Dear Yueshenghai,
I would like to respond to your reprinted article about men and women. I found it a very unpleasantly biased essay.
Essay: "'What does a woman want?', Sigmund Freud, the German psychologist, once conceded, is a great question he was unable to answer, Similar questions may have confused most of us, and seem unlikely to be decoded or simplified by progress in technology. Great differences between men and women have been discussed, suspected and studied by scientists and sociologists for thousands of years, but few of them have been answered well. To understand the opposite sex is really a hard work for us."
Mary: Dr. Sigmund Freud was a rather mixed up man when it came to his personal life. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised that he began studying the human mind in order to understand himself a little better. He seems to have been quite confused when it came to his own sexual life. You should read a good biography of the great doctor. Although he was the founder and we give him due credit for it his work has long been surpassed by others. I think little attention need be paid to the statement that he confessed he had no idea what women want. Maybe that's why he had his sexual troubles. Many men, untrained as psychiatrists, are very successful at understanding what women want, and are much appreciated by women for their common sense and empathy.
As for those who have studied "for thousands of years", they of course, were men. How could they possibly come up with fair and true conclusions when their women, and all women, were held down and in subjection all over world, until well up into the 20th century? You should read Thorsten Veblen's "The Theory of the Liesure Class" for it's opening chapters on this subject.
Essay: "Men and women are biologically different from each other in many ways. Men are big, strong and aggressive, while women are physically inferior, and mentally intimate."
Mary: Yes, of course. Men and women are biologically different when it comes to their ability to fertilize, and to bear children. However there are plenty of "big, strong, aggressive women" and of small, gentle and creative men in every society. It is incorrect to think that this is unnatural. Such incorrect thinking -- that such men must surely be homosexuals and such women lesbians are partly why lesbianism and homosexuality grows. These ways of living give such people acceptance when the brain-washing of the general society doesn't. Acceptance is one of the great motivators of every human being. Small, gentle men can father children, and large, agressive women can bear them. Biology is not determined by these qualities, and it is possible to push people into lesbianism and homosexuality by making them feel it must be their path.
I would also like to point out that there are societies in which men tend to be short and skinny and women tend to be taller and more strongly built. There have also, in ancient times, been very successful matriarchal societies. That was before the rise of the patriarchal system which systematically sidelined, physically weakened, and in some places denslaved women. The mistreatment of women under patriarchy has pressed both men and women into the misshapen beings they have become, as outlined in your essay. The men too aggressive and "superior" and the women too restricted and with their outer world ambitions destroyed.
Essay: "someone argues, it is an error to label the female the weaker sex by the former biological differences, for, actually, women on the average live seven years longer than men do, according to some surveys in western countries. That's mainlydd because women usually lead a healthier lifestyle, and they show more endurance and adaptability under stress."
Mary: At present the above is still true. However, reasons for this may also be involved with the fact that women don't feel that they are weak for asking for help. They have been schooled for millenia to believe they need help, after all! Men, on the other hand, are still usually trained from childhood not to cry, not to show weakness, and particularly not to show weakness in front of another man. How much of the difference in longevity is due to innate differences? And how much is to this old-fashioned training of males which suppresses stress-relieving mechanisms, and keeps them in denial of their needs?
Essay: "Men and women are equally smart according to all forms of I.Q. test, but significantly different form each other if you examine on how they think and act. Men always state what they want directly, and they have to guess the meanings of women's words."
Mary: People who have been put into the weaker position have always had to feel their way by indirection and by not angering the dominant ones. Women could not afford to be confident and speak out directly, except within their own small spheres of influence, and there they did, as well as any man in his larger sphere.
Essay: "It is a great task for men to comprehend such questions properly as "Are you tired?" or "Am I too fat?" This may due to their different purpose of taking a conversation."
Mary: "Am I too fat?" Obviously she is asking if he still finds her attractive or does she need to fear that he plans to move on to a slimmer and younger women and discard her. It is the indirect question of the captive harem-dweller. Aleftover from those days.
Essay: "Men consider a conversation as a tool. If it helps to solve a problem, it's worthwhile. If it doesn抰, men prefer to keep silent."
