first of all, let me say why i choose this place to write this article.
i choose english forum to write this article is because that i know that he will not read it.
Is it over? hi, i cant say your name out, cuz i dont want to bring trouble to you. starting from the day i saw your article in one of the forum, my heart told me you are a good guy. at first i like your article, and it became a habit to left messages behind everthing u had written. as we talked to each other by leaving message, i began to know more about you, and i think i like you. the day we met in a chat room, i told you i like you. you told me you are a guy with no tomorrow, but i said i dont care. starting from that day, we chat every day, and i love you more and more as days passed by.
remember that day? as usual, i came to the chat room a little bit late, and u wait for me as if it was nothing. we chat, and then... you said (without whisper): i love you, could you marry me? do you know how happy i was that day? i felt like the luckiest woman on earth~ still, i didnt answer you, for i dont want to chain u, though i want you to be all but mine.
i know you are not like me. you are quiet, you are loyal, you are talented, and you are a caring person. i know you dont understand girls, or to say you are dumb when it comes to girls, but i dont mind it. sometimes what u said or did really touched me, and i know that you could be a very good boyfriend to the girl you love the most. you could be romantic, but you are not, well...not most of the time. since you are talented in literature, you wrote excellent articles, and some of them are so romantic and heart-breaking.
i am a girl who needs a lot of attention, just like what they say about Leo. When i love someone, i want him to love me in return, and since i was hurt before, and i am afraid of alone, i need confirmations from time to time. i need you to say you love me, not everday, but at least once a week. but since that day, i had never saw you say "I love you" to me again. every time i say i love you to you, i wonder if you loves me, every time i wait for you to say that three words, i grew more and more uncertain.
time flies. school has started again. now we dont have time to meet each other again, so the only thing that could link us, is our letters and messages, and the articles you wrote. i miss you 24 hours a day. every time when i saw couples holding hands, i think about you. every time i read a beautiful article, i think about you. every time i lay in the darkness, i think about you. every time i saw the watch, i think about you.
though school starts, i still try my best to come here. i know you will not be here when i was here, but the desire in my heart had made me come, and wait endlessly in front of the blank screen, in the hope of a miracle.
first weekend has come. i asked you if you have time to come here on sunday morning, but your reply had really disappointed me. a few days ago you told me you cant open your email account, so you cant write to me. i accept that as fate, and i told you ways we could keep in touch. but since that day, i received not a single letter from you, though you said you will try. i know that asking you to write a letter each day is quite demanding, and like i said, i dont want you to feel tired because of me. if you cant keep your promise of writing to me every day, you could just tell me, and i would tell you that you could write to me when you find time, but no. you said none of those things. and the day before yesterday, i asked you if you could come on sunday morning. you replied me saying that the school works makes you a lot busier, and you cant even find time to write your articles. that disappointed me, and it actually hurt me a lot. you could say im a very sensitive girl, but i hurt me when i recall you saying you need to find time to write your article, but you cant find time to chat with me. your articles, are far more important than me. maybe i got it wrong, maybe im just being too child-like. but in net love, everything could change in second, and with you not expressing your feelings to me, how could i not feel uncertain?!
you said you r busy. but i am busy too~ i need to study a lot things, and the homeworks are like little hills piling up on my desk. but still, i find time to come here, only in the hope of seeing you, but instead,only tears greeted me, and watching me leave.
i wrote you a love poem, but i never give it to you. i dont know if it means anything to you if i give it to you, so i never emailed you, or tell you its existence. i had gained my first 5 stars for the poem, but the person i really want to give it to dont even know about it. i remember a girl left a message saying that if a guy saw this poem, he would fall in love with me, but all i want is you, to fall in love with me. all i want is you, to care for me, like i care for you.
should i ask you to be my friend or my big brother only? should i tell you that everything is over? i don't know what to do. i dont want to hurt you. i would never do tat. but with you not saying a word, i feel very tired at guessing what you are thinking, and our relationship is begining to feel like a burden to me. i told you that if you find the girl you love the most, i would feel happy for you. i told you that my biggest happy is your happiness, and i want you to be happy, even though the girl who could make you smile is not me. do you think i would give the man i love to a girl easily? it takes courage to do that, it takes a lot of things to make a person let go of his/her love. i want everday of your life filled with happiness.
some boys had chased me before, but i refused all of them. i guess maybe boys and i are meant to be friend only, maybe i will never find my true love, maybe i will have to spend my entire life searching, waiting, and thinking only about others' happiness.
should it be over between us?
