Dear friends,
Do you remember Deshane, one of the members whe has been absent from here a long time? He had sent me an article written on his own. Because something in it is so familiar to me, I had done it into English but forgotten to post it! Today, as I looked for something in My Document, I found it out. I hope you will like it.
Jenny
*****************************
I hear of a story of two elder men with poor bodily conditions in a small hospital. One's bed was next to the window and the other at the corner, far from the window. The man, who was a lot more sicker than the other, would force himself to sit on the bed for a few hours, telling what he had seen from the window to the man who could only stay in bed at the corner due to his severe illness, looking rather pessimistic. He was told how splendid the outside world was. Birds whispered among the blossoms. People of all kinds wondered on the bustling street, newly married women strolling along with grace, energetic young girls running, elder people who took Tai Chi for exercising revealing elegance. All those beautiful sceneries were told so vividly and optimistically that he became intoxicated and no longer that gloomy, until one day that man, the storyteller, passed away. Finally, the nurse granted his request that he moved to the bed at that magical window. With great excitement only could he see nothing but a mere wall standing there alone! He turned to the nurse and asked her in perplexity. "That man was blind" was the answer he got. He shed tears with great gratitude as he ultimately realized something.
Every morning after putting myself on the wheelchair with much difficulty, I would wheel to the window and look at the north sky turning bright. Then I would think of that story called "A Lonely Wall" once again. Unlike that elderly man, I could see every thing from the outside world. Wickers swung in the gentle wind, dancing; warblers soared into the sky, singing. Yet still I had had a lonely wall in my heart since that dreadful day.
A car accident that happened two years ago got me lost my job, my boyfriend, and my legs from the lap down. It even deprived my rights of owning all the dreams I once had!
I had given up everything I could since the minute I realized my body was doomed to be associated with the term "handicapped", which was so far away from me that I never dreamed of before! I had kept silent for a whole month. I even experienced the hunger strike and committing suicide. As despairing as I ever was, the love and care from my family finally helped me continue my hopeless and pale life. But a "wall" was built in my heart since then. Throughout the year I just sat transfixed in my room, resisting every thing from the outside world. Time and again the "wall" kept me accepting the invitations to go out my friends and family members offered. I knew they would have a hard time taking me down from the eighth floor of my department building. I also knew that by doing so I would not show any gratitude to them.
My parents were more than worried. One day, I unexpectedly received a costly computer and an access to World Wide Web as well. As I indulged in this extremely fascinating virtual world, I began toppling down the "wall" just in the way of the German people persistently overthrowing the "Berlin Wall" did, which had kept every thing from the outside. As quiet and silent as this manmade world is, the Internet boasts all the things in our daily lives. Respect, care, love, and kindness warmed my heart, helping me forget the real situation I was in. I had found a way to melt the ice in heart so naturally that I could not feel it.
Every thing is fair on the Internet, no difference between class, status, looks, and so forth. When you are required information like gender, work, home address, you can fill out the form with whatever you like. No obligation is there for you to take and nobody further questions you about the truth of the information. Most importantly, there are no lay people staring at me pityingly as I experienced in reality. I knew such people didn't intend to mean ill, but they made me sick. Days passed as I hung out in Virtual Reality and communicated with net friends with my soul. Gradually, I have regained my confidence and some dignity.
I named myself "Cloud Wisp" on the Net. People who did not know me well often thought the name was chosen from a poem "Saying Good-bye to Cambridge Again," written by Xu Zhimo.
"Very quietly I take my leave As quietly as I came here; Gently I flick my sleeves Not even a wisp of cloud will I bring away"
They said my name was nice to represent the trait of netizens, gracefully liberal, showing beauty with great impact. Usually I didn't explain to them. I knew I wouldn't be able to move with my legs to anywhere, except wandering in this endlessly vast Internet and "sitting in the well to see the sky." That idiom suddenly came to my mind. I felt I was like the frog in the well and the Internet a window for me to see wonders outside the world.
A neighborhood of a website suspended this Cloud Wisp for quite a long time. I began to post some articles. In this neighborhood I played a role of a young woman in her early 20s. She was enthusiastic about life, carefree, and with sunny nature. How I wish I could have the power to make the flowery age stay with me forever, though at the time I felt those days I spent so boring and ordinary, like a glass of plain water! Now looking back those years, I felt they were so far away that I could not reach them. Many times had I slept in dreams that triggered my tears down.
Thanks to my good writing skills, I had been paid attention and become more and more famous in the forum. Eventually, net friends recommended me as a master of a column called "Romantic Sentiment." I had never imagined that I could get a job with salary over the Internet as a "Mottled Bamboo (A funny Chinese nickname for Masters)", manager and organizer of this forum.
A large amount of my salary every month was paid for the charge of Internet and telephone. I wept my happy years, not because of the hundreds of money I earned, but because I was no longer a burden and useless person in my family. Perhaps it was a beginning for me to look for other jobs on the Net to make ends meet. It occurred to me that I had already seen tiny candlelight in my road ahead that was teemed with uncertainty. The candlelight, which was lit by myself, was not so bright, yet it was worth being carefully treasured!
When I received my pay for the first time, I gave it all to my dear mother in a very serious manner. I dared not see her eyes, but I knew her tears were streaming down her cheek. I knew those were happy tears cried out not for the money but rather for a little confidence her daughter found on the Net, which was needed in her future life. She had given too much for her daughter. Her love was as deep as the ocean, as heavy as the Mount Tai. I would never, ever be able to repay her!
