5:45pm
I sit back, stretching arms, and shrugging the shoulders to relax the numb muscles. Closing eyes, leaning on the high-back chair, I suddenly felt tired. It was a long day. There is a mess on the bench still and I am in the middle of work. It is quite in the office, with only air conditioner humming around. All took off already? But, it is not even 6 o'clock yet, I wondered. One thing for sure, I need a break and some recharges before I finish up the left-over work. Grabbing the jacket, I walked out the office.
There were just a few cars rolling on the road as I drove. Where is the traffic? Some voice came through the radio, saying some familiar words. Oh, yeah, it is the night. What was in my mind? What is wrong with my memory? I asked myself, seeing a wry smile in the rear view mirror. Anyway, it is just another regular night and I am thinking where to have the dinner. There is a nice French restaurant couple of miles up north. Or, maybe I will just head into that buffet a hundred yards away, on the right.
Sitting next to the tinted window, I spread butter on a slice of bread and slowly worked on it with the salad. There are some interesting feelings of my body. A part of it is empty, the stomach, asking for steaks. And another part is full, my head, longing for a sound sleep. Outside, it is dark, and cold. The sky is clear, far off, and seems meaning something that I have not learned yet. I turned attention back to the plate, but only have a sip of the black coffee. It is bad coffee. But I can't complain, since it is free.
Looking at my reflection in the window, I see a weary and rugged looking man starring at me. Some people come to mind all of sudden. I can see them coming and going behind me in the window. Some faces look familiar, some vague, some I don't even recognize. Everyone seems happy and smiling around, like in a big party. "If they could see me now..." I wonder. Do I sound a bit blue? In this buffet restaurant? At tonight? Looking around, No one knows me, no one notices me. Who cares? I spend more time on pondering than the food, ironically.
"Have a good night," the waitress says as she takes away my plate. I find myself saying back absent-minded, "you too." Leaving some generous tips under the coffee cup, hoping that could bring a good night at least to somebody, I walked out of the door.
7:40pm
It is chilly outside in the parking lot. Wind makes it feel even worse and hard to breathe. I bury the lower half face under the standing-up collar of the jacket while hurrying to my car. Opening the door, slamming it to shutting the wind out, I slip in that red box. It is cold inside too. It takes me almost 15 seconds to get the key out of the pocket. My hands are half numb. Insert the key, I turn it to start the engine. But, nothing happens.
Nothing happens?! Suddenly, nervous feeling comes all over me. Quickly, I twist the key counter-clock back. Slowly, I turn it forward again. No sound, no shaking, no engine roaming, no nothing. Except, all the lights on the instrument panel now start to flash, like clowns taunting at me. "What the..." this night is just getting better and better.
It is an old Ford, not really a piece of crap though. At least I did not Fix Or Repair it Daily in the past few years. The paint peels off at some lower places. Both front and rear bumpers bear some scratches, which I already forgot when and how I received them. Under the hood, the engine is still a real warrior, thanks for the low mileage. Folding the back seat, I once transported three boxed 72-inch bookshelves without jamming the hatchback door. It is my workhorse, hauler and never gets me embarrassed on highway.
I try so hard not to mention the word "cheap" in front of it. And now, it just won't get started and leaves me in the middle of nowhere. Bad feelings now fill every cave of my mind. It seems that the problem is not my car. It is me. It is just not my night, not at all. Who should I call for help? Well, whoever it is, I need a tow truck. I'd better summon one first.
There is a public phone located inside that restaurant, close to the front desk. I have to ask the lady who answered my call to hold for a minute, for me to check out the street address from a waiter. I hear the voice on the line asking something like make, year, model; saying it will take about one hour before the truck gets here, because it is the night. "Yeah, I understand. Thank you." The truth is that I don't understand, I mean what I am doing or thinking, except the fact that I will have a long hour.
Walking out the restaurant for the second time, I look at watch. It is
8:00pm
I am not exactly sure about feelings now. It is a bit blue, a bit disappointed, a bit upset, and a bit something else worse that I can't even tell. Can life be more enjoyable? Maybe when it was simpler at some time ago. When men rely only horses, I mean the real four-legged ones, and a bottle of Whiskey. I feel like a sip of Whiskey. At least it could start a fire inside me and beat the chill out. But, can I find some Whiskey in the middle of nowhere? Who am I kidding to? Even I could, I doubt if I would. Maybe a bit T.U.I (talking under influence) is fine, but no D.U.I. period.
Now I am strolling in the parking lot, approaching my boxy vehicle. No need to hurry. If hurrying-up helps, life could get a whole lot better. I look around, trying to find something to focus my sight on it. But all I can see without turning the head, is my Ford. There is a bump in the lot next to my car. I decide to sit on it to kill some time. Anyhow, the bucket seat in the car is same cold and, I'd rather have some fresh air.
