Dear Helen,
You're right. I don't have any experience with the Chinese school system so I only write about what I know and hope that some of it may be useful. I alsocan't know what kinds of situations you parents have in your own lives. Some of
the things I recommend may be impossible. If anything doesn't fit your
situation just let it go.
I should explain something first. The reason I write about my own and my family
's experiences here is because I know the complete story and the full truth, andhow they worked for us. I know how things turned out after a long period of time
. That's most important. Theories are good, and short term experiments
are good, but long-term results are most important and those I've been able to experience or observe for myself.
Helen asked for my thoughts about extra classes such as dancing, drawing, piano,
that she could provide for her little daughter when the time comes. Her childis presently three years old. I decided there may be others here who will have
the same concerns one of these days so this is what I think, which may help your
decision-making process.
Experts here think middle class parents are taking their children to far
too many extra classes. They now believe two extra activities per week such as
piano lessons or soccer classes is all a child should have. The reasoning is that children are being so tightly programmed by all these highly organized extra-
curricular activities that they don't have time left just to be children, and the leisure to play in their own ways. Their independent imaginative games develop important capacities too, and give the child's spirit needed ease
and rest.
I would like to share long term observations of my own experience with the extracurricular lessons of our family and myself as a child and an adult. As a childI took piano accordian lessons. In my teens I played for about 300 people at once, at the most. My adult life doesn't include playing an instrument. I haven't
owned an accordion for years. I would have been better off with singinglessons because I have a strong voice with a wide vocal range. Your voice is
always with you for practise and enjoyment, and most life changes don't take it
away from you. My 120 bass piano accordion was too heavy for my build and particular health condition. Vocal training would have developed my lungs, which even then had their certain weakness.
Think about what kinds of needs your daughter has and give her lessonsthat will enhance her over-all health and lifestyle. I would like to own a small 12 bass accordion again one of these days, just to tootle on by myself. What
I gained from the lessons bought by my parent's sacrifice of hard earned money is some knowledge of the mechanics of music. I suppose this is cultural enrichment. Was it worth it?
I also had elocution lessons as a child. My mother spoke excellent English in awith a well modulated voice. I had no ugly speaking habits to overcome. I guessI learned some public speaking confidence, but I would have had the same opportunities and learned the mechanics of speaking to groups through Toastmasters, which I joined in my teens at much lower cost, and again in my middle years when
I particularly needed it. I think I would speak as well as I do now without my parents sacrificing their slim funds for those lessons.
The lesson here is that if you child's life isn't damaged by war or acute poverty and she is truly interested in something she will get to it of her own accord
. So don't despair if you don't give her all the lessons other kids are given.
Now I would like to share a little about lessons from a parent's point of view.
We didn't have money for extra lessons for our first three children. However,
our second daughter is a fine artist and a poet and she's very good. She didn't
want to go to art school because she wanted to maintain her own point of view and approach. Having taken myself off to college in my middle years I know that
after you graduate it takes awhile, sometimes years, to find your own way. This has often been said by trained artists. This daughter is always busy enjoying herself with some painting project. She also partly earns her living using her talents. She is completely self taught. Of course, she studied art onher own and knows about art history and many styles, periods and methods.
She developed some materials for herself that makes some of her works unusual.
Her painted furniture is better than any I've seen in good interior design stores. If she wanted tom she could paint and sell hers for very good prices.
No lessons.
Our second daughter is also self-taught in a number of fields such as singing, speaking, leading groups and so on. She makes part of her living through her abilities and leadership skills she learned herself. She sets her own steady learning goals still, and adds to her experience in ways that enhance her life and also her level of employability. She sings solos for weddings and other events.
She's competent to sing publicly without accompaniment. She has sung with a choir in Carnegie Hall in New York and recently in a gospel choir where she was a main soloist. She had no lessons in childhood and has recently taking some piano lessons on her own.
Our son learned all of his high level computer skills through his own efforts after he got two years of training at the beginning of high school in 1971/2, whencomputers were new to the school scene here, and before the school system took those computers and training away again in the third year. That was enough to get him started, and he turned into a computer geek. Finally got his first job at
it because he was always at the centre of things watching and learning although
not employed there, and later became one of the 3 person executive group that
ran that large and modern system. He got his MBA on his own at 40 as a muture student with no under-graduate work because he ranked in the 95th percentile on the exam that let him into the MBA program at one of Canada's best business schools, the Richard Ivey School of Business. That gave him the papers to prove what
he can do, and he has a good job. All this was learned through his own deep interest and constant reading.
