This is a long story. This is the words hidden inside my heart for about 5 years. I really anyone who will read it will give me some comment of anything you'd write.
Am I A Too Envious Wife Someone says nothing in the world will be definitely perfect in every way, and I believe it is true. X is keeping being promoted and receiving increasingly high salary, daughter being bright and excellent, but his wife suddenly becomes mentally disorder and no expert can find out the reason; Y , good-looking girl, is capable enough to get greatly appreciated by the boss and has already got her own car at the age of 27 , but no boy tends to be appealed by her even if she’s tried actively several times to approach certain men; Each one in the neighborhood regards my hubby and I as the happiest couples in the world , the model to follow, but who knows I’m suffering deep inside my heart the severe envy and hatred to that girl !
She’s been my hubby’s comrade-in-arms, or to be more exact, ever served in the same army with my hubby ten years ago, but in different company. I bet if it wasn’t the accident my hubby fell off a tree with his left wrist broken, he would never have got the chance to meet her and know her, and she, the ghost, would never shadow in my heart and my family, either. My hubby stayed in the army hospital for about two weeks. It was at that very period in the hospital they came to know each other while she was also there due to certain disease. My hubby said it was really boresome for a young man to be in hospital without anything to do except find some books to read or someone to chat. She was living in the next ward, and one day, my hubby found she had a novel so he borrowed it. My hubby didn’t know how at all they began to have that secret sensitivity of “love”, but the book surely was the very beginning. Then, after they left the hospital they occasionally met and chatted together with all the comrades-in-arms, or occasionally only they two which I bet must be though my hubby never said that because they were in the same army yard and their companies were not far away from each other. Afterwards, she went to the two–year military academy while my hubby failed in the entrance exam, but fortunately, he succeeded in the next year to get enrolled in another military academy. My hubby explaines to me that he hopes to take her as one of the friends because it was mostly under her encouragement or drive that he could manage to pass the exam in the next year. However, I could never agree with him at this point, instead, I think that should be the very reason he should forget her.
I should say the basic reason she finally didn’t become my present hubby’s wife was due to their too big contrast family backgrounds.(but as all of us know the different family background shouldn’t be the barrier if there were true love there) My hubby comes from a very very common family which can’t be thought as the rich at all, whereas, her father was originally a high-ranked army officer and now works in the city government also as an high officer, and her mother is the general director of the National Tax Bureau in her city. She was impossible to leave that super condition in her city, neither my hubby be willing to leave his family though it’s so common. However at that time, my hubby did know she liked him and so did my hubby to her, so he realized the only way they’d go together was to manage to pass the entrance exam to the military academy, and it was just under this drive, along with some encouraged letters from her, my hubby succeeded in the next year. But the problem was they two never talked of “love” each other although they both definitely sensed that , and they even never touched each other’s hands (my hubby told me so and I’m inclined to believe that because he was very honest to me, really) . Well, anyhow, I feel glad of this. Otherwise, my hubby isn’t my hubby, but her hubby now. You may all think they could go together now that he achieved his objective to enter the academy, but they didn’t anyhow at the end. I don’t know the detail. Maybe it’s one’s fate, or God’s arrangement. No one knows, including my hubby and her.
I began to contact with my present hubby, the boyfriend at that stage, when he was in the second year in the academy, and so was I . I didn’t know whether he ever phoned her or she phoned him after that but I know she married in the year when my hubby and I graduated.
I graduated, in 1997, from a Foreign Language college and went back to my hometown to become an English teacher. I have to say I originally wanted to go to other big cities and wasn’t willing to go back to my hometown, a small county, but I did because we graduated in the same year and he didn’t have any idea where he would be assigned until in July so he hoped I could be stable while his working place wasn’t certain yet. Moreover, each army man will hope his wife can have a stable job. Therefore, I gave up the thought of going outside the world but go back to my hometown and get married the following year, to which point I really think I’ve sacrificed out of deep love.
