Today is My Birthday…

While I turned the new piece of paper on the calendar, a number came out my eyes and made me realize that today is my birthday. Time is fleeting so quickly! I am 17 years old! What a exciting day and, the beautiful age for most peers. But that is not how I feel on this day. I’d rather ignore my birthday then celebrate it. Perhaps, this is a kind of escapism of my growth, but I really don’t want to grow up. The growth may mean that I could not be a healthy girl, and could not recover from handicap for good. Thus, I could not do anything without my parents forever. What a fearful thing for me! Over the past years since I was born, there are always two never-changing emotions on my birthdays, one is hope that could find a good way to heal my disease in the future, the another is disappointment that could not find a good way to heal my disease in the past. I really tired of that. I can’t experience any happiness from my birthday, instead, much disappointment and worry of my future life bomb my mind. Those feelings that should not belong to me, a girl in the most beautiful age of the lifetime, growing in my mind with the age growing. Another reason of hating birthday is that I feel very, very lonely on my birthdays. Because I have no any friend in my real life, I can’t experience the happiness and greeting, as well as the bustling atmosphere of holding a party like most peers does. And I have no present except the birthday cake that comes from my parents, but I think, this is the most precious present that I got. It is not only a simple cake; it is also full of love and hope of my parents to me. Even though it’s too desolate and I don’t like it too much, but it is only thing that I can feel a little gratified that my parents give me. In fact, the birthday is just symbol thing, I think. I don’t like to focus on it. I like to take no notice of it and let it quietly passing by, just like the regular days. Maybe, in this way, I could find some balance to other healthy people. Perhaps, this essay gives you an idea that I am a pessimistic girl, and disillusioned about the future. Absolutely not, I am a happy girl, and optimistic and hopeful to the future, for most of time. I just want to express some negative feelings and thoughts when I am blue. It makes me feel better when I express myself totally. Thanks to this Forum and so many friends here. I have the chance to “talk” to you all about my feelings. I am about to puff out the candles on my birthday cake, and ready for make the wishes…….. Hope they would be achieved some day.

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