Putting hands inside the pockets of my jacket, I sit down and for the first time tonight, I look up. "Wow," I heard myself saying it loudly. There is a perfectly round silver plate hanging up at the lower east side of the sky. It is big, bigger than I ever saw. So big that the grayish indistinct "cracks" on it is visible even to bare eyes. It is bright, brighter than I ever experienced. So bright that it penetrates the skin and illuminates every corner of my heart. It is a full moon night.
Freezing in the soft silver light shedding on me, I stare at that cold beauty. Peaceful sensation is now flooding in. Sadness, madness, and other feelings are fading off quickly. As a night person, I get used to walk under the moon almost every clear night. But, there is something different tonight, something special, something I did not figure it out yet. An instant stillness is inside me. For a man on the move all the time, this is no ordinary moment.
Yeah, I might have a bad day. But that is just an excuse, like some others used in daily life. Truly deeply, there is something annoying, something I am not sure about, and something I am a bit afraid of thinking about. It is just like driving on the road. At the beginning, it is clear where I head to and I have the whole journey planned. Then I am caught by the traffic and become panic. Zigzagging in the line of cars, stepping on the gas for a second, slamming on the brake for another second, I lose my cool and eventually, get lost. We all long for a peaceful life. Unfortunately, that only happens in movies and we are living in a real world. Realistically, it is only possible to have a peaceful heart. No matter in ups or downs, it will keep us facing the tough life courageous and holding some faith tightly.
It is a wonderful night. And I am accompanied by an immobilized Ford in this nearly empty parking lot. What a scene, isn't it? But I am calm and feeling much better now. I just realized something valuable that I’ve throwing away since it was covered under the wrapping of something else and I was not even aware of it being there – like free concert tickets hiding in Sunday newspaper that I never read. Looking up the silver moon again, some faces, or I should say some names flashing in mind one more time. They seem still in a nice party, saying nothing to me. But this time, I hope they could see me, see this gorgeous moonlight, and share this quite sliver moment with me. Down to the ground, there are two shadows side by side, my car and me. "Just you and me, buddy. But do not worry," I said, "I will get your fixed. And you will run like a mustang tomorrow. For now, let's enjoy this moonlight for a moment. Shall we?"
Feeling a bit cold and like some music, I stand up and get into the car. Who knows when the tow truck is going to be here? The battery should be still good for making some sound, beeping or music. As a habit, I turn the ignition lock all the way down, though halfway is enough to bring power into the stereo. But, wait! I hear some cranking sound and the car, STARTS! Unbelievable. "What the..." I can't help saying again, but with a surprising smile on face. Turning it off, I try it again and it works. Well, guess I'd better cancel the tow truck. "Are you kidding me or what?" That is what I feel behind the words of that same lady who answered my call again. "Just cancel it, please. Thanks a lot and have a wonderful night," I hanged up the phone.
Now I am rolling again. The roof blocks the moon from my sight. But the hood shines with some metallic silver light, showing the moon is still up there. With the stereo off, I can only hear the engine roaming while lonely riding on this road. The street surface reflects moonlight, making it somewhat brighter than sides. Sitting ahead, there are some traffic lights in distance, some green, some red, some flashing. Like a river flowing without knowing where it ends up, I run on this winding road and have no idea where I am going. There is an interaction approaching now, maybe I will make a turn; maybe I will go straight ahead, if the light is green. But no matter which way I go, I will be riding on a silver road.
0:00am
Finally, I am done with today's loads and glad that nothing will be left for tomorrow. Shutting down the lights, locking up the office, I left the building. Now the moon moves up to the middle of the sky, still that smooth, that quite, that gentle. I pass a glance and a bright smile to it before I get into the car.
Tomorrow, or I should say today, since it is 2 minutes passed midnight already, will be another day, a brand new day with new look, new work, and new hopes. What could be the first song of today? I pushed the radio button and it is playing the last couple of lines of a commercial at my favorite station. About few seconds later, the host starts to say some warm and familiar lines, with a background music starting to come out. Oh, yeah... It is that song, a familiar and beautiful guitar prelude flowing out of the speakers. Is it just a coincidence or meaning anything else? I can't help starting to think about all that I've done, all that I have, and all that I am doing. And for this moment, I am humming with the radio in an easy tone. The music makes the soft moonlight even gentler. Like breeze, the lithe silver ray whispers outside the window, saying something remotely. I can't catch what it is saying, but guess I know what it means. This night, is really getting better and better now. Another song is in the air now:
"I can't stand to flyI'm not that naiveI'm just out to findThe better part of me..."
Backing out, switching the gear, I drove away. Behind me, everything goes back to tranquility again.
