" I feel that I now totally understand why some people cut their life off by committed suicide". I said this to my husband late last night and this early morning again when this thought and feeling coming to me.
I think I am an optimistic person and have positive attitude towards everything
in life. So whenever knowing that someone commited suicide from the reports in newspaper or TV program, I had the feeling that those people were somewhat stupid
that they were so easy to give up their life in that way. And I always thought
that I could not truly understand their such behavior!
But now I think I understand them! Life pressures and responsibilities, depressions from every direction and side, tiny and big, unfinished jobs and endless
chores, my sore neck and shoulders... all of these could kill me at any time when I take it seriously. I feel I don't belong to myself, I cannot do things according to my own will/likings most of the time. As being myself( a wife/a mother)
at home, I have to give all my time to my family. One day is Fine, Two days are
OK, Three days may be all right, but four days, five days... when is the last day? Where is the end?... Yes, I enjoyed it as sometimes doing this could bring me
much fun. But most of the time, I had to deal with all hardship at the same time. Patience, Tolerance, Consideration, Thoughtfulness, Energy, TIME.... all these are definitely very important and required for me. These are the challenges I have to cope with everyday! As I need them all. I work so hard all the
time. I do my best to have them all in me all the time..... At times, I felt so
tired and so exhausted. I need to release myself in time otherwise I am afraid that I will burst. Those people who could not hold themselves when their thoughts
entering to status of the extreme. It was not a surprise that they chose to cut
their life off by suicide in the hope of getting free eventually.
Life is by no means easy in my case at present. So I have to do some adjustments
properly from time to time. Also I need to adjust myself, my attitude to things
when needed accordingly. As life is still going and I must keep going with it..
..As I don't want to miss the chance of enjoying the bright sides of life.
I have to say that is an awful sudden feeling came to me at that moment. But I will defeat it soon by my love to my life and my love to my family, my love to myjobs....
However, one thing there unchanged is that I now understand why some people commited suicide. That is what the hardship in my life told me. I am thankful to my
life for giving me such feeling and understanding. Still, I will keep my pace and live happily on the earth. The sudden feeling enables me understand life more
but it won't alter my attitude towards life.
Friends, Let's face difficulties and depression with smile! :-)
Sally
