(It's a big auditorium, an uncanny voice from the forecaster from somewhere unknown.)
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Hongen English forum, our warm net-family. In order to celebrate our traditional Chinese custom, Spring Festival, tonight here's a show for welcoming this magnificent moment. Now, let's see who are going to take the wheel of tonight's programme. The answer comes to..."
(After a little halt.)
"Mr Deshane!"
(A thunder of applause from the audiences. All the light turnned off suddenly. Several seconds latter, a circle of photospot brought a young man out in the center stage, his face are wreathed with shining smiles.)
"Hello, boys and girls, happy new year to all! It's my great honor to preside tonight's show. Well, before my words go, I have an announcement. This new-year's show has been arranged under the auspices of a folks, Mr uncle Ben and Auntie mary. They've generously donated a big sum of money covering all the cost of tonight. That's to say, all the tickets here are free. And that makes possible that any a new friend can join our show at any time without even a penny. Now, I propose a vote of thanks to them on behalf of all the people here..."(applause again.)
"Okey, just calm down! Let's begin our first part, " Lucky Lottery "! After the random slection of the computer, one of the audiences here can find the bean in the cake, who will prize a big check of 100,000 dollars. Remember, just unique one. Now, let's focus our eyes to the big screen so as to learn who is the most luckiest of tonight. Let's wait and see what transpires..." ( unceasing whistle from the spectators. At the mean time, somewhere under the television screen, Mary's grumbled voice with an uncontrollable panic: " By God! 100,000 dollars?! Nasty Deshane, are you trying to make us bankrupt? I will never forgive the wrongdoing you made..."*^_^*)
(After the frequent sparkle, a numeral finally stopped on the big screen which was showm on the background of the stage.) "Well, dear friends, the big award for tonight's most luckiest went to Row 5 Seat 15. Please ckeck it out at once and let's unveil its mysterious mask..."
(At the seat of row 5 seat 15, a well-dressed girl was dumbfounded there, covered by a slight bunch of houselights.)
"Yeah, that's you, it's you. Dear Ma'am, please leave your seat and come up to me..."(said Deshane.)
...
"Congratulations! You're the lucky devil of tonight, please tell us what's your name and say a few words to all the people here. Such as what's the feeling of this bingo. You have 50 seconds."( Deshane let the microphone close to that girl's mouth.)
(That Girl)" My name is Sally. God save me! I can't believe my eyes. Thank you! I...I...I..."(a strong shiver in her tongue.)
"Cool down, just relax. Are you not that used to speaking through microphone? Well, let me turn it off..."
(covert conversation between Deshane and Sally. D and S for short.)
D: Dear Sally, good to see you again. Everything is ok with your hubby and your son? S: Nothing worried. They're so good. Thanks for your concerns to them. D: You look so wonderful, especially when you're happened to earn a big check.S: That's a big shock. I've never excepted this happening to me...
(Deshane turnned the microphone on, and say to all the audiences.)" Hi, friends, this girl was too shy to express her thought in public. She just simply want me to tell you all, she is still unattached, still available. And her email-box address is ABC@DEFG.COM. And she dislike to leave her life solo..."
(A groan from Sally and only Deshane could hear.)" Deshane, you're blown. You know I'm a mother. Are you going to kill me..."
(covert conversation between Deshane and Sally.)
D: Have you read this essay? "Am I a too envious wife? " It's been postted on our forum a few days ago. S: Yes. I've read it. But how did it bear on this case?D: I just leave your hubby a chance to write another essay, " Am I a too envious hubby? " I bet you will receive avalanche of love letters since tognight.S: You may ruin my email-box. D: Just change it, or change your hubby resorting this good opportunity.S: You've cast a blight on my family. You really drives me round the bend. I will never forgive your willful misbehavior.D: Don't fuss. I know you can take all this in your stride." *^_^*S: I'm going to fall into a coma...D: If that happens, I'd very much like to offer you an emergent therapy of mouth-to-mouth method, if your hubby don't care for this...*^_^*S: You...( Sally's knees was flexed gradually to the ground and closed her eyes.)
(Deshane said to the audiences.)" Well, this girl was too overjoyed of geting this big check. And I can understand her simple blackout for this. She deserves a rest at her seat. Just take it easy and let's continue our next games."
