Some thoughts after he left.
Yeah, he finally left. THe Internal controller that i had been mentioning all this while.
Office didnt seem to be extremely quiet given that we have visitors everyday, we have our very own in house jokers(the marketing team), plus, he is not a very noisy person in the first place.
Staring at the clock on my computer desktop folder, seconds by seconds it ticks...i cant help wondering, what could he be doing now? is he boarding the plane? has he boarded and infact buckled up and in 3-4 hours time he will be landing on the 2nd place which he called home, where his fiance is waiting for him?
Sitting down here in the office, i cant help wondering if he would call the office before he leave.Would he? even if he is not calling me, if he is saying good bye to everyone, at least i get one last chance to hear his voice...
Asking myself why did i get bonded with him so deeply, in just two weeks time, with an individual that i have only met for two weeks, who made me have sleepless nite coz of the pressure i get when he is around, with his existence..was it a mutual thing? or was it a one-way thingy? i suppose it was more of a one way thingy, as i dont see him being interested discussing anythingbeyond the work.
Trying to figure out why do i allow myself to rely n depend on him so much..two weeks, are short, was it the way he is the only one who could give me directions on what i am doing?(Solely because he is the one that designed that spreadsheet?) or was it because, the sharp nose and long face hehas, which reminds me of two person i used to be close with, whom i no longer close to, and i am seeking for a substitute for them? or would it be that, working here, is as good as working in a rough sea, that you do not know who to trust, where to go, who to be with, what to do, and with his arrival, he is as good as the light house to those lost ships in the sea, a blockto those stranded on the sea , which made ppl wanna grab hold onto him instead of anything else.
afterall, is that rational to have so much feelings attach to a person in two weeks time. is that feasible to have so much trust in a person in just less than 14 days? what good would it make even if he were to stay? what good will it do to me, even if he were to stay, that i dont have to learn to be independent and think on my own, stand on my own feet given that i know i can go to him immediately when problem arises?
i know, u could probably argue that, after all, with the current technology advancement, he is just a phone call away. other wise, he would be coming back when internal auditor is coming in sometime in april. but, things are different, that, him being here in the office, which u can see him feel him, that u can go into which ever office that he is in and asked if he's got a minute, and discuss things with him face to face. even if he were to come back sometime in april or may, things would no longer be the same. would i want him to come back? of course! for a supervisor like that there are tones of things to be learn from him. but then, it wouldnt do it him any good since he is suppose to be getting married in May and there would be millions and one things to be prepared.
After all, was he really that good? I dont know. Have i been perfecting his image and his character? i dont know either. But does this sound pretty much like the incident when we student or anyone that go overseas? you were sent there to complete a tast, once u've finished, u'd be sent to anotherlocation..there is no permanent bond between people...may be that's more efficient as less personal feelings are involve? or would it be less efficient as in the first place ppl have to adjust, re-adjust and re adjust to other ppl time after time after time when changes are in place?
Shouldnt that be the way since that's how we, this generation is brought up, the way we were sent away, well, lets not phrase it as sent away, having the opportunity to further studies else where rather.Shouldnt everyone, or me in particular, learn not to have as much personal feelings over anything anyone?And try to be a cold surgical table?
What an article in the early morning, huh?