Our third child came eight years after the youngest of our first three, who all
arrived pretty close together. We had a little more available money by then, andlived in a more middle class area where other children took classes, so we gave
her flute lessons, ice-skating and speed competition swimming lessons like her friends. She asked for the lessons. She no longer plays the flute, nor does she
go ice-skating in her busy life, although she was good at both. She recently sold her silver flute because she doesn't intend to use it, and she could use the
cash for other things. When she skates she can do so prettily. But so what? I
can skate, too, and enjoy my plain skating on the rare occasion that I now do it, and I taught myself using my mother's old brown skates. I also took myself to swimming lessons when the kids were young and got the Red Cross Intermediate Swimmer's badge which keeps me safe in deep water and allows me to help rescue others.
I sewed fanciful costumes for her skating events and drove her to flute lessons
and exams. She bought her own silver flute, but we bought the previous ones. Iwonder now that she's a grown woman, what was the value of those classes and the money and effort expended? Perhaps it allowed her to feel equal to classmatesand friends who also had these kinds of extra-curricular activities? Was that
important?
She went to university, mostly paid for by herself through student loans as our
finances were low again, and got her Master's degree in geography. She defended
her thesis in her eighth month of pregnancy after marriage. She learned to be ascholar and she can hold her own with other highly educated people which she enjoys in their business. Her particular talents lead heavily towards business development and promotion. She and her husband are both creative and are both very individualistic. They owned a locally successful Latin American band in which they both sang. Later they developed a Latin American restaurant that was given excellent critical reviews. They know how to present food and surroundings beautifully, and presently have two small places that are popular. They
don't make much money. She home-schools their three children. And they keep drawing on their creativity trying to work out ways to make more income. So far it
's a strain. But they are their own persons, and like what they are dong and what they are trying to create together.
What about those extra lessons? Well, if she falls into deep water she won't drown. She can probably teach or rescue her children. Like me, she knows the mechanics of music. Unlike mine, her instrument was small and light so she could buy another flute and use it again in the future if she wants to. So far she doesn't see a way to use her Masters degree. Particularly since she and her husband insist on being self-employed and she feels that the education made her too independent minded for many employers. She could make a lot more money if she were willing to work in business, university or government, but she isn't, and I respect her reasons. Particularly as she learned them at home from her father. ;
-> What use do you think that hard to come by money for her lessons brought her? I can't really say, myself.
My dear Helen. This is a round-about response, isn't it! I'm offering it to you so that you may be able to imagine yourself into it as possible over there, watch what others are doing and the outcomes, and chew on thoughts that will probably come to you as you make up your own mind.
Here in Canada, if you have talent, energy and health, it is still possible todevelop yourself further, later on in life. If a strong drive is there you will
do something about it, one way or another. What a child lives with in her own
family, and her inherited characteristics will probably be among the strongest influencesin her life. First of all, you probably have similar talents to each other. Then she will have observed what you were able to do. In your case, to go back to school to get your own degree.
In Ben's case, to be independently employed and his own master. Example of independence of mind comes from both Ben and I, and we have it in our inherited background. Ancestors were very early and persecuted Protestants in Christianity. Two of our children married immigrants from far away, (El Salvador and Persia,) which is Ben's and my influence through our Faith and belief in the
oneness of the human family, and from their associating with people from many lands during their childhoods.
Our three daughters are each strongly interested in health and nutrition which comes from me and their family life while growing up, and Ben's hearty European breads. Ben is much self-taught and is self-employed, and has been for years. Herejected his early career training, but retained the accounting and organizational skills and he's very creative when it comes to business and getting along with people well. Much in your child's ways will also come from home environment and heredity. Of course, we all have free will in many things, so they will make
of heredity and environment what they will, and they have talents from many past generations as well as the family you know, so who knows what gems of hidden talents they have in the genes?
Be sure to encourage her love of reading. Reading is the key to further self-education and self-entertainment. Sometimes it seems to me that love of reading opens almost any door. It's always a solace during hard or boring times in life.
Let your children see you reading for pleasure as well as study. Let them see
where you go to university. Let them see and hear enough of your family talk sothat they know your philosophy of life, how you help others and care about them
, how you get along with other people at work, especially if it's hard. What is
expected of a person who works for others. Don't bar them from your conversations about such things. They are sponges and pick up everything. Don't think they aren't listening and learning.
I hope you can choose extra classes that will be more useful in your daughter's
life that skating, the accordion and the flute were in ours. Something she can
do under any conditions. Something that can keep her healthy and happy in adult life, such as a sport she can enjoy alone when necessary. A team sport won't
fill this bill because there won't always be the team, or the strength. Try to
fit the extras you will give her to her own personality, body type, and real inner interests. Piano may be a good idea if she has musical interests. Does she
sing to herself? There are often pianos around and a person who can play well is a pleasure to themselves and their social group at the least. Dancing is good
if she has the physique and the interest.
I hope this may help in your thinking, Helen. This is the long version. I'll post a condensed version for anyone interested, who can't read at length.
Warmly, Mary
