Like a dream, I was able to be off work for four whole days. I couldn't wait for
one more minute and got on the night train home in spite of the horrible weather.
7 long and lonely hours on the train brought me into the small railway station where my home and my heart is. Just when the train rolled in at about 3 am, my mobile phone rang, " wake up, honey, time to get off." A short message from my hubby to remind me the time, in case I fall in sleep and miss the stop......
I had thought four days would be a heavenly long time, I had thought I could have everything done in four long days, all the washing, cleaning, shopping ......
I even treated myself the luxury of two or three hours online in the first two days. But it was just like a blink of eyes when I got the call from my working place asking me to return. For the Christmas party, I was told.
My girl said nothing when I told her I had to leave the second morning. She turned and went into her own bedroom and began to do her homework. I cleaned up the
kitchen, packed my things, then had the hot water ready for her. I entered her room to find a silently weeping girl, her notebook was all tear stained. My swift
hug and kisses only brought more tears out of those soft sweet big eyes, and my
eyes too.
I could feel some sort of subtle changes in my girl this time. Sure, the intense
love was no less and no lighter, but this morning, when she was having her breakfast I cooked for her, she had little. She was always a girl with a healthy appetite, so that worried me a lot, she said nothing, just that it was time for school. After sending her off, I picked up her bowl and had a taste of what was left, too salty.
But she did not complain. She did not just put down the bowls and refuse to eat,
she did not tell me I cooked bad either. She just tried not to show it. A 9-year-old girl. My eyes were very hot, like being stung by something. She played with her father, yelling at him when he made her angry, laughing hard when he made
her happy, running and screaming when he chased her in our small living room .
But to me, she was tender and mild and loving and, a little careful, a little unfamiliar...... Have we lost some of those dearest closeness and intimacy and openess which can only be found in a loving family?
Why did my girl not just shout at me and even cry like a girl at her age usually
does when things do not go her own way?
.............
