Dear Diana,
Please listen carefully to Google, whose post to you is very wise. There is only heartbreak and sorrow here for you.
Cut off the relationship. It may take you two years to recover, now that you have gone so far, but don't go any further. You will recover and be peaceful again.
Maybe you can work toward a little more romantic time with your own husband. It
is not impossible. Stroke his hand. Move a little closer. Do little things and see how he responds.
It is not surprising that you had more excitement during sex with this other man
. It was an unusual adventure. When you go to bed with your husband it is much
more usual and therefore doesn't excite you as much. It sounds like you have a
good, faithful husband. If so, then become a good, faithful wife. Faithfulness in marriage is a wonderful thing. Trust is excellent. There is much more to
marriage than excitement in bed. If you were married to this man in some time the experiences with him would become usual, too.
You have a small heaven in your marriage with your husband and child if you and
he build it together in trust and caring. If you continue as you are you can stand to lose it all. Stop now. Take control of your feelings and let your head
rule your heart. You have made a mistake that frequently happens and theresults are usually the same: just what Google described.
As for the guilt. Sit by yourself and think of the great Creator of everything.
Then ask this great Power for forgiveness and healing. If you
are very sincere you will be forgiven. You will know if you were very sincere in your guilt and your asking forgiveness. Now you need to understand and believe that you have been forgiven. Now that you have changed you are not the same as
you were before if you become a faithful wife -- then you have become a faithful wife and that is what you are. Before you were unfaithful. You learned from
the experience, asked forgiveness, and have now become a faithful wife.
Don't tell your husband about this adventure because it would hurt him and cause
trouble in your marriage. You can recover as you did before. Look for other ways to experience valuation. You are not just a clerk, a wife and a mother. You are an individual with talents and abilities of your own. With thoughts and feelings of your own, and you are unique among all the billions of human beings who have ever lived. Look for yourself inside yourself. You won't find yourself
in this way, and I think that is what you were searching for. You need to find
a way to get what you need, which is validation of your specialness and your beauty in other ways. Not through extra-marital romance.
Warmly and with caring, Mary