Dear friends,
Please don't believe that all Westerners live such loose lives as you see in the
movies and read about in books. You know from your own movies how movies are not usually very close to your own real lives. :-)
Loose and careless sexual behaviour such as one night stands will quickly bring
disease. What husband or wife wants to catch a sexually transmitted disease from their loose-living and untrustworthy mate? If I knew I had such a mate I would immediately cease sleeping with him or her, and get a divorce. Why should I believe that the "leopard would change his spots?" I would be sure to have myself examined carefully by a physician so that anything I might have caught from the mate could be treated early and, hopefully, cured. You know, some of these diseases are extremely contagious. Some are killers. Some are destroyers of the
ability to have children. Why should any husband or wife put up with
such frivolous and dangerous deception! This is not meant as advice. It is what I would do in such circumstances, but it may not be your decision.
Marriage is a commitment to each other. It means you can trust your mate to be
true to you and no third party will enter and damage your relationship. It means you will both work together to raise your child or children. It means caring
and trust between you. It means consultation and openess in discussion. It certainly doesn't mean any kind of deception.
About raising children to be able to meet life well, to contribute, and to develop their gifts, I would like to suggest that you read Alfred Adler for how to raise children and how to conduct your own lives. His way is very good guidance for life and living well. It strengthens the child or individual and does not dwell on the past, but rather on the future you want to achieve. You will find his ideas excellent for individuals and also for building a healthy society as a
whole. Incidentally, he tended to be a socialist. Also, his way of relating to
children so that they trust themselves and become valuable and able individuals
and citizens is used in the US school system. If you want, I can give you the
name of a book that you may be able to order.
I wish you all the very best. Warmly, Mary