Hi Maple,
First of all I must say I really like your name. In English it symbolizes Canada, a country that gives me the strongest sense of belonging and a place I call home. In Chinese, the name FENG sounds really poetic and feminine…;-)
Choosing which person to marry is the one most important decision a person makes in his/her life. Personally I couldn’t think of a worse reason to get married just to obtain a green card. This act turns a marriage into a business transaction. The risk is so high for both parties that it’s very likely they’re heading for disaster down the road. As to your friend’s husband, may be he was merely attracted to your friend’s physical appearance when deciding to marry her. As an oriental person I really hate to talk about sex in the public, I’ll make it an exception this time. To me sex is an integral part of a happy married life but in no circumstances it should be thought of as the core of a marriage. Physical pleasure is not something you obtain forcefully. It should derive only from mutual willingness. If it’s not of something voluntarily offered, then may be it’s not meant to be at all. In this material world, physical pleasure can be readily and ubiquitously available, for a very cheap price. Seeking this kind of pleasure without love is beyond my comprehension, and beyond any moral standards.
There can never be no friction in any marriage. Both parties have to try their best to reconcile the differences and let life goes on in harmony. If a husband is working full time to provide for a family, than may be it’s the wife’s duty to cook and do chores around the house. I don’t think there is a master vs. slave relationship in this situation. Emotional bond can be established once you spent enough time with a person. And sometimes having a child can much further enhance the family tie between husband and wife. But you have to be very sure about raising a child together as many wrinkles will have to be ironed out in your relationship before hand. I have seen too many people hastily entered a marriage and immediately bear a child, only to find out later that their marriage can not last, and let the poor child bear the pain for the rest of his life as the parents spitted up forever.
It’s not fair at all for a child to grow up in a single parent family. There will always be something missing in life for that child that can never be compensated. So for your friend, she will have to sit down and have a good talk with her other half and come up with a solution to their relationship. May be she can seek some professional marriage counseling? Human relation is such a profound topic and I have always been puzzled by it. As for you, my friend, make one hundred and twenty percent certain that the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with is suitable to you in every aspect. The worst scenario is to marry someone for the sake of escaping from loneliness or obtaining a green card, and then after all is said and done, find yourself mired in a terrible mess, and have to resort to divorce to get out of this mess. A nasty divorce can certainly wreak havoc in a person’s life. I personally feel that it’s better to be single and lonely all your life than to dance on thin ice, then fall into hot water, and head down for a messy divorce, and carry a never healing wound for the rest of your life.
I got my driver’s license back in 1981. My dad taught me how to drive and I never enrolled in driving school, but I passed the test the first time. Quite a lucky devil, eh? I didn’t find the driving test very tensed. It was definitely nothing compared to the various professional national uniform exams I had to grapple with one and a half decade later in my life. Those are truly the nerve-wrecking, hair-raising experience in my life. But that’s another story.
Getting a driver’s license, getting through the citizenship exam, are two milestones in an immigrant’s life. Once you get through these and establish a stable life in the new land, you will be able to pursue other American dreams of yours. Life is a continuum laden with various obstacles and opportunities. Brace yourself, courageously go through it, as we all must, and you will be well qualified to claim final victory.
I wish your all the luck in your job interview and academic exam.
Live long and prosper.Neil
