking, but I still worry him very much.
What I worried did not happen ,what I had not thought occurred actually. In
my eye father was emaciated, but his muscle was extremely solid, however the reality was brutal .
Although they the spoke countless words to want to let me summon up again.but I knew all these already were impossible!
I said they did not understand my heart, never can any people be able to understand, because I am the only one children in my family.I got almost all the love from my father but I had never repaid, I am not able to make my father happyin his life . How brutalit it is? I deeply felt that I was a anufacturer who made this tragedy .
If time can flow backwards,I certainly will to prevent it!
If the life can be replace ,I would like to use my half life to save my father's life !
If. . . . . . . .
But I knew it is not impossible, the world is so brutal,everything you want to
cherish when you have lost it!
