Dear Julia,
I see you were feeling unhappy and rather hopeless when you wrote. I hope things will improve for you soon. I would like to share with you exactly how it often is for many of us here, too. Life is very demandiing.
We parents didn't have a choice whether to be born or not, either, so our children are just in the same boat as we were. However, there is more to it than what you wrote, in my opinion. When we have a child we have started a new life on an eternal journey. Of course, you may not believe that, and I won't try to convince you, but according to my thinking it is a journey toward more and more growth, development, maturity, service, excitement and wonders. What is called death is a door to a new and greater life. Therefore I should be grateful to my parents for starting my life going, and my children, and all children, should be grateful to their parents for their life start. It may be difficult here, but there is justice in the universe, and everything doesn't end with this world.
You said "When a children is growing , he is experiencing the happiness, and at the same time , he is suffering from both mental and physical body."
Most children who are not ill or handicapped, and are properly fed and taken care of and loved don't suffer in childhood. It starts in the teens as they find their own ways and try to separate from their parents.
You wrote: "when children is at school,he's exerted presure on his study by his parents,teachers and classmates. If he is a good student( good at study),that's good. But if he's not good, or even hate to study at school. Life in school for him is misery, terrible. He can turn to whom for help? The above just from one side---his study."
Part of this is because of pressures in a one child family in China. Part is because here, and I suppose there, too, children are all taught in much the same way, whereas teaching methods should change, depending on the type of mind being taught. If people have enough money they can have good tutors help their child and get them through the tough parts. The problem is that many people don't have enough money to afford this. I see this as a problem with the distribution of wealth. It can be changed by a fairly graduated taxation and inheritance laws, among other things. Anyway, that's what I think. Often it doesn't take a lot of tutoring to get a person over a hump in understanding so that he or she can goon and do well in the subject. I have seen it happen.
Good study habits and ways should also be taught early. Students shouldn't be pushed to study all the time. They need balanced lives. You said: "After your children graduated from university,they have to look for a job everywhere."
I think you believe that I haven't experienced this and don't understand this orthe pain involved in being turned down, often without any acknowledgement of your resume. You begin to feel worthless. I have lived through this myself, and I have also had my children in the same position. We have never had "high salaries", none of us. In fact we have often struggled with low commission income, where if you didn't sell, you got nothing at all. Salary? How nice to actually have a steady income of some kind. Once Ben and I were both on commission. Oneterrible year we earned $7,000 together. We have always been proud, and we didnot ask for help from the government or anyone else. We kept our heads up and tried so hard. That was the year one of our daughters got married and the mother-in-law-to-be was pushing to bring all of her friends from a large choir in which she sang, to the huge sit-down dinner wedding party, which we had to pay for because we were the bride's parents.
"Yes, if he is lucky to get a decent job with high salary,that's wonderful for him and parents. But if he is unfortunately not find a job ,just staying at home with you? can you imagine his feelings ,your feelings. When he look at others surrounding him hurry to work and get salary , the pain in his heart is suckng him. You may protest that this situation rarely happen. but pls see the sharp competition in the society."
Dear Julia, I know this happens. Once we took in a whole family of our children, two children, wife and husband, for six months. It happens here all the time. We also have hard competition for jobs here, and there are many other problems. My daughter and son one with an M.A. the other with an M.B.A, both my sons-in-law, my husband, myself, we have all lived through this. Most survived it. Some are still in it. I know that one of my sons-in-law hates his job. He has also had heart problems. It is not good for him to hate his job. I'm sorry girl, that's life. It is life here, too.
Next door there is a family with a son who is a highly educated, very competent and inspired classical, jazz etc., musician. He can also sing wonderfully and has experience on the stage in lead singing roles and is in a string quartet. He cannot make enough money to get married. He lives at home with his parents. His adopted sister has a husband who used to be the manager of a large chain of stores here. He lost his job due to management arranging things to save money. They have no income at all except for the nominal amount from the government to help raise each child. As he was a manager and those don't get unemployment insurance they have no regular income. He has tried and tried but things are being downsized and there is much competition for jobs. They have three children and a house with a mortgage on it which has to be paid, otherwise it will be taken and sold by the mortgage holder after awhile. He gets little labouring helper jobs here and there. What are they going to do? Don't imagine that we live with our heads in the clouds, in a land of milk and honey.
You said: "Yes , if he does find a job, but the salary is so low and he does't like it."
Yes, I have already replied to that. Life is not like the movies. Things are often very difficult. You may not believe in "God". I don't know. I don't want to tell you that you should. It is not my place. I believe there is a great power that cares about us and has a plan for us. We need to trust that power and live in contentment with what we get when we have tried. We trim our expenses, cooperate, and be kind and helpful to parents or others who help us. We look for opportunities, but we don't get attached to money and salaries. Money is not as important as many other things in life. Small money can not keep us from a happy life if we learn how to live with it and what are really the important things in life. Maybe we have to make our own job, as Uncle Ben has done. He had the trouble you are talking about most of our lives together. You think I don't know?!
Things are not really so different anywhere, unless you live in a country such as India, on the streets. That kind of thing I can't relate to and abhor. Or you live under war or the constant threat of war. I can't relate to that, either. But eveything you have said I have experienced myself for years, and have seen my family and my children and those around me experience. I still say that one must be grateful to have been set forth into life, which is an everlasting enterprise and much more interesting and wonderful that we can even imagine.
We should also hope and pray and help toward a better and more equitable and mature world so that things won't always have to be this way. It isn't right, you know!
That's what I think, anyway.
Best wishes to you Julia, for some good luck soon,
Mary