Later, occasionally learnt from my hubby, the first letter he received in the army , his current working place, was from her instead of me. I became so nervously sad and asked for the explanation why he should write to her and why he should take her as the first. He said he wrote to us at the same time but it was because her city was nearer thus faster on post and the reason he wrote to her was he just wanted to tell her he finally graduated and smoothly realized his dream now to be an army officer considering she had ever, after all, gave him such encouragement to help him achieve the objective.
You can understand now that she had his address since then, they would occasionally make some phone calls while in festivals or every certain time, and my hubby would also sometimes speak of her in front of me. Out of envy, I have got all their contact detail from my hubby. Just as I said above, he’s so honest that he’ll tell everything to me no matter it’s good or bad, he’s doing proper or not because he’s confident we love each other deeply and we can understand each other. Well, I should say he’s too honest to tell me everything but neglect the fact that women are actually the most envious in the world. He’d always say she was rich because she’s got comparatively high salary (she didn’t served in the army after graduation and worked in an National Tax Bureau, one of her mother’s branches), her hubby working in a bank but later assigned to the countryside and salary low, she later gave birth to a son, etc. I don’t know if I’m too envious to feel unhappy of their contact each other but he later realized he had ever acting not so properly because he did speak of her a bit frequently. I remember the first time he went back to the hometown to spend his yearly hols, we went to the supermarket to look at some kitchenware to be bought when we were to marry, he joked “oh, XXX is rich, let her buy it as the wedding gift.” The other time he went back for the yearly hols, he called to tell her he was at home on holiday and also asked me to say something with her, I didn’t refuse and got to chat with her several words though it was really embarrassing talk to both of us. Another time he was at holiday, when we were talking to call some friends he firstly made the BP call to her and then chatted with her about half an hour. I don’t know if I’m too envious by saying all this because I’m sure he’s just taking her as a friend but still I feel very sad to see he couldn’t forget her no matter how good a wife I’m and no matter how hard I’m still trying to act better. But anyhow one thing is sure, that is he really believe in me, otherwise, he’d not tell the entire story to me.
I do not doubt at all he loves me most deeply and gives me all the best care on earth. I’m sure he’s the best husband in the world. However, I can’t bear the fact he can’t forget that girl yet and still be contacting with her although he’s just taking her as a common friend.
To exceed her, I came to the city where his army is and managed to find a foreign-fund company. It has been proved I’m efficient and have been working excellently with salary higher than she is already; to help him to forget her, I try every bit to act as a gentle wife, a good daughter-in-law. In a word, I’ve tried an all-out to hope he will. But it’s impossible, maybe, to every one in this situation. At certain time, I would ask my hubby if she’d ever called, and he would told me honestly she’d occasionally call. I then chased what they’d talked and he would tell me all the thing. Being too sensitive, I would figure out from the words that it was not always she called him but also he would call her. Every time I leant this I would feel deeply hurt because I’ve succeeded in acting as a good wife, on which he feels proud of and all the people knowing us admit and envy. I said I feel unhappy of her calling and said she wasn’t a good wife because she owned a family but she’d always call him, but he would said it actually wasn’t so serious as what I was claiming because they were really calling as the common comrades-in-arms.
But anyhow my hubby began to stop calling her because he did realize that would make me sad although he thought it was in fact not so serious. But he’d not refuse to answer her call. I can’t complain my hubby because it’s she who called first, but I would complain he didn’t know how to refuse, not like me.
