Oh my dear Joan!
Her "decaying beauty?" No, all seasons are beautiful. Spring, summer, autumn and winter. It has more to do with care and love and understanding.
One could as well speak of the callowness and the characterless faces of youth.
Would that be any more fair? If you want to see a really beautiful older Chinese woman, one much older than your mother can possibly be, you should go to Google images and call up a picture of Canada's Governor General Adrienne Clarkson,
the Queen's represenative in Canada.
I have eight grandchildren, some are adults, and I am still considered a good-looking woman. It pleases me to notice how often mature men find me attractive. Idon't do anything to attract them, but I see them looking. I love my Ben and I
would never cheat on him. I'm a faithful wife, and he is very happy to have a good looking wife that other men admire. You are right in your new understanding
that this desire to be pretty is in the heart of every woman.
One of my friends who teaches English in China for part of each year told me howshocked she was at what many beautiful women allow to happen to their looks soon after marriage. It isn't necessary and I think it will change, probably in your generation. I don't think men of my culture and yours are so different from each other, either. A man likes to be proud of his wife, especially before other
men. They also compare their wives to other women they see, and when they are pleased that theirs stacks up well they are happy. Men like a wife who is a good
companion, and attractive. I think this is as true of men; as it is of women that they like to be pretty.
In Canada it used to be that all women over 40 or 50 got short tight permanent waved hair which removed all gloss and texture and looked totally artificial They never used any colour to cover fading hair that was half way to grey. They
didn't use make-up, either. They didn't wear high heels, only sturdy laced oxfords. Fat bolster bodies, heads with fuzzy, glossless hair. Pale faces with eyes hidden behind steel rimmed eyeglasses and with no make-up to allow them to show well from behind the glass. We don't need to let that happen to us any more
! I certainly don't intend to allow it to ever happen to me.
I am trying to set a good example for my daughters and granddaughters. I wear tastefully applied make-up, including eyeliner and mascara, but don't wear anything but moisturizer on my skin. Powders don't usually look very good. They rub
off on clothing, too. I will never have botox injections or plastic surgery but
will always use skin moisturizer -- (even hand lotion will do,) and have protected my skin from too much sunshine. You should do so, too. Especially in Australia! Otherwise your skin will become wrinkled much too early in life. I keep my hair very long and have saved many thousands of dollarsmost of my life by cutting it myself. Hairdressers don't get a chance to cut it
so that it will look terrible as it grows out, and I'll have to go back as though addicted, for their fancy cuts to fix it up again.
There are at least 15 or more styles I use, according to situation and days since since it was washed. That is impossible with short hair. I also colour my hair, and will continue until it is completely silver when it will still be long and I'll use the same styles and hair ornamens. All three of our daughters have long hair, and so do our two granddaughters, 18 years old. They also enhance their looks with a little make-up, well applied.
When women colour their hair they should not use anything with peroxide or ammonia. I expect your mother could use henna. Maybe she does already? Only use a colour that coats the hair strand on the outside. Otherwise the hair will lose its texture and its shine. If you think your mother could look handsomer, why notencourage her in it? She will feel healthier and happier when she sees herselflooking prettier again.
Why don't you bring some make-up home for your mother? It doesn't need to cost too much, and I think she will enjoy experimenting with it in the privacy
of her home. She may even wear a little when she goes out sometimes, maybe a subtle bit of eyeliner and a little of her lipstick subtly rubbed into her cheeks
as a blush. She will glad of a little glamour. Take makeup with a subtle golden undertone. However you will know the that colours suit you, and something similar will probably look well on her. Don't take too bright colours, take subtler ones. I think since your mother was a dancer that she understands make-up, and also maybe the colours that suit her best.
I have often seen how you Chinese are not so very different from me. I see thathearts are the same. So I think your mother would enjoy things like this, and probably a scarf or two in a pretty colour that will compliment her complexion and go well with a basic colour scheme such as black and white, in the clothes youbring for her. She should look well in black and white with a bright scarf.
Now, you say, where will all the money come from? Well go to a supermarket for
the make-up. You'll get the best price there. I am going to tell you something
Many very well dressed women here recycle their clothes. There are "new to you
" shops everywhere. I think it must be the same in Australia. Check them out to find a good one. You still have enough time to do so. It should have been in
business quite a few years, and will be located in a more affluent part of the
city where quality clothing is recycled, or in the business district where office women work. Recycling good clothing is a way to live lightly on the earth, and also to save money. Women sell the clothes they don't want any more as well as buy, so it is a recirculation.
Take a good look at the clothing and choose carefully for your mother. All the
clothing won't be skimply little things. Our summers here are up to 40 c. at the
hottest, and all our clothes aren't skimpy, even at that time. I never go around in skimpy little things. You will find tops and things for your mother there. Don't take very short sleeves. Take elbow or wrist length. Remember, it is
easier to shorten than to lengthen. Look for good seam allowances inside so she
can let things out if she needs to. Or else buy them too big and let her take
them in. Unless she is a tall, strongly built Chinese woman she's probably right that there are bigger Australian women that she is. In Canada it is often the
case that the extra-sized clothing for women that is found in these stores is of better quality than the smaller clothing. By the way, if you can sew you can
buy very large sized clothing for the excellent cloth, take it apart and remake
it into something nice for yourself from a fashionable dress pattern.
Be careful of the colours you choose. Her colouring is not the same as that of
many Australians. She will probably look extremely well in rich black, pure white, and pure, clear, deep tones. Don't get her any little flower prints. Try to get elegant things. You will be astonished at what you find. Buy washable or
dry-cleanable things. Generally buy natural fibres and steer clear of polyester
and so on. Nylon and spandex are good. The store will have treated everything
in it so that there are no insects or anything to take along with you. Don't buy underwear, bathing suits, socks or stocking, shoes, or anything that is worn
too intimately close to the
body.
Many smart and well-dressed women in the west do this. Check it out. If
you know the names of good Australian brands you will find some really terrific
buys. If you look among jackets or other clothing, look at the price tags and decide what the highest prices are. Look at the most expensive. Do the same with everything else. The prices will be a fraction of standard store prices, but
the highest prices are for the highest quality garments.
This is a good thing to do in Canada and the USA. The clothing is in excellent and clean condition, and good quality. This is no rag and bone business!
You may also find factory outlet stores of excellent brands. They too are much
cheaper than the new to you stores, but don't have the wide choices those have,
and the delight of finding buried treasures that these stores have. You never know what wonderful find you are going to make. Everything is more expensive of
course in the factory outlets.
I hope you will encourage your mother to make herself pretty. Many overweight women have very pretty faces and hair. That's where to start. And the right coloured scarf will suit anybody. You may find some excellent costume jewellery, too.
I'm glad you understand your mother better now, Joan. She can't be very old, since you are her daughter, and you aren't very old. I think I'm much older than
she is. I think she would like a few things that are from the west that you bring home for her. She doesn't need to ever tell her friends where you may have purchased them. In fact, you don't need to tell anybody, yourself. Unless you think they will understand. Sometimes cultural mind blocks can't be overcome. In that case, don't tell.
I assure you, this will also be very, very light on your pocket-book. In the west there is no shame or danger in it. It is accepted as a good and ecologically
correct thing to do. It extends your money so you can do more important things
with it. In China it may be frowned on. So don't tell, except your mother. If she is totally against it after you have looked anddescribed what you have seen to her, by telephone or in a letter, then pay fullprice for a pretty coloured scarf and the make-up, at least and bring that to
her from Australia so she has the thrill of the foreigngift.
Warmly, Mary
