Dear Truthful,
Mini-David and I have been having a discussion about that story she translated and posted under "A Whole Life Wait." Now she has made a point that concerns
me in case it explains you and that army man's problems in your relationshipwith each other.
Please be sure that neither you or he are behaving like what Mini-David saysin the two paragraphs quoted beneath this one. I don't want you tomake any wrong decisions based on my analysis, which is a more Western
analysis. Is it possible that any of the next two paragraphs applies to
you or your army man?
"I mean the difference culture is specially on how does a
female show her love to the beloved of her heart. My
knowledge of west is very limited. But as I know it,
females there is able to show love to her man freely
and daringly. This situation is absolutely prohibited less
than 100 years before in China. Female's in shy and dutiful
is highly praiseful that time even now somewhere. So girls
just can love someone in heart but can not express her
feeling directly. And that unavoidablely brings uncountable
misunderstanding and even tragedy like the story I mentioned.
We suppose that the boy also loves the girl in the story.
But maybe he had thought that the girl does not love him
without her expression. That is the fatal misunderstanding.
And it decided the tragic result."
I replied to her which I hope doesn't apply to you and your armyman.
I am a little worried about the man Truthful is interested in.
What if he is one of that kind? Or she is? They needed to
talk with each other in a trusting way until Truthful finds
out the real truth of the situation. Not just lock down and
go away to lick their wounds and live a life such as is
described for the woman in "A Whole Life Wait."
Please read what Mini-David wrote last, in case your Chinese culture hascaused this misunderstanding between you.
Warmly, and with concern and desire for your lasting happiness,
Mary
*********
Dear Mini-David,
Now that explanation begins to make sense to me. It is very unfortunate.
It used to be the case here, too, that men were very stern with their
children, and undemonstrative with their wives. People didn't exposetheir private family affairs to the eyes and ears of neighbours and
friends.
I think that one of the reasons for the excessive concentration on sexin movies and magazines and advertising here is because there is stilla hang-up in the inner being about sex. If there wasn't a hang-up, whywould anything about sex be so titillating? If people are used to somethingand are quite relaxed about it they aren't overly fascinated by it. Ibelieve that many people must, as you said in an earlier post, carry
hidden cultural feelings about sex that causes this.
In my opinion the sex and love life of a married couple is private to
them, and it is clean and beautiful. Consenting married couple shouldenjoy each other sexually, as well as every other way, and it is theright place for them to fully express their mutual desires. That's whyit's a terrible breach of fidelity and faithfulness to share what belongsonly with our mates, with somebody else.
I think the present fascination with "love" and romance that I see allthe time on the forum isn't only because the youth here are full of theirnewly surging hormones that prepare them to want to find a good mate andgo ahead into marriage. (Or into love affairs if they think that's modernand the way to go. Unfortunately a lot do these days.) It seems to methat the intense interest in anything at all to do with love and sex is
a releasing of those tight bonds between the sexes that you mention in yourreply, above. If so, then things are only going to get worse, if theygo the way things have here.
Luckily for me I married a well balanced and psychologically mature manwho has always been devoted to me and a faithful husband and friend. Ican't say that I was as mature as he was in these ways and I'm glad hefound me.
Life based on honour, truthfulness, trust, warmth, understanding,
compassion, caring, helpfulness, forgiveness, physical affection andopeness between you both verbally and in actions is what it takes fora good marriage and that special relationship between mates. When thereis no promise and bond before others studies here have found that thecommon-law marriages without a pledge, are more subject to breakdown thaneven the civil marriages that don't have religion in the service. I thinktherefore, that it is a bad idea to live together as though there was a
pledge when there was none.
All societies are changing and change isn't easy. There is lots ofchaos involved. I think you are going to continue to see more and more ofit there. The story of "A Whole Life Wait" certainly illustrates the flawsof the old system your described.
I am a little worried about the man Truthful is interested in. What if he is one of that kind? Or she is? They needed to talk with each other in a trusting way until Truthful finds out the real truth of the situation. Not just lock down
and go away to lick their wounds and live a life such as is described for the woman in "A Whole Life Wait."
Of course, the man in that story isn't very mature because he went through so many women. Obviously he didn't have the psychological maturity to hold or be true to any of them. Probably if the woman hadn't died, and had married him in the
blue dress the old codger would still be casting eyes at the widow next door, over the back fence.
I now tend to think that what is more likely is that he finally injured her self
-esteem, and her trust in men, that when she finally went away where she would never meet him again, and she never married because he had destroyed her ability
to trust any man.
Here things have gotten to such a stage that it won't surprise me if there is a
backlash against loose sex, degeneracy and all the usage of sex to sell anything
, because a lot of people are getting worried about the decay of morals and of many other things that belong in a civilized society.
It's an interesting discussion we're having. Wouldn't it be nice if others would take part, too. I admire you for your continuing with it with me and making your point. Lots of the others would have decided that my posts were just too hard to reply to, and wiggled out. You didn't. Congratulations.
Warmly and with affection and admiration, Mary