Mary: "Aha! -- the strong and silent man cliche!
Women these days views conversations as a way of sharing their emotions. They talk about what they want to tell until they feel better. For women, communication itself is the purpose.
Mary: Maybe being able to share in this way is a factor in their greater longevity! Anyway, here we are in your essay, back to nurture again. For millenia women have been kept at home with other women, and with children. They have even been crippled by the clothes they were made to wear to meet men's standards of so-called "beauty". In the west it was by girdles binding the body extremely tightly so that they used to faint and "have the vapours". In your country it was by binding the feet, so that they would have useless little "lotus feet" and prove how powerful their men were to be able to support and enjoy so many women who had been made unable to work. See Thorsten Veblen's book "The Theory of the Liesure Class" for this. Now, in our time, one of the things that women are encouraged from all directions to use, and which damage and deforms them physically are those high stilleto heels on shoes.
Now, you may ask, why do women submit themselves to such bodily deformity and damage? It is because of their thousands of years of enforced need for men to love them, and take care of them and of the children they bear. Nurture, from the millenia is still acting upon us and being used upon us today. Men are being taught to look for big breasts, and a curvaceous body, which in essense is something of a guarantee of a good child-bearer, you know. In fact, in the 1920's for awhile men were artificially taught to look for boyish-bodied, flat chested women by the media. -- And it worked! Women are still being constantly trained by media and other sources such as romantic books and movies, to look for physically strong and capable men. The "Mr. Rochester" type. What is the major reason that this training is still going on? It is because it is such a great moneymaker and motivator that it is still being pushed upon both men and women;, to cause them to buy. Sex has even been used in the past century to sell every kind of utilitarian product imaginable.
When it comes to why some women like to chat and so on, it has a lot to do with those millenia of being kept apart in harems or mostly among women and children, left uneducated, while the powerful men were away hunting meat, trading, and seeing more of the world. Men because of this, developed a stronger directional and spacial ability and more outer knowledge. Men also had to keep silent for long periods as they scouted and hunted.
Essay: "Topics men care for often appear uninteresting or too serious for women. They talk about football, finance news or refugees in Middle East, while women are much more interested in movie stars, cosmetics, fashions or a newly opened shopping centre. Besides, men usually stay away form personal problems, but women don't. Women like to tell emotional stories, which are the topics men try to avoid. So finding common interests is essential to a successful conversation between men and women."
Mary: In the first place, many women never share stories of their intimate lives with each other. They value their privacy. And how many men like to brag about their sexual exploits when they are together. However, I believe it is again the media through movies, stories and articles that continually show us how women love to share the most intimate facts of their lives with their girlfriends. You men should take comfort in the fact that most of us don't tell our girlfriends all about our intimate times with you.
As for the supposed lightness of women's conversational interests, most of us are still suffering under the inequality of education, and the suffocating training through the millenia. So far as I am concerned, sports are of no interest to me. The only0 sports that interest me are the ones I take part in myself and the same is true of my tall, strong husband. To us both, talking about sports is mens' equivalent to womens' light weight talk.
Ben's and my friends, women and men alike are interested in world affairs and developments. Men and women must have equality of opportunities, rights and privileges for some generations, and then you will finally be able to see what is intrinsically very little difference beteween them. So long as women are not allowed the same equality of opportunities, rights and privileges, and men are pressedinto "manly" behaviour, the distortions of nature will continue. It is no different from what happens for people who have opportunities, good food and quality education available, and those who are isolated, in poverty, and have no examples of other ways before them. It has more to do with lack of opportunity and access to books and education, than to any truely innate difference between women and men.
Essay: "Differences are also significant if we analyze the behavior between the two sexes. Men are independent seekers, they take 搒elf-reliant?seriously. They always try to solve problems by themselves, and often refuse helps when they are really in trouble, for accepting helps means they are not independent enough as a man. Women show a much more cooperative spirit. They call for help whenever they want, sometimes ever when not necessary at all. Men are usually the leader in a group. They make decisions and are unlikely give up though there is little chance to success. While women often show glorious wisdom to simplify a complicated issue by their innate intuition while men are struggling to solve it."
