Dear Mary
Your words really touch my sore spot, my heart is so painful. All the beautiful
scene disappeare. Do I not want to end such aparting status? Absolutely no. As a
single mother, I feel more and more pressure and discommodiousness. My son does
not have chance to enjoy his father's love. And I also can't care for his father. Only we live together, that is really a family. I feel so painful. Your words
just let me to think about something which I am always escaping.
My husband worked in another city three years ago. At that time, he could go home once a week. So we were weekend couples at that time. I did not feel something
wrong as we could see each other often. But two years ago, he went to Shanghai.
It is about 8 hours train from here. So he could only go home at some long holidays such as spring festival.
My son is five years old, but the time which his father accompanies with him is
no more than 5 month. But my son still loves his father very much. I think maybe
because his father never beat him. He always appreciates his son so much because son is just like him so much. Now my son is in senior class in the kindergarten. Tomorrow September he will go to primary school.
I work in a public school. My work is very relaxed. I have no pressure. Although
my salary is not high, I have sound society insurance. In this school I feel very secure. I need not contact with outside society. I feel I am in a strongbox.
School is my family. I am satisfied with my work. My house is in my school too.
It only takes me five minutes to go to my office from my home. Even in work time
, I can go home to do housework because our discipline is not so strict. This work is stable. I never worry about unemployment. This work is easy. So I have plenty time to look after my son. This work also offer me rather high society status. As our city is not very big, and our school is a key middle school. If students want to go to university, they will go to our school. So you can imagine working in such a school, how will people look at you? Wherever I go, if other people know my unit, they will use another kind of eye look at me. Although I am not
capable, I also have some peacockery. So I don't want to lose this good work.
I also don't want to work too hard. My middle class experience makes me scare pressure. At that time, I never had time to play, nor do I had plenty time to sleep. I must deal with 7 subjects. Everyday there are so many homeworks. I must recite some many knowledge. Reminding that time, I still feel so scared. It is just
like a nightmare. I live like a machine. Until today I am still afraid of been
hitched by something such as do some important work as teaching students in our
school. I like easy life. I don't want to be hitched again. I love English so much. So I just learn English from self-taught examination and get diploma too. But in my age, it is abnormal. In my age, people should lead a busy life. They even have no time to sleep. I know I should change my life status. If I leave my school and try to find another job, obviously I must live a stressful life and it
seems I am normal. To end my aparting status, I must quit job and find a new job
in Shanghai. That's really a very serious question.
You can never imagine how austere China's job market is! Everyday numerous graduates are in unemployment. Our country can't offer so many posts. And if I quit my work, I can't offer a comfortable education environment for my son. As I work
in a school, I have some advantages in applying education resources. For example
I know some teachers in primary school and if my son go to my school for middle
school study, he can choose class preferential and also the tuition can be derated. My parents are near my home and I can go to see them at weekend. This is my
hometown and I also love it although maybe it is backward.
My son can't enjoy father's love maybe is the only disadvantage.
If I go to Shanghai, I must quit this decent work and maybe become housewife. Being a housewife, that's beyond my imagination. I am just in my 30th, how can I only stay at home and run around the pan? Being a housewife means separated from
the society, means losing confidence, that's more worse than just separated from
my husband.
We have no house in Shanghai now, only rent a small house. You don't know how expensive the house is, nearly 10 thousand RMB every square meter. And the average
salary there is only two or three thousand. Most people must pay their whole life salary for a house. The living expense there is also very high. Although Shanghai is the world famous metropolis, it is not fit for living. My husband has been there for two years. He works in a foreign company and work as a so called White Collar. His salary is not low but now he also can't offer a house as his work is not stable. And he has no Shanghai hukou. In China, hukou is a very important thing. It is just like "green card" in America. If you have hukou, you can enjoy many advantages in kid's education, medicine and your job chance.
In China, woman over their 30th lose many job opportunity. Because most of them
have already married, they must take care of their family. So most companies would not like to hire married woman. If a woman want to be hired, sometimes she must hide her marital stutas. Moreover, suppose I can find a job, I have no time to look after my son. In Shanghai it nearly takes an hour for most of people to go to their office. The difference is so giant compare with my work. And my new job will not be stable. As so many graduates can't find a job, you can imagine how oppressive the work is.
If my husband quits his job and come back, it is more awful. As the economy here
is so backward, he has no foreground in his career. If a man without career, I
think it is more awful than a woman be a housewife. As in China, man are regarded as person who provide bread for the whole family. If he loses this right, he will feel no self-esteem. And he will be depressive everyday.
So I am really between two fires.
I just communicate this with my husband. I want to end aparting stutas because my son is so cute. He shouldn't lack father's love. Only now he just show some talents that some parents think he is a prodigy. I chose ladder English for him to
study English when he was only 3 years old. This teaching material is so expensive, nearly my half year's salary. But it is really effective. My son becomes so
openhanded. He likes to make friend and can speak clearly. Most of all, English
just increases his confidence as his classmates don't know English. Although he
often refuses to hand in homework, in his teachers's eyes, he is a student who
have better study ability. On the open class, his behaviour just attracts most of the parents. They admire me so much and just want to learn from me. I am really proud of him.
Yesterday we went to MacDonald again. The waitress still remembered him. She invited him to dance in front of the door. My son just agreed happily. But two years ago he was a very shy, timid boy. Such a prodigy has no father, it is really unfair to him. But it is also not easy for me to make a decision.
My husband misses his son. But he also can't make a decision.
Dear Mary, from this letter, maybe you can know why I can't end aparting status.
Really very grateful for your sincere words.
Best wish
mlljs2002
