Today my mood is so awful, I still can't drag myself from yesterday's anger. Yesterday I lost control of my temper. I hit my son heavily. I couldn't control myself.
My son is five years old. He is in a kindergarten, the big class. Tomorrow year,
he will go to primary school. In China, kids in big class also need to learn some writing and calculating. As I never taught him calculating and writing at home, so his ability was a litter inferior than other kids. Sometimes he didn't know what is 4 plus 4, or what is 7 minus 3. So I must teach him at home. That was
not the worst. What I couldn't bear was that his writing speed is so slow. The teacher only assigned them to write 10 lines Chinese pronunciation, but he always
delayed finishing it. I felt so angry about it. Other kids can finish it at kindergarten. But he never finished it. He must take it to home. And at home, his speed was so slow. He wrote as he played. Sometimes he just wrote one pronuciation and then he went to W.C. or ate a candy. Always nearly 9 o'clock at night, he
couldn't finish it. And it was time for him to sleep. So what I should do was stop his writing. And the next day, I explained the situation to the teacher. He had not handed in homework for three times. I felt so ashamed. But he just took it easy.
Yesterday, I took him to McDonald to have hamburg, juice and French fries. He likes such foreign snack so much. I told him it was a prize. He must finish homework after supper. He was so happy and also agreeed happily. After supper, he played for a while and we came back.
When we came back to home, it was nearly 7 o'clock. First he did some abacus calculating. This also was homework. There were 30 subjects. As his speed was so slow, when he finished, it was nearly 8 o'clock. Then I asked him to write pronuciation. It seemed he was a little tired. He began to sing. I asked him not to sing, just do his homework. But he was so stubborn. I felt so fidgety. As he had not handed in his homework for three times. I just worried about it. I really didn
'
t want it happen again. I urged him to write quickly. As his writing speed was really too slow, just like embroidering. Although I urged him to quicken speed, he still wrote as before. One minute after one minute, it was nearly half past 8,
but he just finished only 2 lines. I couldn't control myself and hit him.
I feel so frustrated. I never want him to be the No. 1 in class, but at least he
should not be the last one. But just at kindergarten, it seems he has already
lagged behind. How disappointed I am!
I feel so oppressive. In today's China, the society competition become more and
more ardent. So many graduates are in unemployment. If he does not study hard, how does he face tomorrow's competition?
I feel so worried. I know I should not hit him. But when at home, when seeing him, I really can't control myself. I usually lose temper. Also I feel blamed. If
I don't look at his study, maybe he is a good boy, smart and clever. I never thought his writing is so awful. Maybe my expectation is too high.
