Dear Xiapenglilia,
May I suggest something?
Look at what you enjoy doing. Which things do you do and totally forget about time passing as you immerse yourself in them? When is it that time seems to collapse, and you suddenly realize that hours have passed as you have been happily engaged. That should indicate to you something about what your own talents are. Everyone has talent for something. Some have many talents.
If possible, try to make something related to your talents become your career.
As you study to develop that talent, remember why you are doing. It is to to take care of yourself and your family, yes, that's true. You are also doing it to develop the special things you have as gifts within yourself. You are doing it to contribute something new and good to that field some day, if possible. You are doing it to be of true service to those who will benefit from your work. These are the reasons you gain and use your special abilities and trained skills.
Be careful not to force yourself to learn and practise something that doesn't fit you. It will always be "like forcing a square peg into a round hole," all of your life. However, remember that a person who hated to learnarithmetic may come to love higher mathematics. Be sure that it isn't just a particular teacher, or some facet of that subject that you dislike.
Try to be a square peg fitting into a square hole of the right size, or a round peg fitting into a round hole of the right size. If this is not allowed to you, for some reason -- then still, at least make the things you are gifted with into personal interests which you carry on whenever you can. Sometimes you can even bring the things that are your special gifts intowork that you don't like very much if you can only make use of them that way. For instance, if you are verbally very skilled, you may be able to develop into a personnel manager, even though you were originally hired to do engineering. Or you may simply use your verbal skills whenever you meet other people. Another thing to remember is that innovations,important discoveries, and new inventions have often enough been made by amateurs.
You see what Standly is doing now? He is preparing himself to become a teacher. He has found that teaching is his vocation -- his "calling". He is very committed to it, and will be successful, because he has the interest, the ability and the commitment.
Don't let material wealth and prestige drive you to do what you are not interested in, have no talent for and will eat up all your liesure time. If you do, you will always be only mediocre in the field, and likely unhappy. This will be bad for you, your future mate and children, your field of work, and the health of all of you, expecially your own.
I wish you the very best,
Mary
