Dear Yabby, Haizi, and anyone who is curious.
I married Uncle Ben because he was different from all the rest of them.
Before I met him I had met eight men, one after the other, who were interested in going out with me. There was something quite wrong with each of them. At that time most girls used to "go steady" which meant not going out with more than one boy at a time. I always made it clear that I did not go steady. I insisted that I was free to go out for coffee or a walk or to the show, or to a dance with whoever I wanted, because I was not engaged to anybody.
I was not looking for a husband. But I did not want to get trapped into falling in love with somebody who was not suitable in some way, so I wouldn't go out with them the next time if after the first or some time I had found something in them that I would not want in a husband. That way I reasoned that I could not get trapped. Well, it worked! And to my surprise I found myself an excellent husband.
He did not wear the right kind of clothing. He wore a grey business suit when none of the other young men did. He didn't look very good in grey. It wasn't his colour. He had a mustache and long sideburns that were not stylish at that time, so he really did look kind of funny. He talked with my father in the kitchen about business. He had a heavy German accent. One of my women friends was surprised that I could even understand him, because she couldn't! He didn't look like any of the rest of them. And not like anybody else's boyfriend!
But I discovered that he had a wonderful easy laugh. He was very kind to me. Always thoughtful. My parents both liked him. He was nice to my brothers. He didn't have much money but he knew some of my friends and they liked him. He was the kindest and most gentlemanly man I had ever met. I never stopped going out with him because I never found anything that was a barrier to marriage. His English became much better. He shaved off the sideburns and the mustache and I discovered a handsome man underneath. We went swimming and I was astonished at his excellent body. That's putting it plainly, my girls. He was romantic and with little money managed to leave bouquets of flowers gathered from the woods or the forest on my doorstep early in the morning. And so it went.
I made sure that we talked, and we talked, and we talked. I sounded out all of his ideas about everything I could think of. I even set little traps to make sure he wasn't just telling me what he might think I wanted to hear.
He had become interested in me the year before but thought that I was engaged to somebody, and as a man of noble qualities he did not try to interfere with another man's fiance.
He is a wonderful husband and I love him very much. The qualities I found were really real. I really believe that you all can do the same if you are careful not to fall in love before you have found the right man. Then, my dears, it is easy!
Maybe I'll tell you a little more about it some other time.
Affectionately, Mary
