Dear Pie,
Here is a quotation you may consider: "A kindly tongue is the lodestone of the
hearts of men."
Here's another: "No one knows what their own end shall be."
There are crimes that are not considered crimes, yet they do more harm than sleeping with a man who is not your husband.
For instance, back-biting and gossiping. These two things break down the unity
between people. They cut off peoples' chances, with lies. The destructive effects can last a hundred years.
Pie, no one of us knows how the Great Spirit judges our actions. Some things that we do may seem noble, yet inwardly our reason for doing them may be
selfish. We may help someone, like the English teacher I just read about with pleasure, and change their life forever.
One of the greatest things we can do for others is to encourage them. We need to dwell on their good points and overlook the bad ones. With such nurture the good will grow and will overcome the bad.
With courage from true encouragement, people can achieve wonderful things. With
criticism and a darkened heart they become helpless.
As Google pointed out, Diana has been struggling through a great and ongoing test. She almost overcame it once. Her lonliness and lack of inner resources, understanding and respect for herself drew her to seek out again what seemed to be
able to fill the void she feels inside. Sheis now bravely and courageously starting again. This is not easy for Diana. Some people must slay the evil dragon of alcohol addiction over and over. Some must slay the evil dragon of a sharp tongue. Some must slay the evil dragon of gambling away their family's comfort and future well-being. Many terrible things
we bring upon ourselves and our families. If we were wise we would avoid these
things. In a materialistic, decadent world such as ours has become, enticements
are everywhere, placed there by those who expect their own selfish gains from our naivity and foolishness.
Diana just now has nobody else to trust and confide in but us. We don't know who she is, so she feels safe here. She needs us, and we all need each other. It
is so easy to judge others. It is hard to judge ourselves. We feel righteous
when we judge others. That is not a healthy way to feel. Self-righteousness can lead to many errors.
You have not been wrong to express your strong feelings about this woman's
betrayal and misbehaviour. You have been honest. Just as she has been honest.
It is better to be honest, while taking care to remain pure-hearted and not righteous, and not to do more damage to an already wounded and struggling heart.
Dear Pie, life will test you too, as it tests all of us. There are crimes of
commission. There are crimes of omission. Many crimes are never exposed, except to the All-Knowing Great Spirit from Whom nothing is hidden. At the time we leave our bodies here in this earth from which they are made, and awaken to the fact that we are still aware, and there is still more life and more to learn and
experience, we also all become aware of the complete outcomes of all the actions
of our lives. I assure you, there will be many surprises in store for all of us at that time. Spreading ramifications through time, of one's own thoughts and
deeds is worth considering, then.
Guidance is one thing. Criticism is quite another. It is better to guide a soul so that it can attain, than to criticise it so that it becomes hopeless and gives up. Diana is really trying. Please try to encourage her and put out the hand of friendship, rather than slap her in the face. She doesn't need a slap to wake up. She's awake and wants to change.
You say "mistakes might be quite different from crimes." There are public crimes, such as killing someone because you were careless, or because you hated them.
Or stealing from the public treasury, or bribing. There are personal crimes that are evil or wickedness done for selfish, greedy, malicious reasons. Diana isn't malicious. She is lonely in a strange place, with no true friends. You don't know what kinds of things she has to put up with. You don't know what the home life is of the man who enjoyed her. You know very little about the whole thing. I have very often found that when I conclude something about someone's circumstances I was quite wrong because I didn't even know half the story. You don
't know much about Diana or that man, or anything else about it. Don't do harm
and make things harder than they already are for her.
There is a story that once there was a woman who was caught in adultery. The great men of the neighbourhood gathered around her and were about to stone her to
death. Jesus Christ came across this scene and stopped the men when he said "let him who is without sin cast the first stone." Not one cast a stone at her. At least those men were able to be honest with themselves and acknowledged inwardly their hidden crimes. This is an important wisdom story.
Jesus Christ advised people not to try to take "the mote out of their brother's
eye until they removed the beam from their own eye." A mote is a speck. A beam
is a large, strong piece of wooden lumber used in building. The example is extreme so that we will grasp the concept. He said none of us is without sin.
You wrote "The result of crimes can never be mended, but mistakes can. We can learn much from mistakes ,to avoid the second same mistake. But we may have no chance to change everything once crime happened." Diana is trying very hard this time to learn from her serious mistake. Let us hope that she has not contracted
any disease from that man. That would be a crime on his part. If she perseveres and becomes faithful again she may very well heal this mistake.
As you see from what we have written there are those of us here who are also, like you, against loose moral behaviour. If Diana were to talk about this trouble
with anyone who knows her, including her husband, it would cause even more harm
. As things stand, she may be able to save the situation if she isn't pregnant
or diseased, and she changes her inner and outer ways.
You missed something in her letter Pie, when you said that she doesn't feel
"self-condemned." If you read her letters again you will see that she clearly says she feels guilty. "Guilt" was the word she used. You don't need to make her feel more guilty. Her own heart and soul already feel guilt.
You don't know if everybody else you say is "innocent" is indeed, really innocent. Only the child is certainly innocent. About any of the others, we don't know. Diana was looking for solid advice and support in order to change. She wasn
't glorying in her misdeeds. Dear Pie please have a little compassion. She let
the relationship go so far because she was faced with huge temptation, away from home and family and very lonely. Also, she needs more inner growth and strength.
She blames herself. If she continues in this path she is aware that in the long
-run she stands to lose everything. Don't you think this is punishment enough?
Diana must have herself tested to be sure she is still healthy and doesn't bring
home any disease to her husband. Google is correct to say that men and women have different approaches to sex. Such a man probably has cheated on his wife before, so he may carry HIV or some other nasty STD. Why are you so intent on blaming her? I don't hear any complaints from you about the charming, smooth and socially dominant man. That, my dear, is known as "sexism". You are judging the
sexes differently, and so you are being "sexist."
My understanding of the relationship between the sexes in some countries in the
East, which I shall not name, is that husbands work hard downtown. If well-placed they often, or usually, have mistresses down-town. Their wives don't see them very often and are required to be chaste and faithful. That is a double standard, dear Pie. Both sexes need to become faithful. Both sexes equally need to
become moral.
Warmly, Mary
