It's midnight as I turn out the light.
It has been raining outside. The moisture wind blows through my window, cooling down hot air floating in the room. I lie on my stomach in the bed, my eyes closed; yet I still see you. Why do I still feel the way I do? No, no thoughts of you, not for now. It’s a cool night supposed to be for a sound sleep in this summer.
And go on I lying in my bed, my eyes closed, not knowing not caring about anything else. The world now is so dark. Out of the window, the sounds I canhear are the wind hissed trees and the pinging of rain on the window pane... Darkness surrounds me and stretches on, on as far I can see, and I just seemto follow. I imagine that I could hear my heavy breath as I ran in this rainy night. Drowsily, I drift into a half-sleep. I try to listen to my dreams, butthere is nothing I can grasp. The visions change so quickly as I run...
I wake up and the luminous hand of the clock shows just after three. I can hear the sound of droplets falling through the leaves. I sit up in bed, my head still muzzy with the dream, my cheeks salty. Was I crying? I have slepthalf the night with nothing to show for it but a senseless dream. The rain lasting for almost all the night now stops. The night air around still stays wet and keeps me awake. The distant streetlights through the window reflect off on the walls of my room. The luminance is so dim; so tiny that makes me even aware of the darkness.
It's me, the pale being, no one else, still awake and tangling up in the night, like a floater in this vacant darkness; but it's nothing compared to the emptiness within me...
I get up and walk to my balcony. After the rain, everything around sends forth a fresh smell, the remote grassland, the streets and the neon lights...The night is so quiet except for some occasional murmurs from unknown insect,and a sleepy bird somewhere complaining because rest broken... The night is like an untouched lake, not a ripple can be seen. Above me in the now clearnight sky, the silver-pale moonlight, from unreachable somewhere, pours straight down till it hits all over me and makes me even paler. The moon seems to have a good tenor voice. What is it singing? No, how can the moon sing? Someone from the next block has an audio system on.—what is it?
"Lonely is the night"?
Who is playing this song? I stand quietly trying to catch those remote lyrics.I smile to myself in the silent black. Is anyone still awake just like me, like me trying to dance in the moonlight? There is a slight breeze and leaves on trees are snapping suddenly when the wind blow past. It seems as if someone was standing behind me and whispering in my ears," May I have thisdance?" and he disappears the moment, just the moment I turn round...
I spread a broad smile of mock on my face. Yet slowly, something stings my eyes, burn, so burn that a tear drops, the first of many, finally, that manyoverflow in my heart that it is so hard to hold back, even harder to stop them at such a summer dawn. My heart seems to be washed by the rain, or my tears? Right at this moment I know, I know that it is over, all of it, the long night and this rainy season. So my peaceful heart lake is no more.
Now the dawn starts to rise. In the high clear gray sky, delicately colorless, a pink and pearly glow suffused slowly upward from the eastern rim of thesky... In all her glory, those white jasmine flowers I brought home come into bloom in the vase, so alone, yet so alive, so amazingly alive...
