It’s a long story but I’ll try to make it shorter. I hope you can help me out. I really don’t know which way to go. I feel depressed now.
I’m 24-year-old girl, tall, good-looking, working for government as a secretary and everyone around me is envious of me because I have a good job and boss cares about me. My boss is superstitious, believing that I am his fairy from God and come here to help him. He said that’s why he’s always doing well at work. The fact is that our company is growing better and better. Government has been paying more and more attention to our company. It means that we are standing out from other industries here. I don’t believe all of success is just coming from me because I’m materialism, though I know he is a bit fond of me. I can feel it. I can read his mind from his eyes. His eyes say he likes me.
2 years ago, when I was graduated from university, my uncle(my mother’s teacher, but I’m used to call him uncle) who is my boss’s good friend recommended me to him. When he read my CV, he said that he would accept me and believe that I would do a good job in the future. Then I joined this company and met him. At the first sight, I thought he was not easy to get along with because he seems so serious. Whenever he goes out to meet customers or superior leaders, he always brings me along. Time moves on, we talk about everything anything. We look like friends forgetting about our ages. But I respect him. He is not only my leader but also my eldership. One day, he told me that he wanted to take me as his sister because a stargazer told him 15 years ago that he would have had bad luck because he got married too early. And the only way to help him is divorce and marrying with another who belongs to goat( you know it’s a Chinese astrology) or taking her as his sister. He said that he’s been looking for such a woman for 8 years and finally he found me is a good choice for him. But just it’s impossible for him to divorce because he is too famous in this small pond. You know that government official is always eye-catching. So he wanted to take me as his sister I think it’s all right with me to be his sister. Actually I’m a little fond of him too. He is knowledge man who I can learn a lot from. But I knew that he’s not my man. Maybe there would be a better way for me to stay with him.
Time moves on. One day, someone told me that he has been in war with his wife. I didn’t know! He is such an introverted man not telling anyone his secret. But I can understand that. Later, I knew the reason of this war. That’s me. His wife saw I was in my boss’s car but not carrying her along on the festival. But it’s on business and I have to go with my boss to the performance place to accompany some superior leaders. People would not understand that, they just see the surface. Several days later, his wife called me and asked me a few ridiculous questions. I felt weird because never had I got such a call from his wife. I told this to my boss later, and he finally told me that his wife was very jealous on me that I was in his car that day.
Actually I did spend some time with my boss, only he and me. I’m very happy when I’m with him. But I know it’s ridiculous if I want to stay with him the rest of my life. We have much in common and we have the same feeling for each other. Once, I even stayed with him all night but didn’t make love with him. I love him. That’s true. My true feeling. I shouldn’t hide my true feeling but I couldn’t speak it out. But you know, leader will always be very busy with business, so is he. I know he’s trying to make me happy but the problem is that we are in the same company and sometimes it’s really difficult to hide the truing feeling inside which always shows out on the face. Co-workers will know that. It’s bad for his career. And people are wondering how come I’m still single. I should have someone around me. I really don’t know what to do. Actually I have kept rejecting boys around me because I don’t want to betray him . I love him. How can I love the other at the same time??
At present, he’s been pretty busy with work and never has any time for me. I feel bad. I show him true love, but he… Now I’m wondering if I’m wasting myself. I shouldn’t have stayed with him those nights. But it just happened. What should I do? They say that men are always not interested in women who show love easily. Is that right?
I don’t know where the door is. I work for him and I love him but I have to pretend that I’m happy with work , with life. He’s 16 years older than me but he’s still attractive. He doesn’t have a happy marriage and I want to be his saver. I think the problem is that my uncle is his good friend, and he wouldn’t accept the affair between his good friend and his niece. The point is that I’m not sure about his feeling at the moment cause he’s too busy to talk with me and any relationship needs communication.
I need your help. Please write some to me when you have time. I’m introverted. I’m so scaring now. If there’s really no way to go, I suppose I have to go die??