Pooh! What cliches. Women repair things at home with what is available. We doexactly the same kinds of work in miniature that men do on a larger scale. Forinstance, cutting and sewing is little different from carpentry.
Many women are innovators. For instance, it has recently been established that Einstein got many of his ideas from his wife, also a scientist. He didn't give her any credit, though. It also recently came to light that it was a woman scientist who really discovered the double helix of DNA, although the two men who took the credit after she died and tried to undercut her while she was alive, gaveher no credit either. Now she has it at last and fortunately the facts have been proven. There is, of course, the old case of Eli Whitney, supposed inventor of the cotton gin. In fact, it was his landlady who gave him the idea, althoughshe never got any credit until recently. These ideas didn't come to these women through some sort of mysterious "intuition". They came through thinking abouta problem and how it could be understood, or solved. Only now in our more enlightened century, are the history of women's contributions to world progress being written at last. It is much too early in our changing world culture for you to assume that all these things you cite as firm fact actually are so. I am really becoming irritated by the constant put-down of women and the constant aggrandizement of men. I certainly hope you readers, both males and females, can see the prejudices against women in this essay. It is nineteenth century thinking. NOT twenty-first century thinking. The writer constantly confuses nature with nurture, and opportunity and supposition with facts.
Essay: "In most countries, men still play a relatively more important role in government, corpordations, universities and other "important" departments. Men occupy most "good" professions and have higher incomes."
Mary: Now isn't that the truth! And why do you think that is? Consider what we have discovered in Canada: that women do not wish to take part in the kind of political infighting, self-aggrandisment and exploitation that goes on in politics. They want to see more selflessness and service, and to cooperate to really accomplish good things for the country. Of course, the long time inequality of opportunities, rights and privileges has given men, (not particularly "brilliant" men, either,) the openings and the mentoring to achieve these positions.
Essay: "Some brilliant women have also shown their excellent capability to run multinational corporations or international organizations. In Iceland, Norway, or some South Asia countries women presidents or premiers are leading their countries successfully."
Mary: Yes, these women have had the opportunity for education and the culture supports them in their endeavours. It isn't that they are "brilliant", there are plenty of "brilliant" women who have never had any chance at all in the larger world. And there are also plenty of men who didn't have the education, family standing or opportunities commensurate with their "brilliance", either.
Essay: "Women are different from men, so it is natural women do not have to compete with men in every field. Women can do much better than men in many fields, and a lot of famine jobs are getting more and more respected and well-paid. Great differences between men and women, of course, will exist forever. What we should learn is how to bridge the gap between the two sexes. The essential thing we should do, I think, is communication."
Mary: With equality of opportunities, rights and privileges we will finally, after some generations, find out what women's and men's capacities really are. For men have also been moulded into certain ways of behaviour and belief. Only when we are all, at last, allowed equality of opportunities, rights and privileges, and the huge pressures of the money-grubbers to exploit us have been lifted from our backs for many generations, will we, men and women alike, find out the truth, and feel at ease and happy. Only when wars cease, people stop being trained to be gossipers and backbiters and to understand that we are all one human family;, will we find out how wonderful life can be, and what fine human beings we all really are.
Thank you friend, whoever you were, for your very well-written reprinted essay. Although I disagreed with most of your approach to your topic, it is certain that you did a good job of writing. There are some sloppy spelling errors which I put down to the person who copied your essay into the forum, and I think you should have tied a little more of your opening paragraph to the final one. That would have provided for stronger overall structure. I didn't analyze your individual paragraphs and the structure of each to see if you led smoothly from the last sentence of one to the opening sentence of the next, as you should have. I couldn't stand to read the biased things over again. However, nothing in that respect jarred me as I read. Your use of capitals and punctuation were generally excellent.
People here can learn a lot from your presentation of your material, but they should be careful not to absorb the message that men are intrinsically smarter quite different, and more able than women. It isn't true, and you didn't prove most of your statements with firm evidence.
All the best to you, Yueshenghai, Mary
