what's wrong with me?

I’m abnormal these days. I don’t feel like studying, nor playing. I can’t enjoy the things that I once liked doing very much. I’m obsessed with a boy all the time, a boy came into my life ridiculously. We met on the net, talked on the phone; no meeting, no further progresses. Then he sent me a text message before long, asking whether I still remembered him. By no means should I do! However, we got to talk on the phone soon after that and the fact was, as it were, we both found the very person in our lives eventually. Subsequent to that we communicated a lot oftener, several times by SMS messages and once or twice on the mobile. I knew that would probably cost me a lot and indeed it did! Mind u, I’m a damn well thrifty person, or, u say, closefisted. I would count every penny and bargain for hours when I buy something. And before I made my acquaintance with this boy, I kept my mobile off everyday in fear that someone might call me. As u know, mobile calls are bidirectional charged. But u see, what I’m doing now! as it goes, we both know that we need a conclusion, that is, whether we should step forward or end here. So we met, however, reality is always different from illusion, as it turned out, he’s not handsome and I’m just---normal. (Gosh! 5’2 can never be a good height for a girl and worse still, no good looks, no gorgeous figure, no nothing! And look at those girls around, they’re all as pretty as anything! Tall, sexy, charming, shit! Why should I live in this nasty undersized skin? Why? Whenever my girlfriends go out with their boyfriends and leave me alone, I feel a deep pain inside, like a knife piercing my heart, and it would not stop until tears well up my eyes. I try to distract myself from my physical defects, but it’s constantly haunting.) He tried hard to hold back his disappointment, but his expression gave himself away. I was awkward, feeling out of place. I suggest we find a warm place where we can sit down and talk for a while. He agreed. So we walked shoulder by shoulder on that vast, empty campus, in the freezing wind of winter, at this early time in the morning. Two strangers, wide apart in height, walked in silence. It was a long way, maybe thousand of miles to the destination—a dining hall. We didn’t order anything, we did sit down and, well, talk. I can’t recall when we went out and how come I sat in the well-illuminated classroom having a class. I was in a state of dreaming all that morning, then I had my lunch---plain water, hot water, so pleasant in that cold weather. I stared at the steam rising in the air, crazy as it sounds, I still wanted to stay friends with him. I guess I like him, but why? I don’t know. Day in day out, we keep in touch. I think that’s good. But what I need is more than that, a turning point or, an end for all. I asked him whether he would like to hang out with me, he said it was OK, reluctantly. Only OK! I told him directly I knew I wasn’t a pretty girl but I was a good one, he said he wasn’t really care about my appearance coz’ he wasn’t that kind of person. I knew he wasn’t, otherwise he could have said goodbye to me at the first sight. From this point u can tell he’s really good, huh? Perhaps that’s the reason why I like him. I never believe in cyber love, though. In reality, I don’t want a boyfriend, I don’t need one. I’ve been went through all these years by myself, I rely on my own efforts, make my own decision. I’ve got used to the world without boys about, filled with neglects. I don’t call it misery in that I managed to achieve most of my goals, I’m independent and strong enough. I’m a man at heart. Little by little, I lost interest in boys. Though sometimes I would admit a certain film star is really good-looking, it has nothing to do with me after all. I don’t make up, take no interest in beautiful clothes. How gray! I think to myself when I look into the mirror. Maybe u need a boyfriend. What u can’t have a boyfriend whenever u want. What I’m doing is wired, it seems I’m desperate to find a boyfriend or something but I don’t even want to! What’s wrong with me? NOTICE: I WROTE THIS ARTICLE TO AROUSE UR THINKING OF LOVE, PHYSICAL DEFECTS,THE INTERNET AND SO FORTH. IT IS NECESSARILY TRUE, BUT IT CAN HAPPEN ANYWHERE, TO ANYONE.SENCONDLY,IF U FIND ANY MISTAKES IN GRAMMAR OR ANYTHING, PLEASE POINT OUT,I'LL APPERICATE FOR UR PERCIOUS COMMENTS!

• ·To my dreaming lover.^_
• ·ache
• ·Why English is so hard
• ·poem:black wings
• ·AUTUMN IN NEWYORK!
• ·The town of Bolton
• ·***[To my Co-Worker SAI
• ·this happened in a haml
• ·my heart
• ·"Hongen is a useless pl