"Nowadays in our Chinese, an undercurrent has been spreading all around this ancient country. Up there, more and more people are initiating to learn foreign language, especially English. I don't know why. Then the second programme tonight, is to make a general investigation here through our spot audiences. For the sack of receiving more feedback from the different age gradation. Three audiences will be invited to participate our show. One is a child, another is an undergraduate, the rest is an old man. I hope you could finally draw some conclusion from the conversations between they and I. Thank you! "
(The conversations between Deshane and this three people. C, U and OM for short.<child, undergraduate, old man>)
D: Hi, tongiht's show are graced with your presence here. Thank you. I have a question. Could you tell me why do you learn English so seriously? C: I don't know.D: You don't know? That suprises me a lot. You say you don't know the reason of learning English?C: I just do it according to my parents' will. In our chinese, the children are often under the well grasp of their parents. I mean including everything. I'm not myself at all. I have no right to shape my future life by myself. Except for English, I still have a lot of extra-curriculums to be finished, such as piano and dancing, everyday I'm overwhelmed with countless homework...D: Your answer galvanized my great sympathy to you, but sorry I can help. I personally think these kind of parents' starry-eyed thought are to blame. Maybe their grandiose plans will never work, do you think so? C: Don't say that. Actually I can feel my parent's goodwill. I thank them with the good upbringing on me. They just don't know that not all the children could have good aptitude to be a linguist, a pianist or a dancer. D: Thank you for your understandable comment. Another question, do you often haunt in Hongen English forum? what do you think about this place? C: I'm not that much visiting this website, for my mom has once said, Hongen is an useless place. She allow me not to come here.D: Aha, good shot!( with a wry smile) Last question. what's your name? C: Just call me B.L.. (a gust of guffaw from the audiences.*^_^*)D: Is it the abbreviation of BLUE? C: Yeah!D: Thank you for your good performance tonight. Please be back to your seat.
D: Hi, boy, you look so handsome. But could you tell me why do you learn English so much hard? U: This's a developing tide of the entire world. The society are improving; the human being are improving; the earth are improving. The communications between the world-wide people are taking the more essential importance in our daily lives. The next generations must learn more skills to be seasoned with the future change of this world. That includes language and anything else. The whole earth are now very like a small village. The members of which have to contact with each other more and more, especially the young, they ought to be close with each other a bit by a bit...D: (turn the microphone off.) Hey, guy, what you said sounds plausible! I admire your voluble speech. But, it seems to me that under the surface of your address, there's still something else that you are alludeing to. Come on, tell me directly, don't try to shy off it. I've turnned the microphone off.
(covert conversation between Deshane and the undergraduate.)
U: (openned his mouth with a startle) Wow, you're so shrewd. Do you have the thought-reading? Okey, let I tell you why I learn my English so industriously. You know our Chinese children often have great filial loves to our parents. My mother would like a foreign girl to be her daughter-in-lay, then I will keep my virginity until some day I meet my blonde angel...D: blonde belle?? Yes, I also like them very very much, I don't care for their air-head. As a mature man, I highly appreciate their perfect vital-statistics---Oh, holy sh_t, your answer awoke my strong remorse of this...U: What for? D: I've lost my cherry just last night...U: I have the interest to learn more.D: Last night, I almost got blind drunk in a bar. I lost my way to back home. And an voluptuous-looking girl, not a blonde angel, came to help me. And then buttressing by her hand, I finally returned my dwelling, oh not, perhaps that' not my dwelling...(For the sack of the prosecution of spreading porno joke in public, more than 150 words here have been abridged by the host of this forum, Mr.David. Anyone who want to check out the uncut version of this essay, please send him an email for request.*^_^*)
(Back to the game)D:(turn the microphone on.) Thanks for your answer. We are privileged tonight to have your good talks here. Thanks again. Now let's invite our last guest and see what he will say.
D: Dear sir, please tell me how old are you? OL: Just reach the birthday of my eighty. D: Oh, you look still so great in this ages. That's quite good! I've heard that you had learned your English for lasting half of a year. Could you tell us why you learn English in this ages? And say a few words in English to all our audiences here? OL: O--o--o--o--key...( hesitate a bit.)D: Calm dawn, don't be so nervous. I know for sure that you can do it easily.OL: (developing a gentle smile in his face, that looked so peaceful and noble though a lot of unsightly wrinkle are rooted in his face. And finally utterred a few words out of the mouth with strong Chinese accent, half-Chinese-half-English. )
----O-L-Y-M-P-I-C--Games, Peking 2008 ! *^_^*
(A hurricane of an ovation is permeating every a corner of this big auditorium in no time! )
(Deshane raised the microphone up to his mouth and said. )" If you' ve just tuned on the television, this is Dr.Deshane and his Spring Festival Show. Let' s get into our rest programmes right after these advertisement. Don' t go away and be frozen in your seat. And we' ll be right back, after this break. Thank you very much and see you latter!
Appendix: a questionnaire.
Question : which is the best answer to portray the rough scenario of Deshane's Humor Show for Spring Festival? There're six answers to be choose. Please put it to the vote.
A). Just so so, nothing fresh.B). He is a bundle of laughter.C). The eight Wonder Of The World.D). He is always trying to make waves on this forum, call him get out. E). It grieves me that he've just lost his cherry. *^_^*F). The vagaries of love to a blonde angel is the same dream of all the English fans. That will do good help to my English study.*^_^*
