Dear Jan and forum friends,
A question was asked about supporting parents in China, from abroad.
A girl marries a foreigner. She takes a job in the foreign country, ifregulations allow her to work. Now she begins making some money. She wants to use some of it to help support her parents in China.
I have worked as a mediator in some disputes when such marriages did not work out. In these cases it usually turned out that the husband greatly resented money being sent abroad, and that this, finally, led to the divorce.
The facts of life in North America and Europe are as follows,(and I know this because I have family on both continents and pay visits to Europe on business, too,) Even though foreigners are thought of as very wealthy when they visit in China, they are usually not well to do in their own countries.
The reason for this is because they might have saved for a year to make the trip, or they could have put the costs on their credit cards. While on vacation they don't mind spending money, even though borrowed. In their own country, living expenses are high and they don't live as is assumed by observers in China. The great difference in exchange from their currency to yuan is what gives this false impression.
Until the 1970's a husband in both Europe and North America could still earn enough to keep a family without the wife working. Since the 1990's it takes both partners in the marriage to pay the family bills, and this will still only allow a modest standard of living. The Chinese wife will usually need to work to pay her share of her own family's support. Any extra money she can save for her parents would, naturally, be eyed by her husband as something that could be put to good use for themselves. This is usually the case, unless he is an unusually generous man. Such men are rare.
The dream of supporting aged parents from abroad often cannot happen. This makes the woman unhappy. Any woman thinking of marrying a foreigner should consider making a legal agreement before marriage that entitlesher to use a certain percentage of her own income for the support of her parents. This measure should greatly help to avoid problems later.
Best wishes to all, Uncle Ben