The situation just kept on like this, and suddenly one day, he received a call from her saying she’s coming to a city nearby us to get 30-days training and she’d come to our city to see him. He immediately called me to tell all the detail and asked me to meet her at the railway station the next morning because he didn’t have time (I was working night shift and usually didn’t go home the whole week). I refused without any doubt by saying that I wouldn’t meet her because I didn’t have time either (actually the time should be ok for me), moreover, she’s coming to see him instead of me so I was not such an idiot to meet my hubby’s formal “lover”. He explained she’s not coming specially to see him, but another friend, which every one can know he’s trying to console me. I said if she’s coming for another friend what he was worrying about meeting her at the station. As a result, no one met her and she went to another friend first and then went to my hubby. He called to ask me go home because he didn’t expect me to get some doubt on something but I refused and didn’t want to talk with him on the phone longer than 1 minute although I smiled to ask him to say hello to her for me. She came and left several hours later, after them going out to have a very simple dinner. That night, I told my hubby I didn’t want to go home directly the next morning (Saturday) and I would go to the beach (3 hours’ bus). He said, “ Come home, ok? It’s so cold and windy.” I insisted and didn’t go home till late afternoon the next day. He became very worried because the weather was dreadful and I closed my mobile. (Actually I didn’t go to the beach at all because I was not so mad, instead, I went to the shopping street, but he’d never know this) He finally got relieved now that I went home but I didn’t say a word and began to weep without stop. He said he had no way because she asked for a visit and he couldn’t refuse . I, actually , can understand the situation, but I can’t forgive him because now that he knew I would feel deeply sad about her visit why he didn’t refuse by saying he was busy and had no time. Anyhow, it past. I should say My hubby is the kind of person who doesn’t know excellently the art of refuse .
The situation between them still keeps on as before. She’d call and he’d answer without refuse , but he ‘d not call first already. But later, God helps me to change the situation.
The boy who’d been after me while in college managed to get my phone number and called me one day. He’s already a very successful man but still single now. I told my hubby the whole detail that night and meanwhile said that I’d asked him directly not to call me again , not to say give him a chance to meet me, because now that I didn’t hope my hubby to do I wouldn’t do either . I’ve already had my hubby and family and I really don’t want to keep in touch with him, even only on telephone. This seems really give my hubby a chance to experience the same feeling I’ve ever had for 5 years. Although he said, “ok, it’s nothing, just common friend. But anyhow, you’re my wife now and no matter how successful he’s now, you’re mine now.” His face clearly showed he really envied and he spoke 100 times less than usual that night though he tried to show calm. Then, at midnight, he awaked me from dream, and said, “ Darling, you’re mine, no one can touch you.” I asked, “ Are you envious on his call.” “ Yes, I envy”. “ OK, I won’t keep in touch with him any longer, I’ve told him that and I’ve told you” “ But anyhow, I still envy. And I now can realize your attitude toward xxx and I is reasonable. I originally thought it was nothing but only common friend so common call is just ok, but now I realize it was not the case” Thank goodness! He really experienced my feeling. After that, I know she still often made the call to his office but he would try not to answer if it’s not he picking up the phone directly. (I occasionally got to know it from one of his colleague, our good friend)
However, one thing happened again several days ago when we were having lunch at home, someone knocked at the door. I went to answer and it was a post card, from her. I smiled to pass it to him and said “ your new year post card”. He took a look and put it on the desk. The lunch went on and finished then watched TV. He spoke to me as usual but I either didn’t answer him or threw back the answer rudely. He sensed what I’d act back on the post card and knew very well it was because of that card that I because unusual suddenly. He stood up and tore the card into pieces and threw into the wastebasket. No one spoke of it that night and later. Both of us sensed the unusual atmosphere in the family but neither would speak of a single word on it. It lasted 3 days and came to normal finally, but I’m not sure when it may happen again.
I really feel grieved and don’t know when the shadow can run away from me and I really feel bad every time thinking of it. I’m not doubting my family is the happiest except when the shadow doesn’t appear to me; I’m not doubting my hubby truly loves me and cares for me with all his heart; I’m not doubting the whole feeling he owns to her can only be regarded as the gratefulness now but I still can’t bear her contact to him.
Why she should always call my hubby now that she’s married and been a mother?
Am I a too envious wife?
