Streams of Life (24)
Three months ago we had a house-warming party. Invited guests, despite asking about presents and being told not necessary for that, brought several bottles of
wine. I put them in the cupboard under the cooker in the kitchen, and forgot them almost until recently. Then suddenly I thought why we didn’t have a candle-and-wine party ourselves.
One of our friends brought us a box of scented candles. The candle holders and candles were lake blue and green. You kindle them; instantly the whole room was hued with lovely color and scented with dim flower fragrance. We moved our coffertable into the room and put it beside the futon. All were very soothing and sedative. Holding crystal glass and saying “cheers”, the whole evening became ours.
In the quiet candle night,my friend and I talked about a lot of things. Talking
about things always can make me feel better. It was the very afternoon I got my
visa parcel from UK embassy. It was a refusal. Despite we would try to appeal next week, I couldn’t help feeling distressed. The reasons laid out on the refusal letter were all absurd and prejudiced. Because of the differed economical standard between China and UK, the UK part got so nervous and fidgety, lest people
visiting the country would attempt to get free stuff. But what all I wanted was
just to visit my friend’s family and only for three weeks.
I know things eventually will work out. But sometimes I couldn’t understand whyeverything was so nerve-racking and difficult. It was as if the whole world were trying to stand against us. Look far back to the past- ever since I graduated,
I have barely had any positive feedbacks whenever I tried to do something. It was because the life was forging my mind? Or it had just been very tricky to me?
Once in a while I jested that I wish I could remain in school. I sounded very much like an escapist. But that wasn’t my real intention, as staying in school wouldn’t help solve any problem. All I wished was just to refuge in the campus
a while, when I felt so knackered and disheartened. The hustle and bustle of city almost drove me nuts. The other day after ten-hour leading my client around Shanghai, sitting in the van and holding the sweaty cash, I knew that was the end
of it.
It was all very nice to say that experience came after time. But the reality washow much you would need to get high esteem. I had been offered more than once
to show foreign tourists around Shanghai. I though I had better grasp the chanceto get experience. So I did. But then I found not every client would be nice toyou. Some of them could be very displeasing and critical. This client of mine never kept appointments on time. The never-ending waiting time really drove me nerves. Furthermore, she never bothered to apologize for that. In her view I must
be so cheap.
It was as if God would never let you suffer once without another. It was the same day the embassy gave me a phone interview while I was accompanying my client on the busy street and giddy by the heat. They thought I was tense and nervous totalk loud on the phone, which in face was only due to the outdoor noise. They
must be so smug afterwards to think they just revealed a conspiracy. I wonder
how many self-important job-worth were around in this world.
Just last night, lying on bed, my friend and I thought of alternatives. It seemed going to Nanjing next week was unavoidable. I knew I had to conquer this. If
I couldn’t avoid from confronting bureaucracy, I had to think of ways to pleasethem by giving them formalistic proof. In the very candle night, while watchingthe crimson wine in glass flicker away in the candle light, I was thinking maybe I should take life as beautifully as I could. After all, despite the incidence
, my life has to continue afterwards.
