Dear Nature,
It sounds to me as though you are overwhelmed by change. You are discouraged.You were accepted in this university which means that you are up to it. Don't lose your advantage now due to the amount of change you re going through. There is change in everything, and you aren't too satisfied with your room, either. You are feeling the results of that overload of change. Don't compare yourself to the other students who seem to be doing better. You don't know what is really happening with any of them. All you need to do is to manage your own situation until you have adjusted to change. If you understand this you may be able to begin to work.
Use some of the time during the National Autumn break to get the books you need, and to gather yourself together. Begin to ready yourself for your new start. The reading of liesure books is a way for you to go into a cocoon and escape the severe and overwhelming demands upon you. Your present levels of stress will pass, if you give yourself a chance, and ride it out.
You need a small success of some kind to give you new heart. Now that you have these National days of peace, accept them and use them to recover yourself. While you have been sitting reading, inside your deeper self you were adding to the problem by nagging yourself about all the other things you should be doing. So reading wasn't a real rest. It was just the only way to escape a little from what was too much for you. Now take this little break in good conscience and with gratitude, and use it to come back to class with renewed strength, and to make another try. This time things will be more familiar, and you will find it all a little easier.
You are right about the task of memorizing the birthdays of those Presidents. Too bad they didn't give you something of more value. If you can get away with it and not suffer anything for doing so, then let it go.
Go to bed early the night before the first class after your break. Get there half an hour ahead of time so you get a good seat. When you accomplish this it will already be a small triumph to enjoy. Then use the half hour before class to feel settled and ready. You don't need to begin to work until the class begins.
Don't give up. It's too early for that. You have achieved your aim of getting into the university. Give it a good try. I'm sure things will start to work for you if you go at it this way. Every time you achieve a small victory give yourself a few inward words of praise and know that you are getting to your true goal. Your university studies will help you a lot throughout life.
I am one of those who care about you, dear Nature. I well remember you, and I have always liked you here. Courage, friend. :-)
Warmly, Mary
