Dear Standly,
I wish to tell you that you are doing a very fine job of explaining cultural situations in China to Ben and Mary.
Having been in China for 8 years now, I can personally attest to the situations
you must endure with alcoholic beverages at your banquets. A foreigner finds it
hard to understand the serious and very important role alcohol plays in job and
family relationships here. Drinking cannot be avoided without serious consequences.
As a Chinese it is quite impossible to refuse to drink to excess unless, as you
have said, you are the top man, the leader in the room. All those below him MUST drink the limitless toasts, the "bottoms ups", the acknowledgments to others.
I, as a foreigner, can avoid this since I always explain, through another Chinese speaker who can be sure to get it clearly understood to the group, that my RELIGION requires that I not drink any alcohol. This is understood and accepted, since many Chinese know of the Muslim prohibition of drinking alcohol.
Unfortunately, this is a deterrent to my being invited to many banquets. Since I
remain sober and have a normally quiet kind of personality, they are a bit uncomfortable with me and the language barrier only enhances the discomfort.
I am not concerned with this result since the cigarette smoke, noise and lack of
being able to communicate with my companions leaves me always dissatisfied with
my experience as a guest. I expect my hosts feel the same way about me.
Your method, going to the restroom and regurgitating all that is in your stomach
, although it may seem excessive to foreigners, is about the best and only way to fulfill both your needs and those required for social acceptability.
The other habit that is almost impossible to avoid is offering and accepting a cigarette. Having a smoke, offering a cigarette to others is so much a part of the social atmosphere here. I am again thankful for being a foreigner, able to refuse with a smile and still be accepted since, as a foreigner, I can be allowed
to be different. As for you, you cannot be allowed to be different except at risk to your place in the social structures around you.
These are a few of my thoughts.
David
