Dear Panpanpan, Charles, Azure, Coco, Dove, Lillian,
Your dear welcomes made my heart happy. :-)))
Yes, it was a fine trip. Of course it had its problems. One was that two of my daughters live near each other,and both wanted as much of us as possible. It is hard to be the beloved ones in the middle, with everybody wanting to be with you themselves, just to enjoy your presence. They wanted us to themselves and their children. One became very upset about the other having more time with us during "her time." Of course nothing is ever just this simple and there is more to this than I can describe here. This eventually opened up quite a discussion. One went away crying. The other was adamant, but disturbed and unhappy.
I am glad to tell you that the quality of these two women, my dear daughters, held up, and they have come to better understand each other through this. The one who was adamant apologized, and the one who cried so sadly on her father's shoulder outside in the dark, had done a lot of thinking and praying and came to some wise conclusions, so she was able to accept her sister's apology when it came, in the spirit it was given. This is what I mean about having a good family. This is the behaviour of noble beings. It is a great bounty to parents to be given the opportunity of raising up and training a shining soul which is their new baby. Babies are born pure, and only afterward do they gather dross into their natures, but love, wise guidance and training is vital to help them on their way in this never-ending life we enter when we are conceived.
Ben and I were blessed to have relatively stable parents and families, and our parents really tried to be wise, and to set good examples for their children. That gave us the foundations and examples we needed. So we have tried in the same way, and the results are very moving to me. They are a beautiful bouquet of people, our four children. It isn't that Ben and I are so wonderful. Without the foundation from our parents (which probably goes back for generations,) it would have been much harder. However, with thought and care it can be done, even if a person came from a damaged family.
Of course, each child needs to make their choices, too. It can happen that a person can have good parenting, and yet make various kinds of poor choices themselves, and make a mess of their lives. If they make one big mistake it could cause them difficulty and grief for years, but really not do true damage to their inner beings or their true possibilities in life. But if they continually make a series of mistakes over years it usually ends up being a trend. Such a trend can be an upward trend, or a downward trend. That's why it's better not to start a poor trend in the first place, because the next step and the next can always get you in a little deeper and deeper yet, and is making you into what you are, and your life into what it is. So those children need to understand the importance of looking ahead of their choices, too. If they can. There are different kinds of personalities. A person has to work with their own. Parents need to work with those of each of their children. Also parents need to remember that their children are people who have the right to develop as individuals, and not be pressed into a mould that doesn't fit them. Parenting is very interesting, and demanding. It is also the most rewarding thing you could possibly experience when it turns out well.
You know, when there is sincerity and truthfulness and love you can make some mistakes with your children, (who can be perfect?) and things will still usually turn out well because again, it is the general trend that really counts. We humans are flexible and intriguing creatures. We are animals in our bodies, but not in our minds. We have a lot of free will that the animal kingdom doesn't have. That means that we aren't ruled mostly by instinct. Although we do have instincts that are very powerful. Isn't it a good thing that we do? If not, men might not feel the instinct to protect and care for their mate and young, and women might not care about nurturing their young for so many years when it is really quite a sacraficial activity. Our societies are in stress right now, and there is a lot of pressure on families. There are many enticing negative influences which don't nurture family and society and civilization, so some of this is being made harder by negative examples around us, selfishness, greed and ignorance, and lack of support from the organization of societies. Now is a time when we especially need to think for ourselves, find our best priorities, find good and proven ways that work and hope for quality mentors.
Of course, some people are messed up, and that makes it harder for them. But if you find out what you think is absolutely important, and then pay attention to it, and about what the future could bring from your actions today, -- then usually with a lot of love and sacrifice on your part, things will turn out alright. And probably much better than you ever knew to hope.
Anybody who thinks a happy marriage, and good and noble children happen by chance or luck is deluding themselves. No, it takes a lot from us all, but it is so very worth it in the long run. You will find that your marriage eventually gets better and better, and more kind and loving, and that your children show new and shining facets of themselves. They continue to open like flowers over time, even as they get a lot older than most of you are. I'm here to tell you that this is true, because my children are mature adults with children of their own.
It really is worth it to build your life, and your marriage and family step by little step, over all the years. In the end you will have something beautiful.
Affectionately, Mary
