Grandma’s Death
Grandma was terribly ill in bed with a heart problem. It had been said by the doctors that she would not be able to make it until a heart transplant was made successful and RMB100,000 was the minimun cost. We, all of us, her children and grandchildren, were sitting together with most of our hands in the hair. RMB100,000 was not a small amount of money back in 1992. And we could not possibly afford it.
The chilly silence outside the ward where we had been informed of this had never
really left me since. I was no more than 12 at that time and a semi-kid actually. But strange enough, the hidden meaning of this event was fully interpreted to
me as a teenager. I was the oldest kid of my generation who had been brought up
by my dear grandma. I once thought to myself, if this could be done, I would like to have ten years of life cut off to add to my dear grandma’s.
But it was not really possible.
Witnessing your beloved one’s life fading could be the cruelest torment yet unfortunately, that was the very experience for me in an early age. What’s even worse is that you are learning the fact that medical care will never be given if your wallet is empty.
The intravenous tubes ware filled with liquids, various kinds of liquids, to prevent infection, provide nutrition, and keep away from depletion of body fluid. None of these were, as I learned later from medical resource, to the root.
The pale complexion deteriorated with each passing day and grandma was becoming
weaker and weaker.
She left us. Poverty stroke without being seen. The trace it left was not seen by others around me, but I know it is there.
Can someone say that we did not love grandma? No, but the very contrary, we did,
all of us. Can someone say that we did not try our best to help cure her? No, it was a killingly painful decision that we decide not to sell the house for sake
of the schooling children and the whitening of the complexion of all the adult
relatives were deeply printed in my memory.
It is now more than a decade later and I have grown up into an adult, leaving an
eye on every penny spent, seized every opportunity to earn to support my families, enjoying every meal though it can taste far from yummy, and giving all I can
if needed to my dear parents and relatives.
Because I know, right here and now, you’ve got to live for those you loved. Money is not everything, I still stick to that, but sometimes love can be forced to
be measured by money. And save myself from witnessing the torment of being unable to provide enough medical treatment has been the strongest motivation ever since.
